Author Topic: very needy baby - how to cope?  (Read 4074 times)

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Offline sun_shines

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very needy baby - how to cope?
« on: March 13, 2014, 21:57:42 pm »
when your 1st baby is an angel, here comes the 2nd one to show you that it can be harder.. way harder!
my lovely 6 mth old boy was very easy at the beginning, but became more and more needy for the past months. he wants to be held all the time. he is ok by himself for 5 min, sometimes not even.. he can roll back and forth, plays with toys.. doesn't show much interest in baby shows. he just wants to be in our arms all the time or us to be in his face constantly. this is very hard, as i have a 3 1/2 yr old at home with me that needs care and attention, although more independent. i also have all the house chores and almost no help from anyone until my husband comes home. i am a petite and cannot walk around all day with almost 17 lbs in my arms, neither do i want to encourage this. i can't stand hear his crying. also he's waking up at night many times, he's breastfed(milk is decreasing a lot), won't accept formula or solids.. i feel like i am losing my mind.. like i can't cope with this situation anymore.. i put him in his crib and let him cry there for a bit, so i can make dinner or attend his brother. i feel handcuffed and don't know what to do anymore with him.. nothing makes him happy, except our arms.

Offline nevinsmama

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2014, 01:47:45 am »
Hi there, I am sorry you are having a hard time. One hour at a time, keep breathing through this! May I just say what I wish someone had said to me after my shocking DD cam along 3 years after my mellow DS?  "ANYTHING ( yes, anything) you are feeling right now is  ok and normal, this will all pass". I had an easy DS and a very challenging DD and it nearly did me in but we all made it through. The first year, or so, do what you need to do to survive.

Do you have a carrier, or the ability to borrow one so he isn't left to cry? Tracy strongly opposed CIO or leaving a child to cry as it does break their trust in you. I say this in the gentlest way possible as I do know how hard it is to cope with everyone counting on you and housework piling up and dealing with it ALL through the fog of exhaustion.

Focus on what you CAN cope with and be willing to let the rest go for a bit, this will get better.
If we can help you with any of the sleep issues or if you are wanting to kick up the milk production you are welcome to post on either of these boards.

You can do this, it will be OK.

General Sleep Issues
Breast Feeding
« Last Edit: March 14, 2014, 01:54:21 am by nevinsmama »

Maryn


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Offline MasynSpencerElliotte

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2014, 04:42:29 am »
(((Hugs))) my 2nd was a bit of a shocker too and never wanted to be put down either. Thankfully once she learned a butt scoot at 7/8 months things got easier. In hindsight I really wish I had let more go - really so long as we were fed and dressed (even in pj's!) not much else mattered. This time I have been using a mei tei carrier and put DD3 on my back to do housework or cooking when no one else is home. I even lay her in the tub while I shower!

Also with the horrid winter we are having being stuck inside with lo's makes it so much harder! I live in a small town so nowhere to go really though indoors for the kids!
Heidi




Offline scruffymax

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2014, 05:48:28 am »
Just piping in to say I feel your pain - 25 mo dd was angel/textbook but 4 mo ds is anything but. It is really, really hard at times. This too shall pass... But it's still really hard when you're stuck in the middle of it.



Offline sun_shines

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2014, 18:01:23 pm »
Thank you ladies for your encouraging words!:) i do see the light at the end of the tunnel, i just hope i will still be sane when i get there.
i tried with a carrier, but he get fussy so quickly so i need to take him out. It breaks my heart to let him cry, I have just done that a couple of times for short periods, but sometimes there's no other way if i am by myself with the kids. His brother tries to be funny and make him smile or laugh, but if he doesn't smile he thinks he doesn't like him. I keep telling him that he loves him, but he's not feeling ok. I can tell the difference when the crying is due to pain/discomfort. Most of the time is not. You should see his smug smile when he's picked up. He's all smiles until he's put down again.
The weather this time is not friendly either. This winter doesn't want to end..It can drive anyone nuts. He gets sick easily if it's cold outside, even if it's from the car to the store. Maybe things will get better when spring comes and we can be outside more in the fresh air. Maybe he will get better when he will crawl and discover new things. I always had lots of patience with children and i am a mom in her late 30's, but i feel overwhelmed this time. It's two kids that need care and i have no help. Might be the hormones and all the frustration, lack of sleep.. I even decide to go see the dr after yelling at the baby to be quiet, which made me feel so bad and guilty. I did not read at all about PPD, but i thought i would see a dr. just to be sure. She never told me if i have PPD or not, but gave me antidepressants and told me that it's normal how i feel. The meds sheet says i can't breastfeed with these meds, but she said i can. I was so confused and decided not to take any. Than searched info related to PPD, which i don't think I have. I have lots of motivation to wake up and shower, put make-up, take care of the kids and myself, make meals and so on, although i am tired all the time. My problem is the frustration and lack of help. Why should i take antidepressant if i lose it one a month maybe, after barely sleeping at night or when having my period.. I need to tackle his routine and make it more consistent, need to see what i can do about his NW. Need to try to change the life style by going out more often, getting together with other people, walking..

Offline weaver

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2014, 20:17:24 pm »
Just seeing this here, having posted on your Solid Food thread.  Biggest hugs, it sounds like it's really tough but that you've got a handle on it.

I have to say having two little ones is really really tough some times.  If you need to vent, we are here!  That might help with the frustration.  And of course there will be plenty of people willing to help with routine and NWs.  Personally, I'd start with the NWs, that would have killed me by now!

More hugs.
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline TB9

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2014, 12:30:21 pm »
Lots of (((hugs)))

It was very difficult with my first LO.  She also wanted to be carried all the time, had reflux and was very spirited and touchy.  I feel like she cried all the time  :'(  I cant even imagine going through that again with the winter we have been having (I am in Ontario too  ;) ).  It was so cold out that there was a whole month or so that I didnt even take the kids out to go anywhere!  My second LO also likes lots of contact with mumma, which means carrying her a lot so i can get things done...not an easy task when she is off the charts for height and weight!

It is very difficult having two, so vent away if you need to.  Even though it doesnt feel like it now, it will get better, I promise  :-*

Offline sun_shines

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2014, 15:16:05 pm »
thank you! one day we will get there.. i guess i just have to stay tough and optimistic..
my 1st boy was a combination of Angel and Textbook baby.. my 2nd boy started off as a Textbook, but now i can't even tell what type he is...

Offline weaver

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2014, 15:18:18 pm »
Did you see my post on your thread on "solid food"? I posted some links to the baby personality quiz to help you work out his type. Sorry, can't repost now as on my phone. Sounds like we're thinking along similar lines ;)
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline sun_shines

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2014, 15:59:48 pm »
yes, thank you! i will do the quiz right now.. i'm curious! :)

Offline sun_shines

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2014, 16:13:15 pm »
well, i scored majority for both Textbook and Touchy, so he must be a mix of those..

Offline *Ali*

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2014, 17:55:55 pm »
I used to set up the high chair near where I was working to prepare dinner so my LO could see what I was doing.  He was even happier if I gave him a saucepan and wooden spoon to bang :) That way even if he is crying to be picked up I can use my voice to tell him what I am doing etc and at least he isn't feeling abandoned like he might in another room where he couldn't see me. You could even put some food like carrot sticks on his tray and he might surprise you and have a suck.

Wanting to be held at this age is so normal.  He is just starting to realise you are a separate person and can walk off and leave him. That is scary for a baby. Babies cry and the kids whine. It is something you can't really stop altogether so it's important to find ways to deal with it and not let it feel like he is doing it to annoy or manipulate you.  Of course he was pleased he had been picked up.  It was what he was crying for. He knew you understood his plea and you responded accordingly.  That is a good thing :)
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Offline weaver

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2014, 21:05:37 pm »
well, i scored majority for both Textbook and Touchy, so he must be a mix of those..
Aha! My boy was textbook, touchy  - and he has lost most of his touchy characteristics to be more of a spirited introvert.  Touchiness reappears sometimes but very rarely and only if he's really stressed about something.

To me the key things about my touchy baby were that he was *very very* sensitive to overstimulation and overtiredness.  With a rock-solid routine, and lots of physical closeness, he was a star.  For example, I could fly with him with no hassle, take him through airports, on planes, etc, as long as I carried him in his carrier (ergo) and made sure he rested when he needed to.  No crying, none at all. These days he is a champion at independent play, not clingy, not prone to whinging (occasionally, like all 3 yos!).

The fact that your guy is a mix of textbook and touchy is a blessing - it should be reasonably straight-forward to get his routine right and that should help him a lot.  :)
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline ZacsMumme

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #13 on: March 15, 2014, 23:56:45 pm »
I just saw your thread and want to send hugs!
Tink describes my first too ;) and is right when she says it WILL get better.
It was very difficult with my first LO.  She also wanted to be carried all the time, had reflux and was very spirited and touchy.  I feel like she cried all the time  :'(  I cant even imagine going through that again with the winter we have been having (I am in Ontario too  ;) ).  It was so cold out that there was a whole month or so that I didnt even take the kids out to go anywhere!  My second LO also likes lots of contact with mumma, which means carrying her a lot so i can get things done...not an easy task when she is off the charts for height and weight!

It is very difficult having two, so vent away if you need to.  Even though it doesnt feel like it now, it will get better, I promise  :-*

To me the key things about my touchy baby were that he was *very very* sensitive to overstimulation and overtiredness.  With a rock-solid routine, and lots of physical closeness, he was a star.  For example, I could fly with him with no hassle, take him through airports, on planes, etc, as long as I carried him in his carrier (ergo) and made sure he rested when he needed to.  No crying, none at all. These days he is a champion at independent play, not clingy, not prone to whinging (occasionally, like all 3 yos!).
^^ ITA with this too. Z was very clingy, sensitive to OS, fearful, intense. They are hard work but they do turn into lovely children :) (still hard work, but so loving)

Hang in there. And keep posting :-*
***Sara***
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DS1 - Our sensitive soul. Silent reflux.

DS2 Our cheeky chipmunk. Reflux, MSPI.

Offline Shdef

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Re: very needy baby - how to cope?
« Reply #14 on: March 18, 2014, 18:42:58 pm »
You might not have the right kind of carrier? Have you tried a Moby Wrap or something similar? There should be a sling library near you to try it out.

And getting OUT as MUCH as possible is a good solution. A pram where baby faces you should keep him happy and content.

HUGS!