2.5 yr old taking ages to settle at night

[bluebell568]

Hi,

My daughter is 2.5 and finds it really hard to settle to sleep. The only nights when she goes to sleep easily are when she hasn't had a nap during the day and then she is so tired that struggles to cope with anything past 5pm and often falls asleep during her story. But if she has any sort of nap during the day, even if it is just 30 minutes, it takes the edge of her tiredness and she finds it really hard to settle.

I don't want to give up on naps completely (although she fights them like mad) because she is so much happier and easier when she has had a little sleep and I think this is an issue of her learning how to switch off and settle to sleep. There will be a time when she's older that even with no nap she isn't exhausted by bedtime and she will need to know how to lie quietly and go to sleep.

We had a brief period before Christmas when I was able to tuck her in and come downstairs but since Christmas she has wanted me to stay with her and gets upset if I leave. I try to make sure there are jobs I can do quietly in her room like putting washing away and then I tell her I'm just going to the loo or just going to get a drink and I leave her room for a few minutes but this can go on for an hour or more.

Any ideas for how to help her settle? I'm 20 weeks pregnant and really want to sort this before the baby comes as I don't know how I'll spend the whole evening settling dd1 while also looking after number 2!

Thank you

[jenn1975]

Ahhhh..... Our son is the same age and we're going through the same thing. UGH!  I know it's definitely the nap causing the issues.  Right now, we're in an up and down sort of pattern.  Short night, longer nap.  Then short nap, longer night.  Back and forth.  And then a nap refusal thrown in here and there with and early BT, long night, short nap.  Good times!  Just kidding.

I think our next approach will be shortening the nap to 45 min or one hour tops.  Then do a set wakeup in the morning.  Then if he has longer nights, throw in a no nap day here and there.  I'm thinking this is going to go on for awhile until the no nap days begin to increase and then the nap just goes.  Makes me sad.

Right now, with him taking a nap, BT has become 9:15-9:30!  YIKES.  We're just going with it for now.  Good luck!

[*Becky*]

How many days a week does she nap would you say? Does she have a usual routine we could look at i.e. wake up time, time you are trying for the nap and BT?

[bluebell568]

She usually wakes up around 6 at the moment but will cuddle with me until between 6:30 and 6:45. At nursery they go for their naps at 12:30 but because she takes so long to settle she often sleeps from 1:15 and usually for between 30 and 60 minutes. Sometimes they can't get her to nap at all then and she might have no nap or a later nap. The no nap days tend to be days when she is at home with me. She probably has no nap days on 3 days a week.
If she doesn't have a nap then I try to get her to bed by 6 or 6:15 so she has time to have 12 hours sleep. On days when she naps we tend to turn the light off at 7 or 7:15 ish but it might be 8 or later when she falls asleep. If she has had a particularly long or late nap then I will make bedtime later.
Hope that makes sense!

[*Becky*]

It does sound like the nap is causing problems. With DS we did 30/35 min naps 3 times a week as CU naps but kept BT the same time i.e. 6.45/7pm. Do you think that could work?

[PineapplePrincess]

My child is going to be 29 months at the end of the week and we struggled with this issue in January. It was partly a molar coming through and definitely the nap causing issues. He is close to dropping his nap. He will sleep 12 ONS if he skips his nap.  Here is what we do:

1. BTC nap- put down at 1, asleep by 1:15/1:30, cap the nap to ONE hour only

2. PD for bed at 7:45, he is asleep between 8:30/9:00, but usually 8:30.

3. He wakes up mostly at 7:00, but I start his day no later than 7:15

He's getting only about 11-11.5 TS, but if i give him a longer nap like 1.5 hours he only sleeps 9.5 hours at night or less! He doesn't settle for bed till 9:30/10:00. We were getting 12 TS till January and that's when his sleep pattern changed. He can skip a nap for a day but then needs it the next day, so we aren't going to completely drop it yet. I might alternate when the time gets closer.

[bluebell568]

This weekend DD has had a nap each day from 1 until 2:30 (naturally woken up at this time not capped). I've put her in bed at 7 and she's been asleep by 7:30. She has been getting up at about 7:15 (having woken earlier but happily snuggled with me until 7:15ish).

The only two differences between what we have done this weekend and what normally happens is 1) she has been at home with me all day, quietly pottering around - we haven't ventured far because she is newly potty trained. And 2) I have laid in bed cuddling her to help her go to sleep (I wanted to see how quickly she would go to sleep with me there). The fact that she has gone to sleep relatively easily even though she has napped during the day suggests to me that this is more about her difficulties self settling (and perhaps the level of stimulation during the day) rather than the length or timing of the naps.

Tomorrow she will be at nursery all day so I am going to try lying with her at bedtime again to see how long it takes for her to settle. (She is likely to have a shorter nap at nursery.) It will be interesting to see if she struggles to settle quickly after a day at nursery even with me lying with her.

If she still manages to settle quickly with me there on nursery days then I guess it is about her learning to settle by herself which I think will be a very gradual process for her. If she struggles to settle after nursery even with me there then it may be more about the stimulation at nursery and helping her calm down and switch off on nursery days.

I'd be interested to know your thoughts on my ideas. I'll let you know how we get on tomorrow.

[bluebell568]

Ok so on Tuesday she was at nursery and had a nap from 1.25 - 1.55 was in bed for 7 and asleep by 7.20 with me lying with her. Yesterday we were at home but grandma visited so nap was a little late (2 - 3.30). She took longer to fall asleep even with me there so I guess she wasn't so tired having napped later. Today she's been at nursery all day and only napped for 20 mins. Was very tired and in bed by 6.30. Asleep within 10 mins with me lying with her.

So it seems that even with daily naps she can settle to sleep fairly quickly if I lie with her. So the question now is how best to transition her from going to sleep cuddling me to going to sleep on her own? I'm happy to lie with her now if I means I get the rest of my evening back but it does mean she wants me if she wakes in the night and baby number 2 is due in July.

Any good ideas anyone?

Many thanks.

[*Becky*]

You could gradually take the contact away so if you are cuddling her now you could move to just sitting with her, then sitting across the room until you can just be by the door etc. What do you think?

[bluebell568]

Yes I think that is going to be the best way. I imagine it will be a VERY gradual withdrawal with her!