EASY just isn't working

[tommot82]

My 4 month old just isn't taking to EASY at all. We have been trying for 2 weeks and things just haven't got any better at all. If anything i am getting less sleep and struggling to cope. The problem is he just doesn't seem to want to sleep.

2 weeks ago we moved from cradling  him to sleep, or rocking him in his car seat to always putting him down in his cot. PU/PD doesn't work with him, he just cries and cries and cries on our shoulder if we pick him up, so we have been shh patting, or just rubbing his chest. I am worried he has negative associations with his cot/sleeping at this stage.

Daytime:
EVERY single time he goes down, it's 15-45 mins of screaming before he sleeps. and then he will sleep for 20-40 mins maximum before waking crying, and we cannot get him down a second time. We will go 45mins+ of crying before its time for his next feed. I have tried staying with him, leaving my hand on his chest, holding his hand. nothing gets us through to 45 min mark, and it is more typically 25 mins during the day

Nighttime:
After his bath, another feed, a little quiet time, this is the only sleep he will actually go down easily for.
11pm dreamfeed - doesn't wake and goes back to sleep
but he is rolling over on his face in the middle of the night and waking himself up. usually a couple of times a night.
He is also waking earlier and earlier every morning. He wakes at about 5:30 hungry and will not go back down

I am really struggling with my own lack of sleep at this stage. I feel like i am loosing my sanity

E 7am - feed for 30-40 mins usually
A 7:30 until 9
S 9am until 9:40 - 20 mins shh pat,  20-30 min sleep.
   10am until 11am - shh pat attempted, lots of crying. never sleeps

E 11am until 11:30
A 11:30 - 13:00
S 13:00 - 20 mins shh pat,  20-30 min sleep.
   14:00 until 15:00- shh pat attempted, lots of crying. never sleeps

E 15:00 until 15:30
A 15:30 until 17:00
S 17:00 until 17:45  - usually naps for 45 mins ok.

E 18:45 until 19:10
A 19:10 until 19:30 bathtime
    19:30 until 20:30 always has a monster feed here
S 20:30

E 23:00 until 23: 20 dream feed
S 23:30 - 02:00 wakes crying because he has rolled on face, shh pat for 20 mins to get back to sleep
S 02:30 - 04:00 wakes crying because he has rolled on face, shh pat for 20 mins to get back to sleep
S 04:20 - 05:45 wide awake doesnt want to sleep. usually 45 mins shh pat before we give up out of exasperation

E 7am - wait until 7am, until feed starts again


Where are we going wrong and what can we do about it? He seems tired all the time, but just wont sleep enough to make it better.

[tommot82]

just to add to this...  I keep reading that he should be getting 14-15 hours sleep a day, but he is actually only getting a maximum of 11 hours a day.

[jessmum46]

Hugs, I'm sorry you've been struggling

Can I check whether he has any signs or symptoms of reflux?  The super short naps, waking screaming, difficulties with PUPD all make me wonder if there's some sort of discomfort going on.  Usually with an age-appropriate routine you would have expected to see a lot of improvement by now, and the fact you haven't just makes me wonder....

Routine wise, what you're aiming for looks good . The only thing I would probably suggest to change would be to bring BT earlier so that you are getting him asleep for the night by 7/7.30pm.  It's a very long day otherwise and especially when the naps aren't good will be adding to the overtiredness.

Are you doing any feeds at all between the dreamfeed and morning?  It would still be very reasonable for LO to have a night feed at this age, possibly even two if you are breastfeeding.  I would feed immediately at any waking that was 4h from the last waking, and use other means to settle if he wakes sooner.

While you have a think about those things, why not take a day or two off and get as much sleep into him (and you) by whatever means to get you both caught up a bit - so go back to rocking etc if you need to - and then once you're a bit better rested you can think about moving forward again?

[tommot82]

thanks so much for the reply

I am almost certain there is no reflux or discomfort. He will happily be on his back playing it's only when he realises we are trying to shh him to sleep he starts to complain. Thanks for the advice above bringing BT earlier. We had been considering that but we were not sure.

Generally he doesn't get any more feeds after his 11pm dreamfeed. If he wakes in the night (usually because he roles onto his face and the AngelCare motion/breathing detector alarm we have goes off)... but 9/10 times he goes straight back to sleep. He is now waking at about 5:30 am and I feed him then, but it's a real struggle to get him back to sleep after that.

I might consider going back to rocking him to sleep for a bit for mu own sanity, but after 2 weeks hard work i wouldnt want to go back a step if i can help it.

The problem seems to be he just doesnt LIKE sleeping. Or he is scared of it or something. Even when he is yawning, rubbing his eyes, pulling his ears... as soon as we put hi in the cot its a full on screaming war and he doesnt want to stop even if we PU/PD. After 2 weeks of this it doesnt seem to be improving either

[jessmum46]

Do you know what personality he is?  The BW "Know Your Baby Quiz". For some babies particularly touchy/spirited ones PUPD may be too stimulating and it may be you need to concentrate on mainly shh pat or done variation of it eg stroking cheek, just resting hand on back etc and keeping up to a minimum.

Are you using swaddling/white noise/blackouts?  Do you use a paci?  Do you have a winddown routine?

(((Hugs))) it can be really hard . But I can tell you that however it feels, it's not that he hates sleeping or is trying to drive you mad.  His behaviour when you try to put him down for a nap sounds like he's overtired and just really struggling to calm down. 

Could you keep track for a day for me of what actually happens?  As in what times he wakes, when you start winddown, what time he is in the cot, what time he sleeps and for how long?  I suspect (although don't know) that you may have to shorten some A times for a bit to get him caught up e.g. start first winddown at 1h30, into cot by 1h40 aiming for asleep before you hit the 2h mark. 

Would you maybe consider (if you don't want to go back to rocking) a long drive in the car for the afternoon just as a one-off and hope he has a big catch up?

[Womble]

I'm new to all this so can only say what is working for my DS in the hope you might find some of it useful, but I've been using shh-pat and I make sure I only put him down when he is totally relaxed.  So I shhh-pat on my shoulder first, then put him down when he's chilled out (although now he actually WANTS to be put down for sleep at times so sometimes if he's fighting me I put him down and then he goes to sleep himself so it's trying to work out which is which!).  If he cries I pick up and then start again, so shh-pat until calm then put down.  Might not be quite 'by the book' but it's working for us.  It started out well then the wheels came off for a few days and then it started getting better again.

I started doing shh-pat until he was pretty much asleep on my shoulder, then until he was deeply asleep in the cot so continuing to pat for a good 20mins, then gradually shortened how long I patted for.  I've only been doing it for a couple of weeks so things aren't perfect (he was OT the other day and refused sleep and screamed for 45mins until he crashed out) but we are having more and more sleeps where he goes down and is asleep inside 20mins.

What I have worked out is if he is really OT then no amount of shh-pat will work and I just have to get him to sleep however I can just so he gets some rest.  For us this usually means a long pram walk, or rocking to sleep or giving him my finger to suck (he won't have a paci).  We had the same thing, screaming war no matter how tired he was - it's basically frustration as he wants so desperately to sleep but can't calm himself or work out how to GO to sleep!  Think the record one evening was an hour and a half to get him to sleep 

BT seems a bit late, we have changed our BT to have it no later than 7.30pm and we start winding down quite early - bath/massage/bottle/bed and starts around 30-45mins before BT.

As Jessmum46 mentions white noise can help - I downloaded the 'rain' track from the happiest baby on the block CD, then used Audacity to turn it into a 14hour long track so it doesn't stop - we used to use Ewan the sheep but he only goes for 20mins then turns off which could sometimes cause DS to wake so now white noise is on all night and for all naps.  Definitely helps shut out noises from outside.  We also have blackout blinds and I tell him 'it's sleepytime now' every time which sets him up that we're going to have a nap/go to bed.

Oh and what has also helped me is coming on here and reading just how many people have the same issues at this age!  So I don't feel so alone (although not always a consolation when you have a screaming LO...!)