Please help, Daddy away DS (3yo)refuses to sleep.

[Mama_Mia]

DH has had to go away for work and he has been gone almost 3 weeks. For the last week and a half DS has laid in bed very quietly trying to go to sleep until after 9pm. His BT has been 6:30 for the last month (previously 6pm bt) and he was always asleep by 7:30 at the latest. For a couple of days he woke between 7:30-8 (usual wu time 6:30-7) but for the last few days he has been waking between 6-7. I KNOW he isn't getting enough sleep but I dont know what to do. He did the same thing the last time DH was working 7 days/week but at that time we just kept him up later so he could see daddy before he went to sleep. Now that is not an option as DH is out of state. My poor baby needs sleep and I have no idea how to help him. Any idea's?

[deb]

Melatonin? Make sure no screen time after supper; blue light from TV/computer/phone can interfere with tur body's natural production of melatonin to help induce sleep. If you buy melatonin, just use a teeny-weeny dosage. It's helped us take the edhe off bedtimes off and on for a couple years now. Prob not good lng term but to break the cycle maybe?

[Mama_Mia]

is it just sold as melatonin or do I look for something else?

[becj86]

Can he Skype or something, so he can see him? L was like ths too, when DH was away and it was a nightmare.

[deb]

It's sold as melatonin. I thinl i found mine at a Vitamin Shoppe but health food stores have it, or u can get online. It comes in tablets, sublinguals, or drops.

[Buttonbobs]

Hi there, if this is a thing that is related to missing your DH, could you talk to him about the time DH is away and help him look forward to him comin back, perhaps use a sticker chart or similar to count the days down? Can they talk on he phone at all while he's away?

It sounds less like a medical unable to sleep thing and more like a needs a little more comfort while daddy is away, like an SA type issue to me, so I would probably approach things that way.

[anna*]

I'd stay with him, stroke his head, even just ask him if he's worrying and then address the worries he can articulate. Melatonin does need to be approached with some caution and shouldn't be used for more than a couple of nights in a row without medical supervision, as if you use it regularly it can mean th ebody stops producing it's own melatonin, so really that would be a last resort in emergency situation for me.

[deb]

I'd stay with him, stroke his head, even just ask him if he's worrying and then address the worries he can articulate. Melatonin does need to be approached with some caution and shouldn't be used for more than a couple of nights in a row without medical supervision, as if you use it regularly it can mean th ebody stops producing it's own meal toning, so really that would be a last resort in emergency situation for me.

Yes, definitely not for long-term use. We only use it here when the clock changes or a kid gets a second wind just before bedtime and can't unwind, to break a cycle.

[weaver]

Poor wee guy.  I would go down the explaining and comforting route. 

Maybe a sweater of Dada's to cuddle in bed?  I would definitely include kissing a photo, or blowing a kiss , talk about where he is, and when he'll come back. (I do all this when OH works late with my LOs and it helps them, I think.) The calendar count-down is a great idea. I would try telling him that Dada misses him, and is thinking of him, and what they will do together when he comes back.  That sort of thing.

Lavender oil on a tissue in the room may assist, or rescue remedy for children may help him relax a bit more.  Even the old fashioned cup of hot milk. 

[HenaV]

Hi there,

I'm with Naomi, Anne and Anna. I say that because my DH works away a lot - for example he is away all of next week, back for 3/4 days and then again away for 3 days. In addition I have a step-daughter who lives with us half of the week and on alternate weekends. R who is 32m can find the changes unsettling especially if her sister and daddy are not there at the same time. The way we get around it is lots of reassurance from me re: how many sleeps until Mimi and/or daddy are home (whoever is the 'issue'), extra cuddles and attention if needed, phone calls to her sister so R's mind she is confident that she is still there and has not disappeared and FaceTime with daddy at BT or first thing in the morning.

I have never used Melanolin or any other type of meds to deal with this situation, which as I say for us in an ongoing one. And TBH i can't say i'd recommend it when there are so many other practical things that you can try and do for us at least seem to do the trick.

It may help you to know that as much as my step daughter being away with her Mother for half of the week is the norm in our house, R still has the same issues/concerns as to where her sister is. She is not one for change particularly and she will ask the same Q - where is Mimi mummy, I give her the answer and then the reassurance that she will be back in x amounts of sleep. She doesn't always like the answer and protests that she wants her sister back now, but does accept it once reassured

HTH xx

[Mama_Mia]

Thanks for the idea's everyone.

We cant do video skype because I only have dial up internet which wont run the video.

We cant do a sticker chart of any kind because we have no idea when Daddy is coming home. He will be gone at least another 2 weeks but could be another 2 months.

I do stay with him until he kicks me out. I have been climbing into his crib every night for the last year and reading to him, then we talk and cuddle and then he will tell me to go to my own bed so I do.

He talks to daddy on the phone daily and always after he climbs into his crib for BT so daddy can say good night.

With all the wonderful suggestions it seems that the only cure is for daddy to come home. I dont know how long we can keep doing this. He finally fell asleep at 9:30 last night then was awake at 6:30 this morning. He doesn't nap so there is no way to catch up on any sleep, EBT used to work but at this point I am afraid I would put him to bed early and he would still just lay there awake until 9 or after.

[becj86]

L loves to have "something special" at the moment... Could daddy send him something special? L sleeps with one of his dad's cars or a stuffed animal his dad had when he was a kid when he's missing him. Given he little I know of him, I think it fairly likely that M is spending a lot of time thinking and having a hard time switching off... Not sure really how to fix that though. Do you guys chat about your day and how he's feeling with hubby away? It is tough who you don't know when he's going to be back. In that situation I've always explained he longest likely scenario for L with a calendar and he's been so excited if dad gets home earlier.

[Mama_Mia]

I think it fairly likely that M is spending a lot of time thinking and having a hard time switching off..

I think thats it exactly, he woke at 6:30 this morning and now it's 8:15 and he is still laying there totally quiet but awake. We do talk about the fact that we miss daddy and how nice it is to talk to daddy on the phone. Today we even managed to go find some internet and see daddy on skype, but "if" we could do that more often it would only be once a week on Saturday as that is the only day DH is off work. DS is reminding me of myself more and more, I always have a difficult time sleeping at night unless totally exhausted because I cant shut my mind off. If DS was a bit older or at least more capable of comprehending things better this situation would probably be easier. But as it stands he doesnt understand feelings and such yet, if I ask him if he misses daddy he says "ya" but if I was to ask him if he was happy that daddy is gone he would also say "ya". It is so complicated with a child thats so young.

[becj86]

I wonder about some kind of sleep time ritual perhaps including a massage, that body relaxing thing where you relax toes, then feet, then ankles, etc. or something may help. I know its tricky at this age, L wasn't into it but M is older...

FX you can find something xx

[Buntybear]

Is he active during the day? Just wondering to help with an early BT you could really wear him out doing something physical in the day??