4-5 month sleep regression help - in the middle of mommy meltdown

[laurenlang]

need help battling the 4 month sleep regression. nighttime has become nightmare. dd was beautifully scheduled on a 3 hour easy, then it all went away 2+ weeks ago. and yesterday, little bit probably only got 8 hours of sleep total. no bueno.

bio:  SAHM to 20 week old baby girl. EBF, 13.25 lbs at 4 month checkup. hitting milestones on track. happy, easy baby that was easily scheduled and flexible. no health issues.

naps:  usually 3xday. has never really taken a nap longer than 45 minutes (baby sleep cycle) but isn't cranky and wasn't particularly hard to get down. napped in a bassinet, stroller/car seat, baby carrier, swing. still aiming for 3 naps post regression but she's harder to get down.

night:  before regression, was swaddled with a paci (that she would drop a few times before finally going to sleep) and put down in her crib until the early morning feed, then it was into our bed from 4 until 8, 9 or 10, whenever we got up. she had dropped down to just one night feed around 4, which meant we got 6 hours of sleep. nighttime routine is feed around 6, then up until bath time around 8:30, then nurse to sleep with paci. after regression:  hey, why not get rid of the swaddle too? still doing the bath routine, but trying to move it up earlier. still nursing to sleep and giving paci, but no swaddle. she will sleep from 45 min to 3 hours, then it's paci dance/20 min try-to-sleep/cry/rinse/repeat until around 1, then 4 am feed and cosleep.

(rough) schedule before regression: 
4 am - feed/cosleep
7 am - feed/cosleep
9:30 - 10 am - feed and wake for the day
10-11:00/11:30 - play
11:30 - nap (45 min)
12ish pm - eat
12:20 - play
2 pm - nap (45 min)
3 pm - eat
3:20 - play
5 pm - nap (45 min)
6 pm  - eat
6:15 - play until bath time
8 pm - bath, lotion, book (if she can stand it) with daddy
8:45 - nurse to sleep while diffusing lavender, put down at 10ish, do the paci dance a few times and generally we were all asleep for the night by 11 pm.

thoughts on tackling this? for getting back to sleep i generally just touch her and rub her eyebrows rather than getting her out of the crib. i can live with a 45 minute nap if i can have my 6+ hours of sleep back! 

[Skadiver13]

Hi Hun my lo was tough during the 4 month regression. Was she sleeping ok before? If so it may just be you need to ride it out?  What is your current EASY?

till aiming for 3 naps post regression but she's harder to get down.

Do you think this could be she's OT? She's definetely not getting enough day sleep given her age which could cause the EW's as well.

It also seems you may have some APOPing going on, feeding to sleep and co sleeping. Are these things you want to stop?

[laurenlang]

she definitely isn't (day) sleeping as long as i'd like her to, but she may truly be a catnapper. she's not cranky after naps, wakes happy. she was sleeping from about 10 pm-4 am before. the co-sleeping at 4 am i don't mind for now, as long as i'm getting good sleep before. dh likes it too in the morning - family snuggle. however, i don't want it to be a years long thing either. basically, if partial co-sleeping and paci work to get her to sleep, i'm all for it for now.

since the regression (saturday before father's day), i've tried to keep her on that same schedule but everything's fallen apart quickly due to my extreme exhaustion. she was definitely overtired yesterday and only got about half her needed sleep. she was on a 3 hour easy (due to the 45 min naps) but now it's a little all over the place. i'd like to extend it to 3.5 or 4 if possible. but really, i just want her to sleep and i want to be able to count on that sleep so i'm not sobbing over her crib at 1130 pm tonight. ugh.

[Skadiver13]

Hi Hun, the issue with co-sleeping and feeding to sleep is that she will need you to go back to sleep when she wakes at night. So she may be waking from her 45min nap happy because it's semi-restorative BUT she may not be able to go to sleep after the sleep cycle because you aren't there? I'm not sure as we never co-slept or fed to sleep so I may not be the best judge. Do you try to get her back to sleep for her naps? I.e. just shush/pat back to sleep etc? Do you want to keep the 10am wake for the day?

[laurenlang]

well, as far as naps, she goes to sleep on her own, but just doesn't stay down long. the night sleeping, yes - nursing to sleep, co-sleeping, etc. are not particularly ideal. i'd rather have a 7-8 am wake up time, we've just gotten into a bad pattern because of my sleep needs. *sigh* and now i have no idea where to start making changes or what to change them to. very frustrating.

[Skadiver13]

he goes to sleep on her own, but just doesn't stay down long.

I think this could be (not necessarily so) an example that she can go to sleep with out you but when she wakes up after the first sleep cycle she needs you there because she's used to you helping her back to sleep.

If you are waning a 7-7 type of routine I would just start there. But I would first start weaning the feed to sleep. If she wakes in the middle of the night say 11:30 how do you get her back to sleep.

[laurenlang]

you're right - i know she can do it. but just reinforcing that is a task now. if she had woken at 11:30 pm, it would depend on the last time she fed. if it was a good feed only an hour or two before, i would normally give her a paci and soothe her. if it had been a few hours, i would feed her.

[Skadiver13]

does she wake at a typical time at night for a feed?

[laurenlang]

she normally woke around 3-4 for a feed. occasionally would sneak one in around midnight. she had dropped the 1 am feed a while back. sometimes i give a paci if she has an early wake, but if that doesn't work then i'll nurse her. that's a hard habit to break too, since she was sooooooooo tiny when we brought her home and i was determined to get her weight up. now, it's more of a judgment call.

today, after only 8 hours of sleep the previous 24 hours, we got up at 745 am, and then i just let her nap in the swing for 2 naps, and they were over an hour long. last nap was in her bassinet, a little hard to get down, and only 45 min. bath time at 7:30, nursed at 8. since she goes to sleep nursing, i've tried rousing her a bit before i get her in the crib - just snuggling, etc. it has been disastrous. right now she's barking for her paci. when i go in for the pu/pd (which i've never done, i always try to soothe her in the crib), she just wants to coo and smile. it's me she wants.

she's also rolling all over the crib because she physically can't settle, and tends to end up on her side, which makes me crazy.

[laurenlang]

think we've turned a corner! i've been implementing an earlier bedtime, a partial wake after nursing until she's drowsy again, then shushpat and pu/pd if necessary. she sleeps on her side still, with a paci, but i'm feeling good about it.

hope i didn't just jinx myself.

[Skadiver13]

Hun if she can turn one way or the other and she's comfortable on her side I wouldn't worry to much about it. Just give her plenty of practice during the day rolling around and going back to front etc. Keep up the good work.

[laurenlang]

thanks for the encouragement. we're still struggling with night sleep. by struggling, i mean 1 hour spurts from 7:30ish pm until 4 am when i put her in the bed with me just so i can get some sleep. i'm even sleeping in her room so husband can get some solid sleep before work. tonight i put her in her swing to sleep bc i'm so so so tired i know i couldn't try to get her to sleep without my own meltdown, and she even cried in her swing! i'm thinking of just starting over with EASY this week. i'm just DONE and don't know what else to do but don't have the heart to let her CIO. it's slowly starting to make our lives harder even though we both seem to have good humor about it. and she isn't cranky during the day.

[Skadiver13]

Hi hun, I can hear you are struggling.  Do you think it could be discomfort? Have you tried medication? Does she have any signs of reflux?