thanks so much for keeping in constant communication with me... it really helps with my anxiety issues
No problem. I come on whenever I can although obviously I have my DS and family life too so I can't always answer quickly regarding a specific problem for that day or that nap. If you find yourself in that position of really needing some one right now (for nap help or for a hug or just to vent to) please feel free to start a thread with something 'now' or 'quick' in the thread title on a relevant board. The great thing about this community is it is world wide so there is always someone up and about to respond to an urgent message.
You've mentioned your anxiety a few times. I realise you recognise this which is important, do you feel that you are coping though? Do you feel that talking to someone either on the couch or PPD board might be helpful? Do you feel you would like to speak to someone in real life to help with these anxieties? You don't need to answer any of these questions. I just want you to know there are people who can support you if you need it. There are also many mums here with experience of anxiety who would be able to offer advice or hugs if you want them.
In terms of day and night sleep. it looks like he's getting 10.5 - 11hrs at night which is what mine always did (we rarely reached the magical 12 hr night unless it was just following a nap drop. At 3yo and with no nap we get 12 hr nights (sometimes 12.5hr!) but amazingly still have the 6.30am WU!! If I am lucky he sleeps until lights on at 6.45am but getting him past this marker would be hard and seems not really worth the bother). But your DS's day sleep seems less than many his age. I would think two 1.5hr naps or a 2hr and a 1hr would be preferable and if possible an 11hr+ night too. So...
I might shorten morning A time to 3:15min and let him sleep till he's done and then play the next nap by ear?
Yes. now that he is getting a decent nap of 1.5hr+ I would try a slightly shorter A. See if you can fit in 2 good naps in the day and not put him to bed too late, 7.30 at the latest really if WU is likely to be 6.30am.
Cooing and snoozing after WU is good though, he is just chilling out there

Eating. Honestly I never came across anyone that fed solids and milk this way at the same time. That's not to say you are doing it 'wrong' only I just never saw it. Everyone I know and everyone I came across here does milk feeds only then an hour later solids feed only (with a sippy cup of water). The reason I asked for you EAS a couple of posts back to see where his meals were is because you said he seemed grumpy until his 7pm milk so I was wondering why that was. So, the theory behind milk first solids later:
As you know milk is their primary food until 1yo. It is highest in fat, nutrients and calories, it's the good stuff (esp bm).
Solids on the other hand are for learning about tastes, smells, textures in the first instance. Over time the solids increase but the milk rarely drops until more like 10 months. Between 6 - 10 months the milk intake sort of stays the same and the increased appetite (due to growth) is sated with solids. It also means that milk feeds can shift to more than 4hrs if needed (say 5hrs because a nap comes at the 4hr E mark so LO goes longer between milk E) because they are also eating between the milk feeds which keeps them going.
Whilst there is no need to limit milk intake there are occasions when limiting solids is needed to ensure milk intake is high enough, keeping milk and solids feeds separate allows LO to fully fill up on milk and then build just a little appetite for solids coming an hour later. My concern with doing milk and solids at the same time is that his tummy is getting filled with solids and not allowing him to take as much milk as he would like because he just feels full, then a while later he may feel hungry because he has long to wait until the next meal. At this age they are more active so burning off those calories more too. Some of the fussiness you are seeing in him may have nothing to do with sleep, it could just be that he has used up all his energy and needs some food to keep him going. Mine looks like he is going to nod off until he's given a couple of crackers or a bunch of grapes and suddenly he's running around the house like a mad thing full of energy again. So, give this some thought, an average E routine would look like this:
Milk at 7, 11, 3, 7 (with some shifting based on LOs personal routine)
Solids at 8 (breakfast plus water), 12 (lunch plus water), 4 (dinner plus water, could be 4.30/5.00)
Later on (around 10-12 months) the 11am and 3pm milks switch to solids snacks with water drink.
(By the way - I forgot to mention in my earlier post how great I think it is that you have donor breast milk! That's really cool!)
OK. I said quite a lot. Let it sink in and see what you think xx