6 month old night wakings - not just for feeding

[Mamadoodles]

Hi,

Looking for ideas on how to get our 6 month old DD to sleep for longer stretches during the night. She is breastfed and goes to sleep on her own, but is waking frequently. I don't believe she is hungry every time so I don't feed her every time. I think this is adding to the problem though - I think DD is wondering why I sometimes BF and sometimes don't! Typical day:

6:30am- BF & some solids (just started)
7:00-8:30, Awake,
8:30-10:00, Sleep (story, given pacifier, put in crib awake)
10:00-10:15, BF
10:15-12:00, Awake
12:00-1:30, Sleep
1:30-2:00, BF & solids
2:00-3:30, Awake
3:30-4:30, Sleep (sometimes in stroller/car seat if we're out)
4:30-4:45, BF
4:45-5:30, Awake (gentle play)
5:30, BF (trying to get extra in)
6:00pm, Bedtime routine starts (bath, massage, pjs, BF, story, cuddle, down in crib no pacifier)
7:00pm, Sleep

Our days run pretty smoothly and we find DD goes to sleep within 15 minutes of being placed in her crib. Then it all falls apart a bit at night...

DD then wakes up around 9-9:30pm. I usually BF at this time because she tends to be hungry. This would be fine if she went to sleep again and only got up when hungry. She can comfortably go 4-5 hours at night before getting hungry, but wakes after 2 hours (sometimes 1 hour!) We can have up to 6 wakings per night. She cries, we wait to hear if she's actually awake. If not, we put a hand on her chest and she usually goes back to sleep. If awake, she cries until picked up. If I pick her up, she is comforted for a few secs then cries harder until BF. I'm hesitant to BF every time she wakes because I don't want her to eat regularly at night, plus when I've caved in the past and BF, she just sucked for a few secs then tried to sleep at the breast. When DH picks her up she cries and cries for me. DH has had some success recently by not picking her up and sitting with a hand on her chest 'till DD falls asleep. This doesn't work for me though - she gets too stimulated when she knows it's me and cries more. We've tried leaving her in her crib and just patting/shushing. We've tried PU/PD. Both seemed to be failures because the crying just escalated, DD was awake for long periods, OT every day for about a week and we really hated to have her CIO. Our paediatrician suggested DH offer her some water when waking at a non BF time. We haven't tried this yet because DD won't take a bottle at the moment. So right now we are being inconsistent with how we deal with NW. DH comforts DD in her crib, I try to PU/PD with little success (DD expects BF), I sometimes just give DD her pacifier. We'd be fine with pacifier if DD would keep it in/able to locate it herself. She can get it in her mouth, but then pulls it out and cries. On top of this DD is still being swaddled. She goes to sleep at night with arms out, but we end up putting arms back in because on NW DDs arms flail around and she pulls at her face and ears (this keeps her awake). We feel like we've tried everything! No sign of teeth yet, but could be teething? SA? All suggestions welcome! Fresh perspective and all that....
Thanks!

[Layla]

Hello and welcome to the BW!

Sorry to hear about all those night wakings... I hope we can get to the bottom of it

You're probably right in that she doesn't need to be fed at every awakening but it actually sounds like she hasn't learned how to self soothe and she's waking at night, expecting to helped some way or another. My rule of thumb was to feed at night at the same interval as I would during the day, so in our case if my dd was feeding 4 hourly and was awake at night from 4+ hrs, I would feed her. If it was less, I tried to resettle. For a breastfed baby, 3.5hrs is a good interval at that age and we also cluster fed and had a feed just after the catnap and then final feed before bedtime. If you see that she's genuinely hungry at the 9-9.30pm awakening, then go ahead and feed her but I would probably try and resettle the next lot of night wakings rather than feed her unless the night waking is 3.5-4+ hrs from the last feed.

I am also wondering whether the paci is a prop and maybe she needs to be weaned from the swaddle? Would you be willing to wean the swaddle and maybe you could do 1 arm out at a time or you could try the Aussie Swaddle? I've posted a link for some success stories to give you an idea how others went ahead with weaning. With her arms out, she may find comfort in sucking her thumb or other finger/s or playing with her ear or her hair or whatever to soothe herself.
Paci or Swaddle Weaning Success Stories Here
Swaddling Technique (aka "Aussie swaddle")
Weaning the swaddle - when, how, tips and tricks

With regards to resettling at night... I would pick a method and stick to it (which can be really hard)! For us, dd3 settled much better for DH too as she too expected to be fed from me and so I sent him in most of the time . She responded really well to shh/pat (pu/pd would send her crazy) but he used to pick her up only when she was really upset, quick cuddle to settle her and then back down again. Otherwise, we would pat her bottom and shh at the same time until she would settle. I would shhh until she started settling down and then leave her. If she was mantra crying, I'd leave her and only go back in when she was crying "I need you" cry. If her cries escalated to the "I need you" cry, I'd go back in and shh/pat again and leave once she started settling down. Repeat, repeat, repeat!!! With time, she will learn how to settle herself and will need you less and less. If your DD is mantra crying and you're still in there with her, that may hinder her ability to learn how to self soothe...

Let me know what you think

[Mamadoodles]

Hi Layla,

Thanks for the welcome and for taking the time to respond 
I'm finding comfort in your suggestion to BF every 3.5 - 4 hrs at night. So many people/books/sites say babies should be sleeping longer stretches! We were feeling like something must be wrong with us since we felt DD couldn't last more than 4 hrs between BF. If I can look at the clock and know she's not going to starve, I'll be so much more confident in letting DH deal with her. We are trying to get DD out of swaddle 1 arm at a time. We often re-swaddle again if she'd really struggling to get back to sleep. As I type I'm realising we will just have to persevere and keep trying. I'm going to spend time looking at the links you provided to get some tips for the swaddle and the paci

Again, Thanks so much !   

[Layla]

No worries and let me know if you have any questions once you've read the links. I never had success swaddling but I did have to wean dd2 from the paci and do some serious sleep training around 4 months, when I was replugging her every hour and it was clearly a prop!

Fwiw, all my girls were fed at this age at night with approximately 2 feeds. Dd3 did show the ability to sleep 11-12hrs from around 4 months but it was random and even though she could do it, on the nights she'd wake (anywhere from 4+hrs), I would go ahead and feed her.

 

[Mamadoodles]

Hi again! Sorry I've been MIA for a while. I implemented some changes and expected to come on here to report good things  We have had some good changes: DD needed to be swaddled to stay asleep, but we have now got her sleeping with both arms out! 

I noticed DD was getting hungry around 9:00pm ish so I started to go in and DF at this time. This worked well and DD slept right through till she was hungry again ~12-12:30am then back down to sleep and hungry again around ~3-4 am. Worked like a charm  We had been struggling with DD waking up even when she wasn't hungry so again, this was an improvement!

Lately though DD has been getting up ~ 8pm hungry. I haven't changed anything in her daily routine so thinking she's not getting enough during the day? I BF and have noticed DD is getting distracted during the day and eating well at night. I have taken DD to a quiet darker room during the day to BF but she still tried to look around the room! Any tips on how to get more in? Am I missing anything in the routine I posted?

Thank you!

[Layla]

If you're routine is the same as in your original post and your bub is about 7 months old?, maybe its time to drop the catnap!!! . She may be getting up because she's sleeping too much during the day or the 3rd nap is too close to bedtime...

With regards to milk feeds, darker room helps but also making sure she's hungry enough. How much solids is she having at the moment?

Have a look at this link and let me know what you think All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months

[Mamadoodles]

Hi and thanks for the quick respose!  Ok, we'll try to stretch out the time DD is awake in the afternoon before bed and see how she does. With the food, she has ~ 1oz each feed - she doesn't always eat this much, sometimes a few spoonfuls and that's it. 

I've noticed she doesn't BF for very long at the 5-5:30 feed. If I leave it 'till after bath DD is too sleepy eat much and just wants to read her story and get to bed! Then she's up after sleeping for an hour