Step backwards in sleeping independently

[Tinkerbell1403]

Evening all,

So I cracked EASY routine with my 14 week old daughter and she has been sleeping like a dream for past couple of weeks. However the last 3/4 days we have had a horrendous time getting her to sleep independently! We watch carefully for her cues (yawning, rubbing eyes) and have been taking her upstairs to her cot. As soon as we lay her down she starts crying. We have tried pick up put down and that just seems to make it worse! She will just fall asleep with shhh pat and then is wide awake as soon as we put her down again!

Anyone offer any advice?

[jessmum46]

Could you post her EASY?  She may be due a little increase in A times.

Any teething?

[Tinkerbell1403]

Could you post her EASY?  She may be due a little increase in A times.

Any teething?

Well I thought it could be teething as she constantly sucks her hands or her Sophie giraffe.

I hope I have written out her routine ok but this was today's

6.15 Awake and Eat
6.45 - 8.45 Sleep
9.20- 9.35 Eat (varies depending on feed length)
9.35 - 10.50 Activity
10.50 - 12.15 Sleep
12.30 - 12.50 Eat
12.50 - 2.00 activity
2.00 - 3.30 sleep
3.30 - 3.50 Eat
3.50 - 4.30 Activity
4.30 - 5.30 sleep
5.55 - 6.10 Eat
6.10 - 6.40 activity
6.40 - 7.00 Bath
7.00 - 7.40 Sleep
7.45 - 7.55 Eat
7.55 - 9.00 awake (laying in cot quite happily but just won't go to sleep!!)
9.00 - 6.00 sleep

We don't use the dream feed as we have found it disturbs her sleep and we have found that without it she sleeps through longer

It seems a bit all over the place today and some days I'm struggling to get her to 3 hours. I really thought it was gong so well but after writing this out today I feel like I've lost it!!

[Tinkerbell1403]

And now the last two nights she's been up at 3am for another feed! And another day of 45 min naps today! Where am I going wrong? It was all going so well 

[jessmum46]

You're not necessarily doing anything wrong at all

The 3-4 month window is a time of big change for babies because their sleep stops being like a sleepy newborn and starts taking on a more mature sleep cycle pattern.  It is often a time when apparently independent sleepers appear to regress (you may have heard of the four month sleep regression), and short naps are very common as LO needs to learn to transition between sleep cycles without fully waking.  There is also a big growth spurt at four months or thereabouts and it is normal for a LO to start waking for an extra feed when previously they didn't need one, or to fuss more for feeds in the day.

Often newborns will just drift off to sleep on their own.  That doesn't seem to be quite the same thing as true independent sleep from what I've seen and read here, it's more like they just 'pass out'.  But when they notice there is a world around them they start needing a bit more help and guidance towards switching off and falling asleep alone.  Do you have a winddown routine?  Do you use a paci/swaddle/blackouts?

With the EASY you posted I'm not quite sure when you really started your day?  Her first A time 6.15-6.45 is so short I think probably that's really a night waking, and her real day seemed to start at 8.45am.  At her age you'd expect a typical A time somewhere in the range 1h30-45ish (Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!!).  Hers are a bit variable between 1h and 2h but that can happen.  It may be that the long first A time tired her out quite a lot so she could only handle short A times as the day went on.

I would maybe try shh pat in the crib rather than your arms so you don't have the jolt as you lay her down, or maybe start out shh pat in your arms until calm/drowsy but put down before she is properly asleep and finish off in the crib.  For the 45 min wakeups you can just leave her if she's happy - she may drift off again after a while without your help. Or you can try resettling with shh pat if she's upset, or getting in there from around 37 mins on and gently pat her through the sleep cycle transition as soon as you see her stirring.

What do you think?

[Tinkerbell1403]

Thanks Jessmum46 for your wise words. They certainly help clarify things for me.

Sorry i must have missed off the start of her day. She was awake at 4.15 and then fed at 4.30am until 4.45am then she generally falls straight back to sleep until 6.30ish.

I just feel like it changes everyday and I can sort of predict her feeds and sleep. Today has gone horrendously wrong! But tomorrow is another day and I will try the shhh pat laying down.

How does E.A.S.Y change if she does wake after 45 mins? Do I leave her to play if she is happy or should I feed her straight away?

Sorry for sounding like a complete idiot but I'm struggling to get to grips with it all. I'm worrying because I'm back to work in 2 months and would love to have this cracked so that her grandparents can keep it up whilst looking after her

[jessmum46]

Hugs for the tough day.

If she wakes happy after 45 mins I'd leave her playing until next feed time.  At least it's rest if she's in her bed, and she may just doze off again.  If she's not content to be left and won't easily resettle (I only ever tried for a maximum of 15-20 mins, drove me potty otherwise!) then get her up for a bit of A time before her feed is due.  You may need to bring her next nap forwards and have more naps in the day if they are all short.  You'll probably end up with an EASAEAS pattern but that's pretty typical around this age. 

You're certainly not an idiot though!  It's not straightforward, none of the babies read what they're 'meant' to be doing.  I would say (this is in hindsight, I was mega-stressed before DD went to daycare) that I wouldn't worry now about what's going to happen in two months with her grandparents.  She will have changed, her routine will have changed, and if the grandparents are like any other grandparents I know they will do their own thing with her!  It's hard and frustrating when you've worked hard to maintain a routine that suits you, but LOs do seem to find their own rhythm with different caregivers.  We found DD barely napped at daycare, but would take mega-long catch up naps at home to compensate so there were some hidden bonuses

[Tinkerbell1403]

Yes you are absolutely right and I know the grandparents will establish their own routines with her.

I have been leaving her when she wakes as she appears to wake up happy most of the time and then feed when she's due. I'll keep in mind the EASAEAS pattern and see if that works.

Thank you again for your kind words. I'm sure I'm stressing myself out unnecessarily. I just feel I've lost control of it the past few days and need to get back on track.

[jessmum46]

You're doing a great job mama . Stressing out and worrying is part of what it's all about and why most of us found our way here in the first place.  Keep posting for support on the tough days and celebrate the good ones!