Author Topic: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments  (Read 1728 times)

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Offline *happy*

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arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« on: January 24, 2014, 12:58:19 pm »
ok....let me start by saying i have no idea where this belongs so feel free to move if there's a more appropriate place...

basically, some of you will know i have been having a tough time getting DD2 to take a bottle of BM...she will just about take 1oz, but then it becomes a battle!!!

in short....two relatives-in-law have told me to "leave her go hungry & she'll take it if she's hungry enough"
i have absolutely NO intention of doing this, but i need a response to them (for the next time they say it, which thye no doubt will!) that is PC...if they were my own family, i could speak my mind honestly, but seen as how they are in-laws, i need to be more careful with my wording...

any ideas how i could hande it?






Offline jessmum46

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2014, 14:19:57 pm »
Ugh ::)

I think I'd say something like 'thank you, I really appreciate your suggestions, but that's not something I feel comfortable with right now' and then change the subject. 

Sorry you're still having troubles with it though hun, J was like this and actually we decided it wasn't worth the battle in the end.  But I hope you find something that clicks soon!

Offline zeri

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2014, 14:24:47 pm »
Do they bring this issue up or are they responding to your own concerns? If they are responding to you, I would go radio silence on them and just not tell them anything about her feeding issues. Often as soon as a mother mentions some issue regarding her child it is seen as open advice season, even if the advice is unwelcome and the advisor unqualified!
 If they are bringing up, something simple and direct - "Thank you for being concerned, but DH and I aren't comfortable with that." If she (because it is rarely the male relatives doing this!) persists, then a smile and "Auntie Madge, we will have to agree to disagree on this one. Would you like another coffee?" to redirect her.

(although tbh my instinctive reaction would be "listen lady, you screw up your kids your way and I'll screw up my kids my way. agreed?" :P )
~Lisa~
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Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2014, 14:29:00 pm »
Love that last line Lisa! I agree...don't bring it up and if they do, just say you have to agree to disagree and change the subject.
Heidi




Offline *happy*

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2014, 15:22:27 pm »
lol!i LOVE that lisa! if only!

i guess i'm bringing it up in  a way.
basically,i have 3 hens coming up over the next
month-all 2 hours drive away.so I've been planting
the seed with them that i may not be able to attend.

they are both my own age,give or take. & both have a I
very different parenting style to BW  &me . they are
already think im odd... just for being me ! so i am adding
fuel to the fire by putting BFing ahead of my social life,kwim!






Offline Proud Mammy

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2014, 15:40:11 pm »
Lisa, love your comment...too funny  :D

Happy, you know how white noise works so well for some babies?? ...well, I'd select whichever is your own favourite white noise track and play it in your head when they start up. I found this to be best for me when I was hearing the "oh, you'll have to let him cry a bit now.. It's good to develop his lungs" !!! line from MIL on my first baby.
So - white noise track and nod away at them with a vague & non committal "hmm, yeah maybe..." comment.
I need to get ready to start employing this tack again as I'm beginning to hear "oh sure you'll be stopping that (BF) soon now. Sure you've done enough of that".
We all do what we feel to be right and best for our babies & - at the end of the day, we generally know best ;)

Sorry you're still having trouble with bottles. ... I'm not a whole pile better. the latest in our saga is that Little Man will take bottle from me now, but not other people ??? Seriously Little Man ??? ::)



Offline *happy*

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2014, 19:04:16 pm »
my lady is the same!






Offline Brock~Tahlia~Mummy

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2014, 17:40:45 pm »
How about "oh no, I couldn't do that" in a way that makes it sound that their suggestion is crewel. Then move on to something else or change the subject. Or "can you imagine me doing something like that? You know how I am" *same tone*
I've had to say both of these thing to inlaws! DD is recovering from silent reflux (now on meds and DF diet) and she's been AP'd a lot to get through the tough days and nights. My inlaws have delightfully suggested CIO!!! So I used these lines and well... They never suggested it again! Lol
*Alice*





Offline Shdef

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2014, 19:57:21 pm »
Or how about: "Yes, she does take a bottle. When we are alone, in a dark room, no distractions, middle of the night (when you are not there to see that I am lying)..."

 :P :P :P

To get her to take BM, have you tried an Avent bottle (slowest flow) and the milk really warm? That is the only way DS will take it.

Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2014, 20:12:01 pm »
Oh yeah E (and the older two) both only took ebm or formula if it was super warm!
Heidi




Offline weaver

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2014, 20:21:19 pm »
I love both Lisa's line (I sooooo wish I could use it) and the shocked at the cruelty pantomime reaction.  I would suggest a flat 'no, that's not really an option' or a 'did you do that when you were BFing?'.   Did they/do they BF?  If not, then they can keep their advice to themselves.

they are both my own age,give or take. & both have a I
very different parenting style to BW  &me . they are
already think im odd... just for being me ! so i am adding
fuel to the fire by putting BFing ahead of my social life,kwim!
I get this all the time from my rellies (also from your general neck of the woods as you know).  They think I'm totally loopy for the way I behave towards my children, teach them to sleep, speak to them like they're people, do BLW, baby-wear, etc.  OK, I admit I'm towards the crunchier end of motherhood and I get that that might be unusual for them. But I don't accept their judging me (not any more, it hurt too much :(  and then I realised, damn it, I'm proud of what I do).  I have been given the 'what a weirdo' treatment for not 'having a social life', so you are not alone. 

As for the bottle, if that's something you want to do, great, keep on with it and the brilliant suggestions you're getting here.  If you're only doing it so you can go to some social event someone else thinks you need to go to, I wouldn't bother.  I was all set on getting LO1 to take a bottle, and he did, and then somehow we stopped around 6 mos, and just BF.  LO2 would not accept any plastic in her mouth, so she was a bottle-free baby.  It's up to you what you do, but unless you have a reason *you* want her taking a bottle, I wouldn't put myself through the hassle.  Soon enough you'll be moving her on to cups, anyway. 

I'm sorry I don't have a magic reply for you but I want you to know I get the same guff, probably for the same cultural reasons.  If you want to go to the hen parties, do and have a ball.  If you're not bothered because you'd rather stay with your LOs, then do that.  And I'll be here to cheerlead either way.  ((HUGS))
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline Shdef

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Re: arg....need PC wording please re "leave her go hungry" comments
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2014, 20:22:03 pm »
I wouldn't leave her go super hungry, either, as she might suck so fast that it upsets her tummy and causes her to cough, choke and splutter. Would try after a longish nap and with super warm milk if you really want her to take EBM.