Starting all over again with EASY and need help!

[DrDLR]

Need some help please with my 10 month old spirited son.

I've always struggled with keeping my son on EASY.  My son went from struggling to breast feed to colic to teething from 3 months (as the teeth started to move in his gums) to terrible bouts of teething (actually coming through).

Although for the majority of time his routine was relatively consistent working from his cues and i would respond to him. 

I started full time work beginning February and within the first week knew i needed to go part time as i felt i missed out on him so much and the day away from home was just too long for him in my view although he loved it.  2 weeks ago i started working mornings only and was with my son in the afternoons.  Since then he:
- he's teething again;
- waking early mornings (between 5am- 6:30am) but won't go back to sleep although he's still yawning away;
- he's extremely clingy.  I can't even turn my back to do something and his on my legs to be picked up which means nothing gets done;
- he's sleep pattern during the day is non existent.  He used to sleep for a couple of hours late morning then have a shorter sleep between 2-3:30pm and then go to bed around 7pm.  Now getting him to sleep during the day is a battle to say the least, some afternoons he's so tired but we go on for over an hour with him standing up in his cot and me putting him down and shh/pat etc.
- he's started with temper tantrums which he never had before.  Getting is diaper or clothes changed is a nightmare.

He's usually such a happy baby and would only moan if he needs something.

His current routine is:
5-6:30am wake up (try to get him back to sleep until 6:30 when i need to get ready for work)
6:30am bottle (usually only has about half of it and will come back for more in about an hour)
7am change diaper if i haven't done it earlier and change into his day clothes
8am depending on when he wakes up, goes to sleep in the car on the way to nursery
9am breakfast cereal at nursery
9:30am - 11:30am milk and sleep for 35 minutes to 1 hour and 30 minutes
10:30am snack at nursery
11:45am lunch
1pm pick up from nursery - sleep in car if he didn't sleep in the morning (like today)
2pm snack at home
3pm milk and signs of needing to sleep but rarely now actually falls asleep
4:30-5pm dinner
5-6pm bath time and a little play time
6pm - 7pm bottle and sleep

He falls asleep on my lap most of the time.  This is the one time that i can just really cuddle with him and really appreciate him.  The downside is he can't get himself to sleep in his cot.

He seems to be tired a lot of the time.

I clearly need step by step instruction

Please help...my husband and i are exhausted!

[creations]

Hi there.
How long does he sleep in the car on the journey to and from nursery?  It looks like it could be an hour but perhaps not?

The thing is it's likely to be almost impossible to keep him awake for that journey esp as he he is getting several CNs in the day rather than 1 long nap and a CN. So I would look at trying to incorporate the car nap into his routine. If you're able to get him waking much later in the morning he *might* stay awake for the morning journey, then have a long nap at nursery and do a CN at home in the afternoon, but this seems quite tricky at this point (IMHO).  It looks easier to me to expect the morning car nap, then count a full A time from arrival at nursery, a later and longer nap there possibly just waking in time for you to collect him, then a CN later on.
So the day might look something like this
WU 5 - 6.30
S car CN 8 - 9am - 30 min? 60 min? (I don't know how long the journey is or for how long he sleeps)
A 9.00 - 11.30 (2.5hr this is a bit short IMO but the A time is significantly longer than they are giving at present)
S 11.30 - 1.00 (1.5hr there's more chance he will nap better with the longer A time)
1.00 pick up - should stay awake for journey - if not then it's not so bad as it is like a longer nap that is broken by pick up.
A 1.00/1.30 - 4.30 (3 - 3.5hr)
S 4.30 - 5.00 20 min CN (AP on you if you like)
A 5.00 - 7.30/8.00 (2.5 - 3hr)
BT 7.30/8.00

The A times I've listed there are quite varying because of your drop off and pick up times, it's also quite hard to know what A will suit your LO, at this age it is quite variable from one LO to another (guidance time 3 - 4 hrs).

My initial thought was you needed to get him into bed much earlier, OT can cause EW which it looks like you have a bit of there, however on second thoughts if you can get that evening CN in and do a later BT for a day or a few days his morning WU could move later and he might then stop napping in the car on the way to nursery. In my mind that's the ideal really, if you can get him up as late as possible before you leave the house (just allow for bottle and quick clothes/nappy change) then he can begin a full A time from morning WU. This would make the nap at nursery a bit easier I think. So you might then see a day like this
WU 7.00
A 3 - 3.5
S 10/10.30 - 12.00/12.30 (1.5 to 2hrs)
A 3.5
S CN 3.30/4.00 (30 min)
A 3 hr ish
BT 7.00/7.30

It's something you can think about and plan before implementing, getting nursery on side with the A time will be vital though, as that morning nap must move later for the plan to work to move BT and morning WU whilst also tackling some of that OT that's built up with a later CN.  Will nursery help him to resettle if the nap is short or do they just get him up whenever he wakes?

What do you think?

[DrDLR]

Wow, thanks so much for your details reply.  I appreciate it greatly.

Your second schedule sounds brilliant and would fit our lives perfectly.  The issue is how I actually DO it and put it in place.

Since my previous post my son got 3 new teeth and a terrible cold which has now completely thrown out our night routine.  so,
1.  If he has a sleep in the afternoon he struggles to go to sleep for 7pm.  He will often struggle with him until 9pm.  However, I've been putting him in his cot at 7pm with his cot mobile on playing classical music which he loves.  We're not at the stage where I can leave the room yet before he is just about to drift off.
2. If he doesn't sleep in the afternoon by 4pm he's so tired and miserable but he falls asleep after our dinner and bath routine around 6pm with his bottle on my lap.  I then place him in his cot to sleep.   This is what I've done for most of the past year and it's worked ok until now.

For the past 3 days my husband and I have had hardly 4-5 hours sleep a night.  We're so exhausted.  For the past 2 nights I gave him some milk when he wouldn't settle.  Last night at 3am - 4am I tried water and everything else and he went into a complete rage which he's never done before for milk and guzzled the whole 210ml.  I then placed him back in his cot (he has a cushion in his cot under his bedding to raise to top half of his body) and after some struggle he finally went to sleep.  An hour later 5am he woke up again, my husband picked him up and he was sick all over himself and my husband.  Of course after that he wanted to play.  The night before we had a similar issue but we were so tired we let him sleep with us in bed.  However, 1/2 an hour after having his milk he was sick and we had to wash him down, and strip everything off the bed, him, us and start over.  I've no idea what is going on here...

Some of your questions answeredRegarding getting him up in the morning.  He always wakes up naturally between 5am - 6:30am.  Also, the nursery and I have always let him sleep and we don't tend to wake him unless I pick him up when he's asleep.  He's natural pattern seems to be to fall asleep between 10:15-10:45 for at least 40 minutes.

He's now stopped sleeping in the car in the morning and only sleep the 1/2 hour car journey back if he hasn't slept at nursery in the morning.

I've tried for a couple of days to have him sleep in the afternoon and then get him down to bed later so he can get up later in the morning but it was very inconsistent from my part as I made a big change to his sleep pattern by moving things on over an hour for example instead of dinner at 4:30pm it moved to 6pm and so on.  Regardless of my efforts to get him to bed at 7:30pm still it just wasn't happening and he still woke up at 5am    So, I stopped trying and went in search of help...here 

Ok, so I want to put your suggested schedule in place i.e.
WU 7.00
A 3 - 3.5
S 10/10.30 - 12.00/12.30 (1.5 to 2hrs)
A 3.5
S CN 3.30/4.00 (30 min)
A 3 hr ish
BT 7.00/7.30

Could you help with the following questions also:
1.  How do I actually go about establishing this and how long would it take for me to see results?
2.  Starting with WU 7am.  At the moment when he wakes up at 5am I would try and get him back to sleep.  If that fails and he thinks its A do I still leave him in his cot until 7am while staying with him in his room trying to get him to sleep or would this occur naturally when the rest of the schedule is in place?
3.  He's naturally ready to sleep around 10:15-10:45am and the nursery would be find to help with this.  Do I wait for him to give ques that he's tired and wants to sleep or do I start trying to get him to sleep at 10:30am regardless?
4.  Once he's slept for 1.5hrs do I wake him up or allow him to wake naturally?  If I wake him up what is the best way of doing this - he doesn't take well to being woken up.
5.  Again for the cat nap.  Do I stick to that strict time or see if he's ready to fall asleep?
6.  Again, do I wake him up after 30 minutes or leave him to sleep?
7.  Then - waking during the night.  What is the best way of stopping him from waking during the night?
8.  Also - he's very clingy at the moment and the nursery told me yesterday he's started to respond to the door being opened or if someone heads to the door by becoming upset.  He also will not let me leave the room and goes into melt down.  I realise he's at the age of seperation anxiety but how do I help him through this?

Sorry for the massive essay - I really need to get this right.

[creations]

Hi there. Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time at the moment, sounds like you must all be pretty tired by now.

The recent night waking, sounds to me like he might be poorly, possibly a virus, it would fit with what the nursery are reporting about him becoming upset and the separation anxiety too. So I wouldn't suggest any big changes to routine just now but instead get through this time in whatever way you can and comfort him through any possible illmess. With separation anxiety really all you can do is try to spend as much time as possible with him to reassure him of your bond. With the vomiting though, I would take him to the doctor for a check.

TBH the routine I suggested is unlikely to be relevant now as a full month has passed since that post.  A lot can change for a LO in a month. If he is no longer sleeping on the way to nursery then his A time has already substantially lengthened.  If he is awake from 5am - 6.30am and not ready to nap until 10.45am then his A is more like 4 to 5hrs+ which is long for his age but not totally unheard of.  Some LOs drop to 1 nap earlier than others.

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Yep - my dd1 was firmly on 1 nap at 11 months and dd2 well on her way at almost 8 months