tea time/supper issues

[*Becky*]

M has not eaten an evening meal for going on 2 weeks now...
whatever it is she won't eat it. I am letting her have fruit but nothing else but it's getting old. Tonight she has been crying for food but I have stuck to the fruit only apart form one night when had a plain oatcake.
Any ideas?

[zeri]

Hmm.
Was she previously a good or at least decent eater? Has her routine changed at all? Do you think maybe she is just not hungry, or too tired? I know my DS - who is usually a passable eater - will not eat anything if he is too tired, but then he wants something when he is getting ready for bed. He also won't eat if he has to use the bathroom.
Or do you think it is a power struggle for her?

[creations]

What food is she crying for Becky?

[*Becky*]

she has always been a great eater. Don't think it is tired, not sure what it is.

she just wants to snack rather than have tea  - not bad food necessarily but oatcakes, fruit etc. I gave in tonight and gave her some oatcakes as was too irritating having her going on.

H has a proper snack when he comes home from school as he is tired but he will also still eat his tea...maybe the snack is messing things up? Not sure as it seems to be every night regardless.

[jessmum46]

Does she eat her main meal at lunch Becky?  Or is tea time usually the main one?  We tend to have main meal at lunchtime as I find J will eat much better then, often by tea time she's a bit tired and fed up so tends to have more of a light meal/'picnic' eg sandwiches, crackers, cheese, fruit etc.  I figure if she's eaten one decent meal (plus breakfast) then I really don't mind.

[creations]

Oh I see. I was a bit confused looked like she was crying for food at dinner time but you said she wasn't eating dinner so I couldn't work out what she was crying for - so it's a snack she's after and that is in the afternoon some time before dinner which she then doesn't eat. Yes?

Could it be that she is very hungry mid afternoon and needs her dinner much earlier?  We ended up with 4.30pm evening meal which is hardly an 'evening' meal, more like afternoon. These days it's 4.30 to 4.45 by 5 it's getting too late for him and he's likely to tired to eat properly.
If it is the time maybe you could save some evening meal for the next day and give her that earlier than everyone else (or as a snack instead of fruit so you know she's getting a variety of food?)?

[*Becky*]

she has her main meal at tea with Henry. I could give hers at lunch, just a bit of a pain as h always has a hot meal at tea time which is usually 4.45pm.

[michaeljacknnugg]

Afternoon snack messed us up for years, might be worth considering tinkering with what/if you serve.

[clazzat]

X did this for about a month a little while back - refused to eat tea completely, regardless of what it was. Like so many things it was a phase that passed - I basically ignored it, allowed him to have his yoghurt even if he hadn't eaten anything else and we are now back to normal. I would ride it out for a little while longer before you change anything just in case it is the same sort of thing.

[*Becky*]

that's useful to know Clare...she has always been such a good eater. In an ideal world i would stop the snack at 3.30pm but H needs his so think I will just modify what I give and see if it helps. Thanks!

[clazzat]

X has always been a good eater too - maybe it's to do with getting to an age when they want to make a point about being in control of some things?

[Peek-a-boo]

It's really normal for their appetite to drop at some point in toddler hood.  I would try to have zero stress about this. 

Offer snacks and meals at routine times with a reasonable range of food options.  I would let her decide among those options without comment or worry and not offer any alternatives.  If she fusses for food between meals, I would stay matter-of-fact and remind her when the next meal/snack time will be. 

It helps me to think of snack as "mini-meals," so I try to offer food that is as balanced as what I would offer at a meal (rather than just treat type foods).

[HenaV]

Hi Becky,

R did this a while back. Giving her a hot lunch doesn't really work for us, she won't wat as much at lunchtime and I'm not always there because of work.

I found when I stopped giving her a snack after she napped she was more than ready for her dinner. I get with H needing a snack that's a toughie. There are times when R wants a snack so I'll give her something like a few grapes, a few raisins etc and explain that's all she can have as it's nearly dinner time. She wasn't happy about it at first but soon got used to it.

As for Dinner time, if R said she didn't want it or wanted something else, the. I told her that was fine but there was nothing else / pudding etc and got her down from the table. Nine times out of ten she'd come back and ask for something else -  I'd tell her she needed to eat her dinner before she could have something else. She would come back and eat her dinner. At first as long as she'd made a decent attempt (ie not just a token couple of mouthfuls!) I'd let her have something else and she soon cottoned on. Even now on the odd day when she decides to have a funny - I don't want that I want pasta for example, I will tell her that's what there is, I'll make her pasta tommorow but if she doesn't eat her dinner that's fine but there'll be nothing else.

It worked for us, and continues to do so.

Hth x

[*Becky*]

I'm still having  real nightmare with this. Breakfast is fine, lunch is usually ok but dinner is awful. The main issue is that H is starving when he comes home and will happily have 1 or 2 snacks and still be begging for tea at 4.45pm. M can't have no snacks as it would cause a complete meltdown and does not seem fair but then won't eat tea and is a pain really....can't see a way around it?

[anna*]

Can you give healthy snacks and then just let tea go?

[clazzat]

I think that I would make the snacks as healthy as possible and not stress about dinner - if she is eating well at lunch and breakfast then she will be getting plenty of food and battling over dinner won't do either of you any good. I would probably also reassess what she is eating for breakfast and lunch to make sure that those meals are meeting her needs, but seriously I wouldn't stress dinner.

[creations]

Save some veggies and bits from dinner and give them to her the next day for snack? I usually save veggies from dinner to put in DS's packed lunch the next day and he just eats them cold, doesn't seem bothered although I'd wrinkle my nose at it.
Or cook a batch of bean cup cakes which are really healthy then they can both have the same snack but you know it's decent food for her - like pps said don't stress dinner if the rest of the day is good.

[*Becky*]

bean cup cakes?

[snowbird]

Hi Becky!

Just seeing this and you won't believe we've had similar issues with LJ this weekend. Hardly eaten a thing! I'm wondering if it's a power thing though as she's not had the power/autonomy that we always try to give her DDoesn't seem like that's the problem with M though...

Snowbird xxx

[~*Nicole*~]

Becky, how does H get home? Do you pick up? Bus? I was wondering if you could pack him or bring him his snack for on the way home so she doesn't see him eat it and then not have anything offered for her until tea time?

If not, the healthy snack seems a good option. We have a rule here, which both kids are actively resisting at the moment but we're sticking to it, that if they don't want/don't like what is on their plate they can just leave it be and it will be cleared when the meal is over. They will be served what we offer and they can choose what they eat or otherwise leave it alone and not eat it. I often adjust serving sizes to what I know each likes...more green beans for DD, less for DS. More rice for DS, less for DD. Etc. I also try to have ONE thing each likes.....and just let it be. Whatever the eat for dinner is what they eat. We have had the occasional night pang for food and I've let them have dinner leftovers, veggies, or a slice of bread. I am not making anything or giving a "snack/treat" if they are hungry after the meal I've made. It's been slowly getting better as they realize they won't always be offered their FAVORITES for dinner.

[*Becky*]

I collect H and we usually walk but m is always with me - I think the snack issue is one i just have to let go. He really needs it for blood sugar regulation etc and I can't be doing with the 50 requests for food if we don't do it lol!

Food has always been a bit of a nightmare with H, he is very sensory and v fussy and has been since weaning, it's really tiring and frustrating but I 'try' to just roll with it. He is obsessed with sweet stuff and our rule is they need to eat the majority of tea if they want something after which tbh is usually fruit and then possibly a biscuit, occasionally rice pudding or ice cream. H is so so desperate to get the pudding (and he is hungry) so usually eats but I have to think about what they have, he just would not eat a lot of what we eat. Yday DH made prawn linguine and both would not eat it, it was quite spicy to be fair.

If they dn't want tea that's fine, I just say don't discuss it, just get down and then they can always have fruit but that's about it.

Anyway, M is a good eater, she will try lots of food and has no sensory issues or obsessions! Just feels like tea is a bit of hard work.

[creations]

bean cup cakes?

If you google white bean or kidney bean or chick pea cupcakes you will find various recipes. A lot of them are the same but some are chocolate, some not, some use honey, some lots of eggs, some bananas...all v similar though.
eg
http://meetracy.com/food/white-bean-and-vanilla-cupcakes-with-coconut-whipped-cream-2/

DS and I made this last week
http://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/2013/04/flourless-chocolate-chip-chickpea-blondies-with-sea-salt-vegan-gluten-free-healthy/
I used the peavut butter option as I had it in, substituted the honey for two ripe bananas, substituted the choc chips for 1/3 cup aground almonds, subbed 1 tsp vanilla extract with almond extract.  Seriously lovely. I did them in a greased mini muffin tray and tbh they stuck a bit, I think they turn out better as a tray bake on paper or in cup cake tray where they pull away form the sides of the tin. Let them cool before removing as they are quite soft in the middle and can break - even the broken ones were tasty though! (they didn't all break but I did feel there must be an easier way to get them out of the tin).

I did a canallini bean (spelling? sorry) and choc bean recipe a few days back (basically the first link) which worked great in a cup cake tray but again had breakages from the mini muffin tray. You can also use kidney beans.

They honestly don't taste of beans and look like real cup cakes.
I think next time I'll use a small loaf tin and bake longer, less hassle to slice it.

I never frost, but do sometimes stir up some cream cheese for DS and dollop it on, he calls it cream and is easily pleased.