Please HELP! 15mo doesnt nap/sleep/stay asleep

[BipolarBaby74]

We are having multiple issues with naps and bedtime, plus increased wakings during the night.

This problem has been going on since he was about 10 months old, though perhaps 1-2 days a week. Now it is every night, since we moved into a new house a month ago and our regular routines are a bit all over the place. We are trying to return to a set routine, but really struggling with the sleep issue.

Current Routine

6ish Wake
615ish Brekkie & cup of milk
830ish Nap (usually sucessful)
11ish lunch
1/2p nap ( very rarley successful)
3ish snack
5ish Dinner
530ish Bath
630ish Bedtime (sleeps 1-2 hour then wakes)

Bed times are the worst. Seems no one is getting much decent sleep. At bed times DS usually goes right to sleep. After 1-2hr, he wakes and is seemingly wide awake though very tired. We have tried controlled crying, very unsuccessfully. DS wanders around cot, talking/babbling, plays with feet/anything. His chatter becomes crying and it is seemingly impossible to settle him. The more we try, the more frantic he becomes. He wants out of the cot, to play. This can go on for hours and finally because nothing seems to be working, I get him up and feed him a meal of solid hot food and am able to put him back to bed and he usually will sleep.
Since we moved, he more frequently wakes again after about 2 hrs with nightmares/seperation anxiety/fear of the dark/frantic. This we part we have more of a handle on. I comfort him and once calm put him back to bed. He will then sleep another 6-8hrs till morning. I do not wake him in the morning, i have been letting him wake on his own. Which is anywhere from 5am to 830am, depending on how bad a night he had.

I know that he is overtired. I am certain that this is a large part of what is interfering with bedtimes, but also naps. Because he is obviously tired we try to get him down for a 2nd nap. But it is not working. Maybe 1 day a week, is the 2nd nap a go.

I am really worried that we are not handling this right and that we may be contributing to possible life long sleep issues. I have this same issue with sleep myself. I sleep for 2 or so hours, then wake wide awake, am up for an hour, then back to sleep. This has been a lifelong issue for me. I do not want my DS to suffer with it too, because of my mishandling of the issue.

Please help. We just don't know what to do anymore. We need sleep, but more importantly HE needs it.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

At 15 months I would expect him to be awake longer before his first nap, which would make one nap possible and hopefully leave him tired enough to get a good night. But with the bad nights I wonder if he is just in an ut/ot loop that he cannot shake. Personally I would be tempted to stick to a set wake up time/nap time/bedtime for a bit to see if it would help him adjust - the huge variety in wake ups must make it hard on him to have a consistent day. Have you ruled out anything medical that could be a culprit? Teeth?

[BipolarBaby74]

Thank you! The input helps alot. As first-time parents, it has been a bit of a struggle to find good solutions that work for each new stage. There is so much info and opinions out there, but we have found it difficult to find real solutions that fit. We have many ideas, but havent known which way to try since he has become a toddler.

We will try your advice (we were actually discussing set times just this morning!) right away. I suspected that he was napping too soon after morning wakeup, but i had not been able to find guidance on what is approriate for his age.

We have ruled out medical issues, though he is atm going through some teething. Which may be why it is as bad as it is at the moment. But the problem exists nearly as bad when the teething subsides. I think a more rigid routine will be helpful, teething or no.

On an additional note, we removed all the toys/distractions from his room. As we have noticed that when he won't settle he wants out to play and will even try to reach toys (even tho he cant) to pull them into the cot! We want him to associate his room ( not just his cot) with sleeptime, not playtime.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Good idea to minimize distractions in the room...I remember DD1's room being totally bare in the toddler years!

There is a lot of variation in what kids this age do for sleep - all three of mine were different, but most kids are on one nap between 12-18 months or so. Hard though with the rough nights! At least with set times it will be less guess work for you and hopefully will help things even out.

[jessmum46]

If it helps, at 15 months we were on a 11.45 nap (15 mins earlier if early wake or v tired) and a 6/6.30pm BT.  WU was usually 6.30/7.

[BipolarBaby74]

This last week has been a bit of a challenge as we have had in laws visiting, birthdays, a cold, teething, and other schedule interupting events. But it has still been much better than before. We are finally out of the OT/UT loop! And last night SUCCESS! He slept all night, straight thru! He had a big day yesterday, playgroup for 1.5 hrs, plus we played ball in the back yard for a bit, now that winter is fading here in Australia. Seems that he was not getting enough excercise before, even though we have kept him pretty active inside. It was a bit of a challenge with the bitter cold and rain we had been having.

I am feeling good about this!

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Great update! Ugh winter fading in Australia means it must be just around the corner here!