Refuses dinner then EWs asking for food

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Since we don't have an "Eating for older kids" board I put this here but feel free to move.

DS (just about to turn 5) is a ridiculously picky eater. We do have a rule about trying one bite and he will do that when encouraged but really eats only maybe 5 things. Therefore we have fallen into the trap of really only serving those things for dinner. This is EXACTLY what I said I'd never do.

Anyhow, even when we serve what he likes he will often eat a bite and refuse dinner altogether. In theory this doesn't really bother me, but he will then wake up at 5am and pester us to no end about having breakfast.

Last night we said no iPad after dinner if he didn't eat. Even though I hate doing that, we couldn't think of anything else to do! He still didn't eat and played with Legos instead, which I prefer anyhow lol. But he was whining about eating at the crack of dawn.

He doesn't snack a ton in the afternoon, although I suppose we could completely shut down the kitchen after lunch and perhaps that would help. Any other thoughts that don't involve taking things away or being punitive?

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I would try ditching the afternoon snack habit first - we have had a lot of success with that (they get a very small snack at about 2:30/3:00, usually a bit of fruit & cheese) and find they will eat things they normally would reject (split pea and ham soup! Was shocked Masyn ate 2 bowls).

[Hedgehog17]

If DS is being fussy about eating dinner,he gets 2 choices: eat your food or go to bed! I say to him "oh you must be too tired to eat, so it's up to bed". He always chooses to eat dinner after that 

He is the world's slowest eater, so he's now learning the consequence that there won't be time to play or watch tv after meals if he doesn't get on with it 

None of this is punitive, it's just natural consequences which they all have to learn.

[*Liz*]

Both of mine do this. Very annoying. I have a no waking us up before 6am rule and no food before 7am rule. I'm simply not prepared to be up at the crack of dawn making breakfast because they didn't eat their evening meal.

Does a glass of milk before bed help at all? I sometimes give DD a banana if she is saying she is hungry before she even goes to bed  .

I would increase the variety of food offered regardless Kate. Even picky eaters get bored of the same stuff. Something they like on the side, but otherwise whatever the rest of you are eating.

[ZacsMumme]

Kate I just want to give you a big hug and say 'mine too!' Z is only 3.5 but is a resistant eater with temperature and texture issues with food. He is so fussy and I tell you out I have tried it ALL!

We don't offer breakfast before 7 but since all other options we tried failed dismally I give an early dinner with something on his plate I know he will eat (the rest he has to bite, or lick/kiss if he can't handle it) he gets a small drink of vanilla almond milk (won't drink milk) after his bath.

I have a question for you hun. Do you think he is fussy/picky because he knows there are other better options. Or do you think he would starve himself if he had too, or get anxious/distraught/gag etc if he had to try/eat other foods he would otherwise refuse? - if it's the latter then it may not be as simple as just adjusting when he eats. (By all means try this first though!)

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Spencer used to be the anxious/distraught gagger who had issues with everything that wasn't white gf bread, white rice or chicken nuggets - but since she was 2.5/3 we have been just putting every food we eat (that she can have, no gluten) on her plate and using her favs as bargaining tools - so if she wanted more rice she had to lick/taste the new food (we gave really tiny portions of the favs) It took a year to get her to actually put a piece of pork in her mouth and now she loves pork. Now at almost 6 she will generally try anything once and her palate has really expanded.

[ZacsMumme]

Heidi so good to hear your progress with S. We do a bit of bargaining too just like you are so good to know in time we will hopefully see more progress.

Exposure to the foods seems to be the most important thing so they don't go backwards...is that right?

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Yes for sure - and not just at the table but shopping, putting away groceries and helping cook to expose them to it as well. It was explained to us that for most kids it might take a dozen exposures to try something but for a kid who has sensory issues with food it could take 50-100 times! Spencer has literally shocked me lately since her half birthday gs with her willingness to try stuff. I was the same as a kid and it has really been since having kids that I have branched out with my food choices.

[clazzat]

I haven't had the waking up early for food issue, but I have had the refusing dinner, and it has always been up to them but there is no alternative, and breakfast has never been early as a result.  When dd1 was going through her properly picky phase and losing weight, I found that offering more snacks actually made her more likely to eat her meals, and I introduced a glass of milk and a biscuit as a last-thing-at-night supper just before she went to bed to stave off the worst of the hunger pangs - this wasn't in any way linked to whether she ate her tea or not, she got it regardless.  I know that I am a grazer by nature, and for preference wouldn't actually eat main meals at all, just snacks and if I give up snacks completely I often find that I can't face eating a proper meal, so I could understand why dd1 found it easier to eat if she was eating regularly - maybe some regularly timed healthy snacks might help your ds to rebuild his appetite for dinner?

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Thanks for the replies, girls. I do wonder if it's more about texture/taste and not as much not being hungry but I'm not 100% sure. I will definitely try doing a set small snack at a particular time and see if that helps. He is very into schedules and knowing when things will happen so he'd probably be into that. His sister, who likes to snack the day away and still eats a full dinner with a side salad with no issue, might be a little averse to it, though!

I know we need to increase the variety. It's just been such a bad habit we've been in. Things have been so busy and stressful around here since the baby was born and I've been working crazy hours and we just let it get away from us. We are moving this week and then it is top of our priority list to get us all eating better. I would really like to meal plan and have a set meal and then do a small amount of whatever I know he will eat on the side - apple and peanut butter or the like. Hoping to involve him with more cooking as well. Perhaps that will help. He himself has said he's bored with the rotation of 3 dinners so I think he will be open to the idea of new stuff, it'll just be whether he eats it or not.

We have a no breakfast before 7am policy as well. Trouble is, he comes in and harasses us to no end usually and it's even worse when he's hungry.

[clazzat]

When I have been able to make time for it I have tried to have one new meal every week. As the girls have got older they have got quite excited about what the new meal is going to be. It is never anything elaborate, and it is normally basically just a variation on something I know they like already. That way it adds a bit of change and also means that I don't need to worry so much about all the other meals being the same! There are some good recipe books which have meals that don't take very long, or all go in one pot, or are directed at families which are helpful for inspiration.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

I like that idea! I could even put surprise dinner on something on the calendar. He'd be into that

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Love that idea Clare!

Kate we did a lot of just getting by when E came along, if we hadn't already dealt with S's eating habits starting way back I am sure I would be in the same situation too...cannot imagine throwing a move in on top of that!

[Buntybear]

Hi, how are you getting on? I was on hols when you were posting this so just catching up as hoping to do something to expand Olly's repertoire too.

One thing I want to do now we have broken up for summer is make more dinners with him. Today I gave him an Annabel Karmel recipe book and asked him to choose a dinner that he likes the look of and we will shop, cook and eat it together. He found a couple of sandwiches and a ton of puddings so will work on that one but it is a start!

As Claire says, what has worked in the past is just tweaking dishes/food you know he will eat into something different. So no big jumps but it is presented in a different way.