How to wean NFs - gradual or cold turkey 10.5 months

[KookyK]

I've addressed a lot of sleep issues in the past 3 months and so much has improved with support from here. But I need to look at night feeds.

DS is 10.5 months. He has STTN twice. He had Been waking once or twice in the night and i fed him. I was ok with this for a while but made two my max.

He's currently teething and two days a week I work and he will not take a bottle. On those two days I have let him feed as much as he likes inc at night to make up for it. He's been waking up a lot and due to sheer exhaustion and inability to resettle him this past week I've fed him 2-4 times a night. Argh!!

Help! Where to start! Do I wait til he cuts this tooth? I'm happy to feed once a night ATM. Do I offer water or just try to resettle in his cot?

[*Ali*]

Do you think he is getting enough food in the day? Does he drink any formula from a cup? Maybe he is genuinely hungry if he isn't having any breast or formula milk in the day on work days. I'd work on getting him to take more in the day before refusing any feeds at night. Mine were both on 4 feeds a day at this age. It sounds like he is reverse cycling due to your return to work. Have a look at this link for ideas on how to deal with it.
http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling/

[KookyK]

The first few times I worked he had less milk or STTN so I'm not sure. I suspect its his comfort and my guilt?  On the other days tues-thurs and weekend he has a lot of milk in the day (and night!). His food intake is improving - bette in the past month - tho breakfast a dead loss (too much night milk?).

[*Ali*]

Yes it's common for LOs not to be hungry for breakfast if they are up eating all night.
It could be that he is realising this work thing is a permanent fixture and not just a one off and he is feeling insecure. It often doesn't happen straight away.

If you're happy he is taking enough during the day then I'd maybe limit the NFs by setting a time you will not feed before for example midnight and then resettle without feeding until after then. You can also say if it hasn't been more than 4hrs for example since the last feed you will resettle without feeding.

Is he going down to sleep independently for naps and BT or are you in the room?

[KookyK]

Thanks Ali lots to think of.

Yes maybe he is insecure ATM. He's cutting a tooth And just learnt to pull himself up on things do perhaps lots developmentally.

Also due to second nap getting later and later we went to one nap last weekend as he's LSN.

He has terrible nights if routines v out eg if he has a v long early nap and second nap he screams and screams at bedtime or an hour later. If he has two v short naps or one long one hes better but prob the wakings have increased since one nap .

He was self settling quite well tho sometimes I had to sing to him which most times was outside his door.

In the last week I've been so desperate and tired I've done less settling by singing to him and sitting with whilst he cried and I say soothing things I've just fed him most times! I know its wrong!! It's such a quick fix! But not good long term. He is going to sleep from awake but more and more wanting to be pretty drowsy.

He doesn't like pu/pd or WI/WO if he won't settle (but pu/pd worked well at about 7-8 months and have tried adapted where I lie him down when he sits but he gets hysterical and has been a bit sick on one occasion).

I'm just so tired!

[*Ali*]

Ah sounds like he's dealing with a lot right now with the change in routine, teething and developmental milestones. Maybe gradually making a move back to less help at naps and BT will help you resettle him in the same way at night.

Feel free to post in EASY if you want help with his day time routine. It can take lots of tweaking during the 2-1 transition. I found mine woke more at night if UT and expected a BF because they were used to just waking to feed so they expected it at NWs.

[KookyK]

He had two short naps and a better night last night.

Your right about trying to help him be more indep at naps and BT. Last night I tried to resist when he woke about 1.5hrs after BT but the screaming was so bad and DD is ill ATM and me knackered I gave in and fed but tried to stir him when I put him down so he wasnt asleep at least. So he woke aroud 8, 1.30 and 5.30 which is better (better than 10, 12, 2, 4.30 and 6.30 mornig anyway!). Will keep working on it.

[*Ali*]

Good luck

[KookyK]

An struggling to find the energy to be tough. He's clearly forgotten how to sleep independently and its my fault :-( Need to be tough but too tired zzzzz!

[*Ali*]

Best to catch up on sleep and start from a well rested condition I think.

[KookyK]

Thanks Ali. Sorry, that was v moany!!

Another problem I've realised is that if he wakes during a long nap my apop method of choice has been feed back to sleep as nothing else works!!

Today I think he needed two short naps but as I wouldn't feed him right to sleep tho he was drowsy he freaked when he hit the bed. After lots of screaming I gave up and tried later so now it'll be a one nap day. But he was so tired of course he was practically asleep by the time I put him in bed. So he didnt practise going to sleep from awake!!!

Bedtime I guess is the next thing to try.

Yday (me at work, he drank no milk from 7.45-4.45)
A 5.20
S 9.30-10.30
S 2.15-2.45 (I need him awake from 3 for bedtime)
Bt 6.30 (v soundly asleep - normally Wakes after 35-45 mins but not tonight)

NW - 9.30-10.15 (fed, then failed attempts to put him down)
12.30-1.15 (ditto. Gave nurofen in case tooth)
5.30 fed then back to sleep til 6.30

Today he was tired
A 6.30
Tried for nap 9.45 but v screamy
S 11.30 (woke 12.15 apop)
Hope now for 1.5-2 hrs and ebt.

[*Ali*]

No you didn't sound moany

So how re you trying to resettle him now rather than feeding him? Is he still being fed right before naps but you are rousing him a bit before putting him down or what?

[KookyK]

Yes but if I rouse him he freaks out and goes from sleepy to crawling around and sitting up and almost being sick. Worse if I pick him up or lie him down. Occasionally if tired enough he cries only a teeny bit and turns over and sleeps but rare.

I use to sing to him either outside his door or next to him. It worked last night one time.

He's in a travel cot - temporary - so I can't reach in and touch but he never liked the pat part of shh pat

[KookyK]

After a rest this morning I've felt a bit stronger this evening.

He shd have been v tired by 6.40 so fed him and put him down awake having had calpol and gum rub. 30 mins of mild crying and me singing by him and he was a sleep. But in the following hour I was back up twice for a good 15-20 mins with more crying. Hum. Could be a long night.

I decided to hold out to feed min 3.5 hourly. Which is insane for his age but he's been feeding 2.5-3 hourly to date. Hoping to extend that.

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Good luck. You can do it.

[*Ali*]

Keep up the good work.

[KookyK]

Thanks, girls. He's been up and crying three times since bt an hour and a quarter ago.

Wondering whether to pick him up and feed when I go to bed sort of dream feed. I've not done that before but he often wakes just after I've gone to bed. Hmm. Maybe not tonight after all the other wakings.

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

No, I wouldn't do it.

[KookyK]

Thanks Sarah - I didn't! It was q a good night relative to others - after being up and down a lot in the first hour and a half he was much quieter. Woke 11 and 5.30! Fed both times and he went back to sleep at 11 easily. Up at 5.30 but I can take that.

Thanks both for your support . After a better night I feel like the hard work and screaming is paying off so I'm motivated now!

[*Ali*]

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

That's not bad really. Well done you two!