6-1/2 month waking up several times at night

[heather8844]

My DD is 6-1/2 months old. Recently, within the last 2 - 3 weeks, she has started some very unpleasant sleep habits. The worst of which are her night wakings. Up until about 2 -3 weeks ago, we had gotten her into a decent - not perfect - sleep pattern (read it worked for us most nights). She would have around 3 - 4 hrs (not counting when she would go back to sleep on the car ride to day care) worth of naps during the day and then 6 -7 hours of sleep time at night. Those were solid 6 - 7 hours - like go in an check on her breathing b/c she was sleeping so well sleep. 2 - 3 weeks ago that ALL changed. She is now refusing naps most of the time. We are lucky if she can get in 2 hours of naps and then it is between 3 and 5 pm. We have not changed her night time routine, which includes bath, baby massage, brief storytime (which we sometimes exclude if she wont settle - read cries during it - for it - but we at least try every night), bottle, bed. Where my once angel of a child would lay down easily she has taken to the following: right after her bath when we are trying to put her night cloths on she screams and screams until the pjs are on. then she will take storytime (sometimes) and bottle. As soon as the bottle is gone the screaming starts again. This will go on for anywhere between 15 and 45 mins - no matter what we try. when she finally does go to sleep she will only stay down for about 2 hours at a time. She does not need to be changed. She is not hungry. She only wants to be held to go back to sleep. Then as soon as I lay her in her crib she starts screaming again. So the whole wake up process takes almost an hour each time. Some nights the only way for anyone to get any semblance of sleep is for DD to sleep with us (which I absolutely hate and end up sleeping very poorly b/c i am concerned for her safety). She does not like shush/pat and in fact will only get angrier. I am at my wit's end. Does anyone have any suggestions for: 1) how to keep her calm before bed (I keep bed time rituals very calm and low key as well as keeping the lights very dim)? 2) how do i eliminate night wakings or at least keep them to a minimum? 3) how do i put a 6-1/2 month old to bed drowsy but awake when every time her head hits the crib she wakes up and screams and if i try to put her down drowsy she perks right back up and starts screaming? I really want my LO to get good restful sleep (and her parents too) and am at a loss. I have read about sleep regression and yes I do believe she is in full swing but I would really like any suggestions on how to make it easier on everyone and in the long run (so we can get her back on schedule as quickly as possible). Please see below for her typical day:

4:30 - mom wakes up
4:40 - dream feed if LO is still asleep or feed if she wakes up (we try to get her back to sleep if she wakes up. this is a 50/50 - some days she wont wake up at all; some days she wakes up and goes back to sleep; some days she wakes up and stays awake until we are in the car on the way to daycare)
4:45 - daddy gets ready
5:00 - mom in shower (daddy watching LO)
5:30 - LO gets a diaper change and nose cleaning (has had RSV and multiple respiratory problems so nose cleaning HAS to occur); inhaler if needed
5:45 - in car seat and leaving for daycare
6:00 - arrive at daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays; arrive at grandma's on Mon, Wed, and Fri.
6:15 - mom and dad to work
6:30 - starts her day. at this time she does not have "set" nap times. I have asked for no more than two 2 hours naps during the day and that they do not start after 4 PM. (in fact i would prefer they be over by 4 pm). She is on an amended EASY schedule during the day. She has reflux so her day is more along the lines of A, E, S since we have to wait 30 - 45 mins for her food to settle. The reflux is starting to abate so I am slowly trying to change to E, A, S but she still really views bottle as time to go to sleep during the day.
5:45 - mom and dad pick up LO from daycare or grandma's (most nights LO catches a catnap on the way home)
6:30 - home
6:45 - mom and dad have dinner
7:00 - bottle
7:30 - playtime with mom and dad
8:30 - bedtime routine starts - bath
8:45 - baby massage/pjs (the screaming starts)
9:00 - storytime if LO will settle (not cry)
9:15 - bottle
9:30 - the screaming starts (new)
9:45 - sometimes sleeping (she absolutely will not go down before 9:45 no matter what i do. I have tried several times to move the routine back by 5 mins at a time before the night wakings started and she will not go to sleep)
10:00 - sleeping
11:30 - wake up
12:30 - settled and back in crib
2:00 - wake up
2:45 - settled and back in crib
3:15 - wake up (I occasionally give bottle now if she wont settle any other way. if i give a bottle now she will not get one @ 4:40)
4:00 - settled - usually in bed with mom and dad.
4:30 - day starts again.

Please help!!! Thank you.

[amayzie]

Hi Hon! Sorry we missed this one- how are things going for you now?

[heather8844]

Last night was actually horrible.

DD fought going to sleep like a pro boxer. every time her sweet little head hit her crib she screamed and mooned the monitor with her sleep sack clad butt. after 3 hours of this I finally gave in and brought her into the bedroom with my husband and i and she still woke up every 45 - 60 mins with general fussiness. she did want a bottle @ 1 am (which she has not needed since she was about 2 months old so i'm sure some sort of growth spurt is going on). today i am at work and honestly i dont even know if my shirt is on right side out yet. i am at my wit's end when it comes to her sleep. thinking my post may need to move into a more general forum because when i asked her grandma (who takes care of her 3 days a week) about nap times (which i do every day) she finally admitted that she is having problems with nap time. LO does not go to sleep without a fight and when i dug a little more with grandma I found out that she tries the pack and play and when DD fusses even once picks her up and holds her during nap time. GRRRRRR!!!! I have repeatedly asked that this not occur b/c that is now how she is wanting to sleep all the time. DH and I are having trouble at night trying to put her down for bed - she will scream the instant bathtime is over and it is time for her to go to bed. she will not go to sleep on her own no matter how hard we try to help her. I keep hearing let her CIO. Not an option for me. I cant just listen to my child cry and not do anything about it. I tried the Ferber method twice. once when she was about 4 months old and the other as late as last weekend. Yeah... that went over like a ton of bricks. I could only handle it for 30 mins. DD basically started going into hysterics. Needless to say that will not be happening again. EVER. she does not even respond well to shush/pat or PU/PD.

Any suggestions would be most appreciated!!!!

[tamlev]

Hi,

I am not a pro since I am a new mother too (almost 9 months now), but I do have some suggestions that might help.
The first is- your LO's day is much too long. She should be going to sleep at around 19:00 if not earlier since she wakes at 5 AM or earlier.
You mentioned the bedtime routine starts at 20:30. This is much to late! I understand that you all come home late from work but that is the time to put your LO to sleep. Your playtime at 19:30 is late and she is overtired since she is not getting good naps either.
It is hard since you want the playtime too, but you can enjoy the time with her in the bath and while reading a story.
I suggest that today or tomorrow you start the bedtime routine at 18:30/18:45 when you come home. It might take a couple of days to get used to (for your LO too), but she needs about 12 hours of sleep during the night at this age. If she doesn't take a catnap then early bed time is even more important.
Your LO has lots of stimulation during the day (several car rides, GM, day care etc.), Having MORE playtime at 19:30 is just too much.

Second suggestion- you mentioned yourself that you were upset when you found out that GM was holding baby during nap. This can NOT happen. You must make sure that all caretakers of your baby are aware of your rules and habits, this will make life easier for all of you.
The reason for having a regular routine is because your baby needs to know what to expect, what is coming next. That is why we all do the same bedtime routine every night. So... all caretakers must put baby to sleep the same way, so baby is not mixed up!!

Hope I helped.
I wish you a lot of luck and good sleep 
Tell me how it goes, I'm happy to help some more.

Tammy

[heather8844]

Ohhhh you soooo read my mind about getting everyone on the same page. This Sunday both my family and my husband's family will be together so I am re-setting the ground rules - especially when it comes to nap time. I walked in yesterday afternoon @ 17:45 with GM holding her asleep. When i asked why the nap was so later she "I can't force to take a nap" and "I cant get her to sleep in her pack and play".... 

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

This is one tired mommy who has heard those excuses for the last time - esp after last night!!!

The past few nights I have been moving bedtime routine earlier. Yes I hate not being able to spend playtime with my DD but she and mommy need their rest. Last night it started @ 19:45. Had her in the crib asleep by 18:30 (it's a start). She woke up @ 22:30 and cried and fussed for 2 FREAKING hours until 00:30. Finally went down for 45 mins!!!! Then woke up @ 01:15 and fussed until i finally had to shush pat. that started @ 02:00. it took another 45 mins before she finally fell asleep until 05:30 when we had to start our day.

Mommy is on a warpath when it comes to her sleep. Everyone will either get on board or get kicked off the boat!!!!

And I am trying to find a job closer to home so her (and my) days aren't so long. It sucks b/c I really love my job but a 3 -4 commute everyday is killing me and DH (we work for the same company).

[tamlev]

Hello again...

OK..... let's start from the top. You indeed have a lot of issues going on here and after reading your posts several times I would like to make the following suggestions for you to strongly consider:

1. When there are several things going on simultaneously, you need to prioritize in order to see what needs to be dealt with first, second, etc.

2. You mentioned:

2 - 3 weeks ago that ALL changed.

Ask your self what happened 2-3 weeks ago that may have started these issues? Have you recently gone back to work? New people/caretakers in your LO's life? Sickness of your LO or someone in the family? Family issues? Move apartments? This is part of being a PC parent. C for Conscious. Being aware of what is going around your LO.

3. Letting off steam is very important. Doing that HERE is great since you don't want to take it out on your LO/DH/GM/GP etc. You should be very careful with this since you are very tired and

At your wits end

. You don't want to hurt the people close to you especially the ones who are volunteering at helping out (GM/GP...). I suggest you think out (with DH) what exactly you want to tell both your families on Sunday, and more importantly- HOW you will say it. They are your family and they want to help but they are not obligated to.

4. You might want to consider taking a couple of days off work so YOU can be with your DD and RESET your EASY routine since it sounds like she currently has no routine at all. If you take a couple of days off (or even just a Monday, so that you have Saturday through Monday- 3 days), you will have control over the schedule and you will be able to set the routine back to EASY and that will help your LO. She will have consistency throughout several days (3-6 days if possible) and that may extremely help you both. That brings me to the next suggestion...

5. Consistency is very important with babies and toddlers. It makes them feel safe and in the right place. When things are unexpected for baby they act on it, can get anxious and things get messy.

arrive at daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays; arrive at grandma's on Mon, Wed, and Fri

. and you and DH are with LO on weekends. This schedule seems like a lot. How about considering putting your LO in day care the whole week? Mon through Fri. That seems more consistent and baby will know what to expect. In addition, there is the added benefit that your LO will NOT be held during nap time since I doubt they will actually do that (especially if there are more babies at day care).
I don't know what your reasons are for splitting the care for your baby during the week (and you are not the only one who does this), but maybe this is to much for all of you, GM too. Keep in mind that GM is not young anymore and it is not easy to hold a 6.5 month old for a whole nap. She must do this since she feels this is her last option. BTW,

I walked in yesterday afternoon @ 17:45 with GM holding her asleep. When i asked why the nap was so later she "I can't force to take a nap" and "I cant get her to sleep in her pack and play".... 

. No surprise your LO is napping past 16:00 since she goes to sleep too late, she can't hold off from 16:00 till 21:00 or later. I don't want my LO napping later the 16:15/16:30 since bedtime is between 19:00-19:30. that way she is just the "right amount of tired" for bedtime (more about this in point 7).

6. You mentioned breathing and reflux issues but you didn't specify what your LO eats, when and how much (Nurse/formula/solids). It is suggested to start solids at 6 months. Have you? is your LO getting enough food?

7. Regarding the EASY routine in general: the BW mentions in the sleep chapter that bedtime for children up to the age of 5 (!!!) should be between 19:00 to 19:30. You are way later then this... Remember that babies NEED their sleep, just as much as they need food and love.
Around 9 months the A time should extend to 3 hours and you should have 2 naps of about 1.5 hours each (no catnap anymore). The older they get the more active they are and they need to be the "right amount of tired" before they go to sleep. Between 6-9 months I gradually lengthened the A time of my DD by 15 min. every couple of days and now we are at 3 hours just before 9 months and it's great. She naps twice a day very well. If you want to try to get back to the EASY routine (or any routine you had in the past), you should seriously consider my 4th point (above...). Resetting can work but it takes time, patience and consistency.

8.

And I am trying to find a job closer to home so her (and my) days aren't so long.

When we become parents, one of the hardest thing we need to do is reassess our priorities. I think it is indeed a good idea for you to work closer to home. Waking baby at 5:00 is very early since then she needs to go to bed at 17:00 or 18:00 (which currently is impossible since you are not yet home...). Why are you feeding her at 4:40? this is the middle of the night and at this age babies don't need to eat during the night.

I really hope I helped and if I came off a bit strong it's only because I really feel for you and want you to get some sleep and have a fun and relaxed family.

All the best,
Tammy
 

[tamlev]

Hi Heather,

I wanted to check in and see if things got any better. I haven't heard from you since I last answered you on April 17th so just wanted to make sure you're ok...

Tammy