Thank you ladies for your encouraging words!:) i do see the light at the end of the tunnel, i just hope i will still be sane when i get there.
i tried with a carrier, but he get fussy so quickly so i need to take him out. It breaks my heart to let him cry, I have just done that a couple of times for short periods, but sometimes there's no other way if i am by myself with the kids. His brother tries to be funny and make him smile or laugh, but if he doesn't smile he thinks he doesn't like him. I keep telling him that he loves him, but he's not feeling ok. I can tell the difference when the crying is due to pain/discomfort. Most of the time is not. You should see his smug smile when he's picked up. He's all smiles until he's put down again.
The weather this time is not friendly either. This winter doesn't want to end..It can drive anyone nuts. He gets sick easily if it's cold outside, even if it's from the car to the store. Maybe things will get better when spring comes and we can be outside more in the fresh air. Maybe he will get better when he will crawl and discover new things. I always had lots of patience with children and i am a mom in her late 30's, but i feel overwhelmed this time. It's two kids that need care and i have no help. Might be the hormones and all the frustration, lack of sleep.. I even decide to go see the dr after yelling at the baby to be quiet, which made me feel so bad and guilty. I did not read at all about PPD, but i thought i would see a dr. just to be sure. She never told me if i have PPD or not, but gave me antidepressants and told me that it's normal how i feel. The meds sheet says i can't breastfeed with these meds, but she said i can. I was so confused and decided not to take any. Than searched info related to PPD, which i don't think I have. I have lots of motivation to wake up and shower, put make-up, take care of the kids and myself, make meals and so on, although i am tired all the time. My problem is the frustration and lack of help. Why should i take antidepressant if i lose it one a month maybe, after barely sleeping at night or when having my period.. I need to tackle his routine and make it more consistent, need to see what i can do about his NW. Need to try to change the life style by going out more often, getting together with other people, walking..