getting used to crib

[Joey'sMom]

Hello, I'm sure this has been posted a thousand times here, but I never saw it because my first two were so happy in the crib I never needed to ask.

DS3, however, well...yikes! He does not like being put in his crib! Laying him in there awake is pretty much a NO if I expect him to sleep. So I tried to just settle him to almost-asleep then placing him in, but when he wakes after 40-60 minutes he is ANGRY and will NOT resettle. Rushing in at 40 minutes to catch him before waking is near impossible because of my bigger boys.

Is this something that changes? Is there anything I can do to get him more used to it or make him like it more?

Thanks in advance.

P.S.--he is 11.5 weeks old. I think. Maybe 12. I lost count.

[nevinsmama]

I am heading out but wanted to say that for us that sort of behavior meant UT. Would you like to post a typical day to see if anything needs a tweak? I will be back!

[Joey'sMom]

Thanks for responding! I wish I could post a typical day...there isn't one. It's part of why I feel so crazy!

DS wakes for a feed between 4 and 5, and pretty much never goes back to sleep. We feed him again following his cues, around 7 or 8, and then feed him every 3 hours-ish.

I doubt he is UT, just because he never goes to sleep until a full 2 hours after his wake time. Sometimes he never naps in the whole three-hour cycle.

If I'm lucky, he naps for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. He has bedtime between 6&7 and sleeps until 12/1 am. Then he wakes at 3/4 am, and so on from there.

[Joey'sMom]

Hey, there. I thought I'd just update...DS is on his second nap in his crib today. They are never long...40-60 minutes, but if I make it in to settle him, I've been able to get him back to sleep with sh/pat. He is very touchy, so I sometimes do have to pick him up to settle him, or to get him in.

He is in a swaddler, and due to the reflux, I have him on his side with a rolled up blanket pressed against his back (ped's rec). Any other tips/tricks to help him hate this less?

[nevinsmama]

Is the room dark? Roughly what A time are you aiming for? Is there white noise? Is the mattress elevated? Have you ever tried putting him in there and just having happy time with Mommy? How are things going today? Hang in there, my DD is touchy and her first year was really just not much fun. ((hugs!))

[Joey'sMom]

The room is not pitch black, but there are no lights on or anything. It's not bright by any means. I have a white noise machine that I turn on at sleep times.

I aim for roughly a 1.5 hour A time, with 1.5 hours sleep, but it never works out that way. If I watch his cues and get him in right on time, he's offended by being put in there and melts down. If I watch the clock, I miss his cues and he melts down before I can even change his diaper. I usually have to pick him up and bounce him, which I know is against the BW "rules," but seriously, he cries a LOT!

[nevinsmama]

[/url]

I usually have to pick him up and bounce him, which I know is against the BW "rules," but seriously, he cries a LOT!

This is totally OK. Whatever you do now to get through ( Ivy was a bouncing addict too) is nothing that can't be gently weaned out later. Ivy and I bounced and rocked and what all just to survive at this age too. And she cried at every naptime.

I am just trying to think back things that did help her to get through. A really tight swaddle helped, also dark  room and white noise which I see that you have.

 One more thing that helped was a sort of "Pre-wind-down." I would put her in a backpack or carrier 20 minutes or so before winding down just to get her up above Big Brother's range and all the daily chaos. I see you have 2 other sons and I am not sure if they are around in the day and adding to OS maybe? Let me know what you think, huge ((hugs!!)) it is not easy going from 1-2 and going from 2-3 must have big challenges as well. You are doing great, hang in there, we are here to help the whole way.

One more thought, have you taken the "know your baby quiz"? Just wondering if he is quite Touchy or Spirited...The BW "Know Your Baby Quiz"

[Joey'sMom]

Thank you so much. It is wonderful to just have someone say "I know it's hard."

I have taken the quiz, and I keep taking it hoping he will grow out of things, but in fact he is heavily grumpy/touchy. He is grudging with smiles, has never laughed, and frowns often. He hates to be put down, but isn't very content when held, either. I think, I hope, he will be happier once he can sit up alone. He doesn't even like the swing right now because he is too little for it to be inclined more.

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's that the other boys are older, but it is really difficult to leave them for long enough to settle him. It's clear he does appreciate being removed from the chaos, but it is tough to settle him either way, anyway. And I did try putting him in his crib and having happy time with him today. It didn't work. As soon as I left he melted down. It's been a terrible day, actually. He cried a ton and hasn't slept much. I finally gave up and put him in his carseat, because his eyes were red and he started gagging from crying so much.

[nevinsmama]

More huge hugs for you. Going to see if I can get some "Grumpy baby" eyes on here that can maybe help find a way where there is not so much crying. Hang in there~!

[Ima shel Alon]

He is grudging with smiles, has never laughed, and frowns often. He hates to be put down, but isn't very content when held, either.

I read this and I seriously started tearing, it threw me back. My first ticker here was "my grumpy little guy" or something like that.
My DS was exactly like that, doesn't want to be help, doesn't want to lie down, he was just unhappy all the time.
He was also touchy.
What I can tell you is that from my experience it does get so much better when they are older. I can tell you that my DS grew to be a grumpy and at times a touchy toddler but that the way this is coming out is not at all "bad". It's not at all the same features that you see now.

And yes, I know as well that it is not very BW to say, but the only and by only I mean ONLY thing that helped us stay sane (and I had PPD on top of everything) is to AP.
For us it was at first naps only in the buggy, don't know why. I just noticed that's a place he always sleeps and later on I had to feed to sleep. Imagine that - I had to feed to sleep till he was older than 1yo.
But after the first few weeks that were horror because I tried so many things to get him to sleep, I didn't mind at all.
At 4.5-5m old I felt better in myself and I knew him better to attempt Shush-pat and transition to the crib. It was not easy, but possible, yk?

Hang in there, honey. One day it will be a memory and like I said, it really really really does get better.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

DD2 was touchy/spirited and I found following a strict clock schedule in EAS format was best for her...she was easily OS and OT so we kept A time totally dull. I did darken the room completely (seriously, sat in there in the dark and taped over every crack in the tinfoil on the window!) and had loud white noise going. She responded to the patting but only if I did it just so...had to keep a rhythm you see!

[Joey'sMom]

Again, everything you've said is a bigger help than you could know. I suppose part of the problem is that there is little I am going to do about my bigger boys and their noise. I limit it as much as I think is fair, but it is their house, too, and having a new brother has been a hard enough adjustment without a panicky mom hissing at them to be quiet all the time.

More huge hugs for you. Going to see if I can get some "Grumpy baby" eyes on here that can maybe help find a way where there is not so much crying. Hang in there~!

Thank you so much for this...you're right, it feels like it goes against everything BW we know, but at the same time, part of BW is rolling with things and reading your baby, and if my baby needs something that isn't textbook I have to be okay with figuring out what that is. :/

[Joey'sMom]

And yes, I know as well that it is not very BW to say, but the only and by only I mean ONLY thing that helped us stay sane (and I had PPD on top of everything) is to AP.
For us it was at first naps only in the buggy, don't know why. I just noticed that's a place he always sleeps and later on I had to feed to sleep. Imagine that - I had to feed to sleep till he was older than 1yo.

Sorry, I meant to quote this.

[nevinsmama]

Hi there, how are things going? I am glad we were able to help a bit,  please let us know if we can be of any more help. I know it's tough and there are lots of hands to hold here. I see you have had great advice and support Ima Shel Alon and Heidi, we are all still here if you need us. ((hugs!)) for you and sleepy vibes for your boy!

[Joey'sMom]

Thank you!

Things have been a bit better. DS goes into the crib for short naps and decent night sleep now. The one trouble is he almost always has to be already asleep. I can't just lay him in there. His grumpy/touchy temperament makes him to be a sleep fighter, and as soon as I set him down in there, whether I follow cues or clock, he screams. I can deal with that for now, though, as I've decided to just believe he'll outgrow that.

What I am now trying to iron out is getting him to take naps and sleep past that forty minute mark (he pretty much NEVER does), getting him back to sleep after the forty minute mark, and trying to figure out if his EASY is messed up because he needs more sleep or if he needs more sleep because his eating/reflux makes him too uncomfortable to relax. Right now, his sleep follows this pattern (ish):

5 am: Eats (rarely finishes the bottle) to sleep
5:45-6 am: Awake, but isn't hungry yet
7-8 am: Reflux meds, Eats, is now OT
8:30-9: Sleep
9:45-10:15: Awake
11:00: Eats, getting grumpy, may not finish bottle, but might finish it at 11:50
12:00-12:30 Sleep
1:30 Wake
2:00 Cries for bottle, eats half, snoozes, wakes, eats a bit more, won't finish

And now, looking at this, I know it's wrong because while the morning is correct, he somehow ends up eating at 3:00, not 2:00, and does wind-down, bath, bottle, and bed starting at 5:45/6 pm. Then he may sleep until 3am, or wake at 11 pm to eat. That part is totally inconsistent, but I think it has to do with his messy daytime. And again, I can't tell if it's reflux, or sleep, or what! I definitely know he needs to be sleeping more, though, because by evening his eyes and nose are all red and he is MISERABLE. I know there's supposed to be a catnap around 4, too, but that's definitely hit or miss. He either snoozes a bit or refuses, usually the latter. He has been crying so much, though, that I am debating just calling the pediatrician. But then if I do, they're probably just going to think I'm nuts. I definitely FEEL nuts!