4 month sleep disaster

[anam197]

Hello, wondering if anyone has any suggestions or had experience of this problem...

My LO is 4months. She has resisted sleep from day 1 and only slept after feeding until 2months of age when I found the BW book and tried EASY. Because she was losing weight at the beginning I was advised to feed, feed, feed (breastfeeding)as much as possible and as such she has developed a big feeding to sleep problem. This has meant that her "sleepy signals" are basically the same as her "Im hungry signals", give or take a yawn and an eye-rub or two. I know its best not to clock watch but during the day I find it easier to be firm about when its food time and when its sleep-time and so we have been shush-patting (albeit with a LOT of back arching and crying) and it generally takes about 20mins to get her to sleep for a nap, though it can be as much as 45mins.
Routine wise she will definitely nap for the 1st nap of the day. The lunchtime nap is variable. If its a battle of more than 45mins then I do E again and then A and then try for S later on. She's not grouchy or bothered about not having a nap but I feel that she should have her lunchtime nap to avoid her being OT. If its not happening though I just cant fight her to sleep and we delay for later on ~ 2pm or ~3pm.
Night time however is a bit of a disaster as I cant tell whether she's hungry or whether she wants boob to go to sleep as she makes the same signals!
Our routine most days (give or take 30mins):

E 7:30
A 8am
S 9am (have tried 9:30 but she is desperate for "boob to sleep" by this stage so I struggle to get her to sleep if I leave it too long) sleeps 1.5hrs and then I wake her
E 10:30
A 11:00
S 12:30-13:00 sleeps 2hrs then I wake her. (If lunchtime nap does not happen then its EAEA...until S at 14:00 or 15:00. If its a later nap then we don't have a later nap before bed)
E 15:00
A 15:30
S 17:00 May or may not have a 30 min sleep, usually not
E 17:30
A Bath at 18:00, massage, E again
S 19:00

Night wakings: Can be up to 5 wakings before I go to bed at 10pm where I shush-pat her back to sleep with no further feeds, unless its near midnight and then I consider it a sort of DF! Then she wakes midnight/1am, ~3:30-4am, ~5:30am and 6:30am. She feeds at all these wakings for about 15mins then falls asleep. I wake her slightly to put her down then we end up shush-patting for 30mins and sometimes Im up again for another shush-pat 10mins after Ive crawled back into bed. If I don't feed her at a waking in the night then its a screaming battle and she doesn't settle after you stop shush-patting, no matter how long you do it for. And she genuinely seems hungry and feeds well, albeit for only 15mins.

I have tried a DF but she wakes up fully as she will only take breast, no bottle and then that's us up 2 hourly again from that point.

The feeding/ sleeping confusion has always been the case but the sleep at night was better than this when she was 6wks til about 3.5months so I wondered whether it might be the 4 month sleep regression. Even if it is a sleep regression I don't want her getting used to eating that many times in the night though as we'll find it hard to drop them again.

So, I know we seem to have an awful feeding prop, which I am trying my best to somehow drop but she confuses me as she gives me "Im hungry" signals. Has anyone had a similar problem? Any suggestions welcome. I wonder whether to deny boob if it hasn't been 3 hrs since the last feed and try to stick to that at night also - what does anyone think?
Bit sleep-deprived....no VERY sleep-deprived!

[Sarah-mom of 3]

Hello!
I'm so sorry for your lack of sleep!  Everything seems so much more daunting when we moms don't get our sleep!  I have to say, I'm VERY impressed with how well you've gotten on/stuck to the EASY schedule ..and your LO's napping sounds wonderful!  If I can get my little 4 month old to sleep past 45 min during the day, I do the happy dance! 
It does sound like you've had some feeding issues and your LO is confused as to when she really needs to eat vs. just be pacified.  Maybe if you can get her to not depend on the boob during the day she'll fare better at night?   Have you tried a pacifier/dummy?  I'm guessing yes, but if not, that would be my first stop.  If she won't take that, have you tried offering your finger?  My LO has a sucking obsession and I have to have something in his mouth at all times if he's not happy! 
What about swaddling?  I tried swaddling originally (just once or twice) and he didn't take it at first, but then I got serious and learned a bunch of different ways to swaddle.  As soon as I swaddle now, (with a pacifier of course) he calms right down.  Does she have a "lovey" or toy/blanket that she has attached to yet? 
Your post caught my eye because my LO is 4 months and is just now going through an awful sleep issue!  I know everyone says there's the 4 month GS Regression, which I think we're both in right now.  I wish I could be more help!  I'll be following closely to see what others say.
Good luck!

[anam197]

Thanks for the post Sarah, though I'm sorry for your lack of sleep also! It's funny that when I seem to get Eva to nap she naps for ages as I seem to constantly be telling her to go to sleep & then to wake up when she's sleepy...I bet she thinks I'm crazy!
I've tried a few pacifiers when she was younger but no luck. She sticks her hands in her mouth but not her thumb as I was hoping &she doesn't use them to self-soothe quite yet. We have given her a bunny blanket to associate with bedtime but she's not fully settled by it unfort.
I did swaddle until about 3months & then stopped as she found her hands and I thought she'd use them to self-settle, which hasn't happened. I have been thinking about re-swaddling this past week as I think it might help. Thanks for the suggestions...great minds...:-)
I've just given a soppy cup today (as she won't take bottle) to see whether I can separate sleep &feeding more. Worked better than thought.
Not sure whether to increase day feed times as Tracey mentioned to try reduce night waking. Anyone think it's worth a shot?? Or doing an awake dream feed every night, even though she might have only last eaten an hr before?

[lhurley168]

Anam- I had your exact same story about two weeks ago! If you check out the thread right below your post (it may change now) its subject is "at my wits end 15 week" or something like that. My ds was not sleeping for naps and waking almost every hour. If you read through some of those suggestions they worked for me. I stopped swaddling around the 3 month mark too as ds was starting to find his hands. He's still not using them to settle and will actually knock the paci out of his mouth and then cry, but he was totally fighting the swaddle to get his hands out in the middle of the night. He's now only waking up once or twice for feedings in the night. I just posted a question on the EAT board about increasing his milk in bottles before bed if that will help. The biggest thing that helped for me was trying to push him closer to the 1 hr 45 min mark for activity. We've also tried new (more tiring) activities so I know he's sleepy for sure for naps. We still struggle to get to an hour and a half but one hour is better than where he was.

[anam197]

Thanks lhurley168, I just looked at the post and it was really useful!
It's interesting what was said about the first nap possibly being an extension of the night sleep. My LO yawns all the way through her first A time and will last 1hr30 before I think she needs a nap and then I always have to wake her! This helps me catch up on beauty sleep too though so I'm not complaining!
We've had a few better nights but still some rubbish ones...I try to see what I did differently each day but there's no pattern.
Revisited Tracy's book again and now trying to shush-pat through every night wakening til it reaches 6hrs after she fell asleep! It's killing me! Only day 2 so early days but she puts up such a battle! And it's difficult coz she's telling me she's hungry and I feel awful for ignoring her. PU/PD has been tricky as every time she's picked up she thinks she getting fed so licks my neck or shoulder and just screams louder!
I'll try the wearing out activity approach. Swimming is always a good one for sleep. Also making sure that each E is lasting at least 30mins &km doing both breasts to fully tank her up during day.
I keep saying it will only be 2weeks til it'll make a difference but it's so hard!

[anam197]

Just had another quick question if anyone able to answer....so the book says that they ideally should be sleeping 6hours a night from this age (4.5months). Im currently stretching her to feeding 3hourly at night-time. Do I just go cold turkey on her and pat-shush through every wakening for 6hours straight? Or should I ease her into it, going to 3.5hrly feed and then 4hrly etc.? Will she not get confused when Im feeding at some wakings and shush-patting at others?

[lhurley168]

That is my question too! I've tried to pop in the paci and shh/pat at his first waking but he gets livid. I was trying pu/pd and ended up just flat out laughing because of how angry he got! I had never seen him like that and I know he was just mad. I gave in and nursed him and he was immediately ok. Right now he's going down at 7:30 Wu at 11:30 and Wu at 3:30. I tried wake to sleep at 10:30 but he woke up at 12:00 instead. I know it's supposed to be done every night for 3 days. Ill try it again. But yes, good question as to what to do with those night wakings.