3.5 y/o NW..I'm handing it wrong, please help

[larren]

DS is 3.5 textbook/spirited who started to get out of bed (is it still called NW?) around the time 5m DD was born. DS has been a sleep trained baby whispered baby since about a year old and we haven't had any issues until now..not even when we moved and switched him to having his own room. There could be a lot of different factors that play into his sleep disturbance:
- birth of DD
- DH lives and works in a difference city half of the week
- DH was on paternity leave for 6wks so he was home consistently (but is back to work now)

When he first started his NWs, I would just take him back to his room but he got out of bed more frequently and I felt he thought I was entertaining him. We share a room with DD so whenever DS came in, he would wake her more often than she already does! Terribly irritated by this, I started locking our door and talking to DS through his (video) baby monitor whenever he got out of bed..sometimes he whines, cries, and bangs on the door, other times he just goes back into bed.

DS has a clock and he understands and remembers when it is okay to get out of bed, which is from what I understand is the concept of a grow clock. I'm not sure if there is suppose to be consequences...we haven't applied them. He doesn't have a night light but he does have a "magical" flashlight that takes away bad dreams and will help him sleep. We pray and have a very elaborate WD.

I know I'm handling it properly but I'm not sure how to respond to his NWs without disrupting DD sleep as well. Please help me fix it so I'm not abandoning him a night 

[*Becky*]

I presume he is not napping now?
Rather than locking your door I would get a gate on his door so that he has to stay where he is. I think if he can come out it sort of takes away the relevance of the gro clock. Then i would reassure him from your room or wherever you can but unless he is upset I would not go to him so he does not start to think it is a game. Soothing with your voice and gentle reminders to go back to bed will hopefully help. Also taking out anything in his room he could play with so it seems really boring. What do you think?

[larren]

doh, that last paragraph should say "I know I'm *NOT* handling it properly..."

Some days he naps, others he doesn't. When he does, it averages 1hr.

He has toys in his room in his closet but they are always put away and out of sight before bed so he does not play when he is suppose to be sleeping. Should those toys be removed? If I soothe from the video monitor will that be fine?

[*Becky*]

so you don't notice any difference on the days he naps and the days he doesn't? Neither makes for a better night?

[larren]

No, DH and I don't notice a difference. On days he naps, if he comes out, he comes out soon after we've put him down and have said goodnight. On days he doesn't nap, he falls asleep quickly and if he does come in, it's usually in the MOTN. He napped the past two days and he also tries to come in early morning.

Is there a brand of baby gate that is popular amongst parents of toddlers? We would need one of those tension ones but I'm not sure how that will hold against a 3.5 y/o

[*Becky*]

might be worth posting about that on the Product Recommendations thread as am sure you will get some eyes there.