19 month old CO-sleeping/Rocking/Nursing to sleep - HELP

[rayan2012]

Hi, I could really use some feedback

Last nights first NW, while ST was really hard, DS cried for an hour, I don't know why my sister took him out of the crib he was trying to exit the room and was just getting mad that he could leave. He wouldn't even sleep on the futon with my sis. I eventually went in and it took me 3 hours to put him back to sleep. He couldn't fall asleep nursing, rocking or rubbing his back.

I'm so confused as to what to do next. Should I try again tonight even though he seems OT? Should i try myself instead of using my sister, i feel maybe separating from him was too hard on him? I am very perplexed I don't want to take any steps backwards, any advice? Anyone?

[CCCmom27]

(((hugs))) Sorry last night didn't go well.  Is he used to your sister getting him to sleep for naps or anything?  It may have been too much for him if not    Sounds like last night he must have been pretty worked up to take 3 hours to go to sleep then.  I'd probably give him a night like you have been doing things but not sure that's the right thing to do.  I'd follow your gut and give him a night off if you think he needs it.  At 19 months I wouldn't take him out of the crib at all.  Use you voice to reassure him you're right there, rub his back if that will help him settle, etc.  But picking him up IMO will make him think you are going to nurse, rock, etc.   Will you be home tomorrow to start with ST for his nap?

[rayan2012]

Hi! Thank you for replying CCCmom27 (((hugs)))

I kinda do think he needs a day off, we will be home tomorrow, I could try with a nap but I don't know how he will receive it. My sister lives 5 hours away in another city, when I do go visit them he is used to sleeping with her sometimes but now that she is here he was very suspicious the first two days and wouldn't leave my side at bedtime.

Also, I dont know if he is also OT, these past few weeks he has been skipping naps and taking late naps in the car and staying up till 10pm which has just encouraged me to go through with this but now I am not so sure.

[CCCmom27]

I could try with a nap but I don't know how he will receive it.

I don't think there's any perfect time that he will receive it well.  You're changing what he has known for 19 months so he will resist it.  As long as he isn't ill or in pain from teething I would just go for it.  If you think he's OT you might want to post your routine and I can see if I can get someone to take a look since I honestly don't remember what kind of routine my boys were on at that age!  I will say that with my youngest I found it better to not let him take a late nap in the car and rather put him to bed early.  At your LOs age you could probably still do a short nap just to get him through til BT but you don't want it to be so long he won't go to sleep until 10. 

HTH (((hugs)))

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
Just jumping in to give a hand also. Yes we do need to see a routine ideally in EAS format so we can see what time wake up is, nap time and BT. At this age we would be aiming for a 2 hour nap and somewhere between a 5-6 hour A time (some do more)
He sounds OT which I am sure you know so adding that to the mix is likely not helping either.

Now forgive me but I really think unless he knows your sister well that it is a pretty big ask to expect him to go from full on co-sleeping with mum to sleeping on his own and being comforted by mum. It is great she is there to lend support but it is also totally normal for him to want mummy.

Can you talk me through how you are settling him for naps and BT now - or how your sister is?

[rayan2012]

Yes of course, his routines are different from weekdays and weekends. Also, past few weeks have been very off schedule. So prior to the past few weeks his routine was like this.

-Weekdays-
Wake up - 7:30am
Breakfast 8-8:30
Naptime was around 12:30pm-1pm....at daycare (which is at his grandma's house), she basically lets him fall asleep in his highchair then moves him to a mattress on the floor.
Wake up from nap 2:15, he would sleep longer only if he was super tired
Snack
Dinner around 5pm
Wind down around 7:30pm (sometimes includes bath and cuddling, and milk)
BT 8:30, which is when I would nurse him to sleep, or if he doesnt fall asleep I would rock him to sleep, and we co-sleep on a mattress on the floor

-Weekends-
7:30am wake up
8:30 Breakfast
Playtime or we go out
Lunch
12:30-1pm Nap (sometimes I take a nap with him in bed, or sometimes I leave him)
3pm wake up (if I nap with him because I rock him back to sleep, or nurse him back to sleep)
2:15 wake up (if i dont sleep with him)
Snack
Playtime
Dinner
8:30pm Bedtime


Now the past few weeks have been crazy,
-Weekdays-
9am wake up
No nap at daycare
He falls asleep in the car ride home around 4:30
Wakes up like 5:30-6pm
Dinner
Bedtime 10-11pm!
-Weekends-
9am wake up
Playtime
2pm Nap
4pm Wake up (I sleep with him on the weekends because he has constant night wakings and I am just exhausted by the weekends, so when he wakes up during nap I nurse him back to sleep)
10pm Bedtime

So this has been going on, as of 3 weeks, very exhausting because throughout the week we have a lot of night wakings.  He knows my sister well, outside of our house. He used to sleep with her at her house whenever we visit, so I assumed he would be comfortable but I guess I was wrong. He has never slept with anyone but me in our house so now I see that that might be a stretch for him.

[*Becky*]

ok, what I would do is wake him no later than 8am as the late morning wake up is not helping is it. So if he is up at 8am then I would PD for a nap at 1.30pm ish and allow a 2 hour nap. BT can then be 8/8.30pm. Does that sound ok? If he is at daycare and does a short nap then aim for a 7/7.30pm BT and really try to stick to it.
If you are with him then no taking out of the cot (yes he will cry!) and gentle reassurance.
What do you think?

[rayan2012]

So should I start this routine and start putting him in the cot at the same time? Or should I start the routine and when he has adjusted put him in the cot?

[*Becky*]

Personally I would just do it al at the same time x