28 months, still wakes 2 or 3 times for milk

[babygiraffe]

28 month old DD has never got into a routine of sleeping through the night.

When she was 20 months she got into a routine of waking once or twice asking for me but would go straight back to sleep with me beside her.
Then I hurt my back and my husband got up with her a few nights in a row. With him she would not go back to sleep again without milk and she has been like that ever since waking between 1 and 3 times per night. She also ONLY wants my DH, she screams if I get up instead of him.

I'm pretty sure she not thirsty and is just using the milk as a prop, although for the last week or so I have had problems getting her to drink much in the day.

My husband gives her the milk then leaves her still awake and she settles herself back to sleep. We have tried offering water instead but she won't take it.

She naps for around an hour and a half in the day.

We're looking for ways to break this cycle we've fallen into. We've reduced the amount of milk she is getting at night by diluting it and also by offering smaller portions but she started asking for more when the portions got too small!

We would be grateful for any ideas!

[jessmum46]

To be honest I think the only way here is cold turkey - no more milk - and deal with the inevitable tantrums as you would any other unreasonable request e.g. to have an ice cream just before dinner. 

Does she go to sleep independently at bedtime and naptime?  What is her usual daytime routine?

[babygiraffe]

Thanks for your reply!

We usually deal with daytime tantrums by distracting her with something but I don't know how that would work in the night.

At bedtime she has a cup of milk before sleeping. I don't know whether that is part of the problem of her thinking she needs milk to sleep. She does not have milk before her nap.

At bedtime my husband sits next to her until she goes to sleep. She used to do the same with me too but now she only wants him for bedtime :-( For her nap, she wants me to lie beside her holding both my hands. I then have to prize them away once she is asleep. Obviously this habit isn't great either, I just don't know where to start sorting it all out!

[jessmum46]

Has she ever gone to sleep independently ie on her own without you in the room?  Just affects how we might approach things

[babygiraffe]

Not going to bed at night or for her nap but when she wakes in the night we leave her as soon as she finishes the milk and she lies down and goes to sleep by herself.

[jessmum46]

Ok, and what time is WU, naptime and bedtime?  Just checking there's nothing in the routine that could be causing extra wakings before we come up with a plan

[babygiraffe]

Wake up at 9 (sometimes earlier but not usually before with breakfast
Lunch 12.30
Nap 2-3.30, milk on waking
Dinner 5.30-6
Snack when we eat at 8
Sleep between 9.45 and 10.

I know this schedule is very late but we have had terrible problems with her sleeping and when we had everything on an earlier schedule she would often wake up extremely early.

[jessmum46]

If she settles fairly quickly for nap and bedtime, then the routine looks ok for now.  Does she go straight to sleep as long as you or your husband are there?  If not she may need a routine adjustment too, but I'll assume things are ok on that front for now.

I think gradual withdrawal is probably going to be the best technique for you and your husband to get out of the room - Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE) (ignore the information on WIWO).  I would also change up her bedtime routine if she has the cup of milk directly before sleep - not least because she needs to brush her teeth afterwards.  She can still have milk as part of the routine, but maybe give it to her downstairs before heading up for bath/stories/whatever else you do.  Then at least you know she isn't hungry if you end up with a tantrum.

With the overnight milk, I would spend time in the day talking to her about how there will be no more milk at night.  For now, it's ok for your husband to go in and comfort her when she wakes, but you need to be consistent about no milk.  If you do give in it will make it ten times harder the next time.  Once she will settle with your husband going in, but no milk, start working on gradual withdrawal so that she gets used to going back off to sleep herself.

How does that sound?

[babygiraffe]

That sounds great, thank you so much!

She does settle fairly quickly for her nap and bedtime is not too bad either although it does vary. It is a problem that she will only settle with my DH though.

Great idea to change the bedtime routine, we'll need to do that in order to get her dry at night too.

Our main issue at the moment is the night waking although obviously the bedtime routine and the fact that she wants to hold hands to go to sleep are problematic too.

Would you recommend working on one of these these things at a time or all together?

We are expecting a new baby in 2 months and while we don't expect everything to be resolved by then I would like to get the more traumatic stuff (i.e. going cold turkey on giving milk in the night) out of the way as much in advance of the new arrival as possible so she doesn't associate the two things.

She also isn't potty trained yet. I've managed to get her to sit on the toilet a few times but so far she hasn't produced anything. Should we hold off with the potty training until some of these sleep issues are resolved? I don't want to cause extra problems by working on too many things at once.

[jessmum46]

I would deal with the milk issue first (including with bedtime) but still have your husband sit with her for now.  Once the milk is gone, say in 3-4 days, start working on gradual withdrawal for bedtime and all night wakings.  If you can get hold of the BW solves all your problems book there are some case examples in there I think you might find very helpful.  It's up to you if you want to tackle naps as well at the moment.  My gut says it would be less confusing for her if you do, but you may welcome the rest yourself at the moment? 

Personally I'd hold off potty training for now - as you say I think it would be too much, especially as she's likely to lose some sleep over this period of sleep training.