Sleep and EASY support for twins and multiples

[Uglybethy]

Kayra tbh it's hazy! I think it was somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks that I started to 'take charge' of it all so to speak. Up until that point I'd done a varied EAS pattern, a bit like what you are doing where sometimes it was three hours sometimes four and I'd pray for five or six at night (but knew I was supposed to be doing three hourly so felt very guilty about that).
At this point I'd imagine you are learning the different cries and sleep cues and feel very frightened to miss a sleep cue for fear or over tiring them or to miss-judge a cry for fear of them losing trust in you. And on top of that you are trying to be 'relaxed' about breast feeding so the milk just 'flows' but you're so tense about them feeding for too long or too short a time that you're not sure if they are feeding from you well at all (well that is how it was for me anyway!) and all you want to do is breast feed them but you don't want to create a 'prop' by letting them fall asleep at the breast.... God and I could go on. It's a whirlwind of emotional pulls where you don't know what to do for the best!
Given everything you've got to juggle I really like your idea of keeping an eye on the time for feeding but allowing some variation in their sleep pattern (within that) and I'd imagine that over time their sleep will even out. Just to add a sleep safety net in there for you though, be sure to put them down early enough to allow for a 1.5 hr nap (even of you haven't seen sleep cues yet) because when I started this process I soon realised what Tracy was getting at when she said that 45 mins was not a restorative nap but 1.5 hrs was. And one bonus about that which Tracy doesn't really mention is that it's nice when your babies are able to be in their cribs (or wherever you nap them now, but cribs eventually) a little undertired and not find that distressing because it's a god send for me now that I can put my girls down for bed up to half an hour before they are really tired and they are content in their cribs until they feel tired enough to sleep.
This has turned into quite a long post and if I go on much longer you won't have time to read it so I will stop there for now!

Oh but one more thing regarding when the 2/3am feed will go... With mine it was around 12 weeks I think and it became the dreaded 4.30/5 am feed which is too early to start the day but they are too hungry to go back to sleep.... But don't worry when you get there we can help you out with that ok so for a while I was doing dream feed cluster feed and night feeds... It was insane but it doesn't last long!

Sending you hugs while you're figuring out the best way forward for you all....

[kayra]

thanks Beth, only now getting a chance to post since it's been a crazy day! Nap mutiny x2!!!
to be honest I'm pretty relaxed on the breastfeeding front, they suck some, get formula, I pump if I can and they get that too, I'm not stressing. It's only stressful when they don't latch properly or keep bobbing off etc.
today was frustrating when they wouldn't nap, i commented to my mum that i'm only coping with such a scenario because they are there and b/c I'd had a decent stretch of sleep, had I been planning to nap during their nap I'd have been super-frustrated!!
we generally start to settle them after an hour or so, sometimes they go down a treat sometimes they just dont, no idea why. but yes 45 min naps are almost pointless but better than nothing
right now just a 4/5 feed without the 2/3 one sounds great and i feel that in a sense thats my first goal. but i probably need to wait a couple of weeks before i take charge in that sense and when i do it'll basically be making sure they're on 3 hrs, cluster feeding and df'ing and praying it works

[4isstillnighttime]

Hi everyone sorry I've been a bit AWOL....work is busier than I thought it would be!

I am afraid I can't really comment on early sleep training as I didn't do anything til 4 months and only heard of BW when they were about 8 months. My personal opinion is that you have to survive, and I was v slow to ST because I found it more stressful than the sleep deprivation IYSWIM.

Laura, what's going on with the boys? I've read your other thread.....poor you! Do you think it is their little tummies? Could you try giving them a really bland supper - mashed potato or something? I'm guessing you have already tried that. When are you back to work?

Kayra and nat......hugs and solidarity. It gets better!

Beth - how are the girls? Any further work on the transition?!?

Oh, my least favourite twin comment is "double trouble". What does that even mean?!?! And people who ask if I had IVF - why do they even care? And when I say "no, we had sex" they get all offended!!! Idiots!!

[babybarr]

And when I say "no, we had sex" they get all offended!!! Idiots!!

Oooh I'm going to start saying that!!!

It's the constant staring as well which gets slightly annoying.  When they were tiny I quite liked that people wanted to stop me and comment but after a while it's tiring! I've decided now to just tell people who think they're identical that they are...it's quicker!

[Nat4584]

Hi all. Takes me a while to reply 😁 something I'm sure you can all empathize with!

In answer to questions:
Fraternal boys (Oliver and Jack 😍)
I've tried tandem feeding a couple of times, reasonably successful if I have someone with me to help burping and propping if one falls off but I've struggled alone to manage. Any tips?? My boys have quite shallow latches as well which does help..(if anyone can tell me how to make them open their little mouths wider I'm all ears!!)
Currently feeding separately and trying to stagger them by 30 mins or so but honestly, they completely have their own agenda so I'm just demand feeding each of them really - definitely not sustainable!

I'll check out videos on proper swaddling and will put In to action..

Thanks for advise on swings/bouncers - I'll definitely start doing this with Jack (faster eater)

Any other tips/tricks/guidance on getting these boys into a routine that's achievable are greatly greatly appreciated!

Thanks. X

[4isstillnighttime]

Routine I can't help with....but feeding yes!!!!

Z had a shallow latch (ouch!!) and I used to either do a "nipple sandwich" and squash it between my fingers so she could get more in, or a "nipple flipple"....hold nipple between thumb on top and index finger underneath. When baby opens aim nipple to top of his mouth and use your forefinger to gently push his chin down to help him open a bit wider. Then let go with thumb and let the nipple flip into his mouth. Really hard to describe but really, really works!

Tandem feeding tough on your own at that age. I used to do it sitting on the floor with lots of cushions so they didn't have far to fall. Latch better feeder first then you can mess around with bad feeder as much as you like. I used to put them into bouncers afterwards then burp one at a time, the colicky one first! But it got much easier as they got bigger.

I had 2 baby bjorn bouncers and they were brilliant - one in bouncer while other feeding etc. Easy to bounce with a foot, wash easily, etc. When I was on my own in the early days I would feed burp bounce to sleep then repeat with other twin, etc, etc. I demand fed until about 12 weeks I think....It was tough but my supply was always awesome, I never had to pump and my babies grew brilliantly. So it does have advantages!

Can't help with swaddling....it was so hot when the girls were born I was terrified they would overheat, then when it wasn't they went mental when I tried it, so no use there either! But feeding, bouncy chairs and moral support I can do!! 

[4isstillnighttime]

Nat, look at "flipple" on YouTube and there are a couple of videos.

[babybarr]

My big boy is Oliver

[Nat4584]

Thanks ladies! You're a huge support already! YouTube flipple on to do list first thing tomorrow! X

[kayra]

And when I say "no, we had sex" they get all offended!!! Idiots!!

haha thats hilarious! like you said re IVF, why do they care, why does it matter??

once again i want to bow low in respect to you guys who've been doing so much of this alone! I get all pathetic after a hard day and thats with support!!

although DS is bigger in size he's lazier about opening his mouth, i might look up that flipple too, what a funny word

Laura, havent been following your other thread, eating problems i gather, sorry

Nat i sometimes tandem feed with a twin nursing pillow, but only if i have to as i dont particularly like it. my ideal is a 30min stagger but for now we're basically demand feeding so it varies, but a large gap is definitely the worst!

[babybarr]

Kayra I think you can be excused from following... Just about!!

My boys were also rocked in bouncers and I used their swings a lot. Also cos they were bad at mapping they often slept in their carseats indoors.

I think anything goes when you have more than one.

[babybarr]

Ok so how do you encourage people NOT to refer to them as 'the twins'?  I find it annoying that people don't use their names yk? They wouldn't refer to ds1 as 'the boy' so I feel like it's the same. How do you feel or don't you mind?

How also do you stop yourself from saying 'the other one' !  that happens a lot if I don't specify a name.

Latest from my Tesco run... Oh it must take you ages to get round the shop. As he continues talkin to me!  Also someone asked me how I can tell them apart I just said I can't!

[kayra]

i must confess i call them the twins sometimes, i try not to but it does just come out at times. I'd rather not but it doesn't bother me THAT much either. We also do a lot of 'her' and 'him' rather than saying their names for some reason, now that I think of it we tend to say Mika a fair bit but we use Lena's name less, goodness knows why! DS always calls them by their names though

[Uglybethy]

Hello ladies
How is everyone doing?
Update on our 2-1 transition... It's done! And we can all finally breathe a bit and take our time with, well, everything really. No more rushing to fit so many meals and snacks in with little time left for errands and it feels wonderful. We really have time in the mornings to do things like learn to brush teeth without watching the clock because of how many naps we had to fit in.
The negatives (aren't there always negative bits!) the middle of the day nap feels too important and is too long (2-3 hrs) to be able to do it in the car so our day is cut in two. We still long to go out for the whole day but always seem to have to rush back for a nap. Oh and Im studying for my conversion exams which I said I'd start once they had transitioned to one nap.... And I absolutely hate it with a passion!!
Hope you're all doing ok, given the trials and tribulations and joy and lol moments of raising multiples

[kayra]

congratulations on being done with the 2-1 Beth, all these transitions are so hard! I keep thinking that now is the hardest bit of the baby stage but remembering these bits makes me wonder Having said that if I've had a good night of sleep I cope much better so assuming that's the case when these transitions happen I might be ok It's hitting home that being a high sleep needs person and being a mum don't go well together

My parents were away 6 days, they come back tonight *HALELUYA* We've had good days and not so good days, good nights and bad nights, today I feel absolutely exhausted we've had nap mutiny for most of the naps and when they have slept it's taken ages to settle and then they've woken up early. So grumble grumble, and to add to my patheticness I was hardly ever alone for all of this DH took a couple of days off and the other 2 days a friend came over to help...how DO you guys do it alone? Seriously, what do you do if they both need settling at the same time and you literally can't do that yet they won't stay in the bouncy chair or whatever?
anyway, here's sthg DH sent me today, amazing and makes me so thankful-despite my grumbling -for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2659299/Identical-way-except-birthdays-Meet-twins-born-39-days-apart.html
xxx