Is there anything else I can do to get my 14 month old to eat?

[c0c0mon]

My LO started solid when he was 5-6 months old. He was not too thrilled to eat but I kept encouraging him to eat and he got better by 7/8 months. He was eating pureed food and he refused to chew. He didn't get his first tooth till he was 10 month old. Once he turned 1 year old, he had gotten hard to be spoon fed. So I resorted to 'distractions' such as videos, books, toys in order to get the spoon anywhere near his mouth.

About 2 weeks ago, it was almost impossible to feed him regardless of the distractions. It took me more than 1.5 hour to feed him a meal. I started to let him feed himself with finger foods. But he would take a bite then keep it in his cheek and he would either swallow it (without chewing) or spit it out. We eat in front of him all the time. I demonstrated chewing motion when he had food in his mouth. And he got slightly better, but not by much.

For the past 7 days, he hasn't eaten anything more than 5 bites. Below is his feeding schedule:
7:30AM - Milk 8oz
8:30AM - Breakfast (pancakes/french toast and bananas) ±40 mins
10:15 AM - Snack (cereal and fruits) ±30 mins
12:00PM - Lunch (he wouldn't eat anything else other than avocados) ±40 mins
1:00PM - Milk 6oz
3:30PM - Snack (cheese and/or fruits) ±30 mins
6:00PM - Dinner (pasta and ground meat and avocado and fruits) ±45 mins unless he starts to throw food and crying
7:30PM - Milk 4oz

I called the doctor and they told me that it had not gone long enough and it didn't seem like he had an oral aversion. He just has little to no interest of eating. I am feeling so helpless and I notice such a big difference in his personality as well. He used to be a very happy baby. Even strangers noticed that. But now, he's just miserable. He cries and fusses for no reasons. Additionally, he's losing weight. For the past week alone, I think he almost lost 1lb.

When I used to feed him, he would eat alot more and more of a balanced meal.

Is this normal? Why am I feeling so defeated and anxious and worried and frustrated all at the same time? What can I do to help him?

Thank you so much for your time and help.

[<Catherine>]

I don't have a massive amount of advice, my first son was similar and nothing I did made any difference, he just wasnt a big eater and still isn't at 5yo. He was eating a bit better than your lo though.

My second son is nearly 15 months and totally the opposite - he doesn't stop eating. But, hes refusing the spoon a lot and has been for the last couple of months. I think it's quite a normal phase and I am just mostly making finger food for him.

I do wonder if your lo may be having too much milk? I don't think he needs that middle milk feed now and it may be filling him up too much to be too interested in the solids.

[c0c0mon]

Catherine,

Thank you for your response.

The doctor told us that he should have at least 18oz of milk a day. Since he's not having yogurt at all because he has to be fed or he has to feed himself (which is not going to happen). Same thing with cheese, he would just eat couple bites here and there.

I know for sure that he's hungry because I can hear that his tummy growls. For lunch and dinner, I offer his milk after solids and he drinks it up as if he has had nothing to eat all day.

He used to be a great eater when I pureed his food. Now that he has to chew, he is just not interested.

[Lolly]

The doctor told us that he should have at least 18oz of milk a day. Since he's not having yogurt at all because he has to be fed or he has to feed himself (which is not going to happen). Same thing with cheese, he would just eat couple bites here and there.

There is a big experimentation part to learning to eat and they do need the chance to play with it and get messy - is that what puts you off letting him feed himself yoghurt or do you feel he won't be able to? Have you tried pre-loading spoons and letting him have the spoon - we did that a lot when mine went through spoon refusing? We also were using children's forks at this age, they were easier to keep the food on, I put the food on the fork and they fed themselves.

If you have only recently started giving him finger foods then it will take him a while to get used to chewing and manipulating food. Both of mine had finger foods from 6 months so they had had 8 months worth of practice by the time they were your LO's age!

I agree with the milk though, if he knows he is getting milk after his food he could be holding out for the easier option. You could make his bedtime milk drink bigger and drop the middle of the day bottle, if he has some cheese and yoghurt or milk in foods then he will get what he needs.

It may be that the snacks are filling him up so he's not really hungry for food by meal times too, their tummies are still small so it's worth looking at snack size and maybe cut them down so he is hungrier at meal times. Neither of my two ate a proper meal, especially at the end of the day if they snacked so I didn't give an afternoon snack but gave their evening meal earlier (about 4.30/5) and then bedtime milk was 7/7.30.

What do you think?

Laura

[c0c0mon]

Laura,

Thank you for your response and suggestions.

It's not that I don't want him to feed himself or let him get messy. Even with simple finger food, he gets himself pretty messy. I tried letting him have a spork (spoon and fork in one) several time and he used that as something to mash his food on his tray rather than as a utensil. I stopped giving it to him because it distracted him from eating his food.

I understand that he will take him to learn to get used to chewing and manipulating food. But I'm concern about his nutrition intake in time being, while he's learning. My concern is also the fact that he has no interest in chewing food or food in general. It's one thing if he's hungry then he shows interest in food and gets frustrated because he is not able to chew or process it. He looks at food as toys that he throws on the floor.

I will try your suggestion for the next couple of days. I will skip his PM snack with a hope that he'll eat his dinner better.

Thank you SO SO much for your help!!!

[Lolly]

It's also worth looking at what he's had over an entire day rather than individual meals, they actually need less food than we think for them to get what they need. A portion of fruit/ veg for you, for example is about what can fit in your hand - think how small his hand is!

Let us know how you get on. Try not to stress though, toddlers really won't starve themselves!

Laura

[c0c0mon]

Laura,

I wouldn't be so worried if he eats better at least one meal a day. I don't think I gave him a big portion.

Below is a summary of today alone:
7:30AM - Milk 8oz
9:00AM - Breakfast: 2 bites of pancakes + 1 bite of banana
10:00AM - Tried offering breakfast again: 5 bites of pancakes
11:30AM - Snack: 10 pieces of dry cereal
12:30PM - Lunch: 10 bites of cubed avocado
1:30PM - Milk: 6oz
6:00PM - Dinner: 2 bites of pasta

If that's what/how much a toddler typically eat, then I think I'm stressing out for no reason. I tried to skip PM snack but he still wouldn't eat his dinner. I offered penne pasta with ricotta cheese, baked salmon, cubed avocado, and cubed plum. And I put 2/3 pieces on his tray and left the fruit to the end. He picked up the salmon without even trying to put it in his mouth and threw it on the floor. Then, he picked up his avocado and smashed it in his palm and smeared it all over himself. This happened after his 2 bites of pasta and he wouldn't put anything in his mouth anymore. After 20 minutes, he got frustrated and I took him out of his highchair and ended his dinner.

How long does this typically last? Days? Weeks? Months? And at what point should I be concerned that he's not getting the proper nutrition?

Thanks a million!!!!

[ZacsMumme]

At this age we had to drop the morning bottle/Bf and gave one before the nap, then one at BT otherwise my boys just filled up on milk.

After 12 mths I Thought they needed much less milk lots of LOs drop their bottles completely and just have a few cups in sippers/straw cups a day with a bit of cheese off yogurt.

[lilac83]

Hi,

I just went through something similar with my younger dd who is about the same age as your ds. She was getting 18-20 oz of milk per day and it was filling her up. I dropped her down to 16 oz and she is eating so much better now whereas before she would only take a few bites here and there as well but then complain that she was hungry an hour later. The other part of the problem I believe were teeth. I just noticed today that one of her molars has started bulging and teething will definitely put kids off their food. My dd now gets an 8 oz sippy cup to drink throughout the day (she normally finishes it at lunch) and an 8 oz bottle before bed, otherwise she gets water.

[c0c0mon]

Sara & Robin,

It's definitely worth a shot. I will try to give him his solids first in the AM and maybe a little bit of milk afterwards and increase his afternoon and before BT milk. I'll report back tomorrow.

I don't think it's teething but it could be. He's not a fussy baby during teething so far, so it's hard to tell.

Thank you so much. I really really appreciate all of your inputs. 

[ZacsMumme]

Good luck hon. I think from ~9 mths here and maybe closer to 1 yr in the uk the recs do change to milk after food, and for my boys I certainly noticed too much milk = not much food x

[c0c0mon]

Update - I eliminated my ds' AM milk all together. He woke up then he played with his toys a little bit then I gave him his breakfast. I gave him zucchini & banana bread. He ate approx. 8 bites and no longer interested after that. I would say it's better than the 2 bites he had before but I wouldn't consider it good 

About 2 hours later, I gave him another chance on the bread and I gave him 2 strawberries. He finished the strawberries but not a bite of the bread.

I put his milk in his sippy cup and he didn't drink much of it.

For lunch, he ate about 10 bites of avocado. I always changed his nappy for his nap and it was always substantial (after 3-4 hours); but not today. He barely peed. So I gave him 8oz of milk before his nap.

After his nap, he had approx 9 bites of cheese and 2 strawberries as his PM snack.

Hopefully he'll eat his dinner well... I can only pray and hope.

[lilac83]

I've noticed my dd's diapers aren't as full without all the milk too. Do you offer water throughout the day? I offer water with snacks, lunch, dinner and at random times throughout the day, like when she follows me into the kitchen. She never drinks much in one go but will usually polish off about 10 oz over the course of a day.

Hopefully you'll notice him eating more tomorrow. It took my dd a few days to start increasing her appetite without the milk. I remember being really worried that she was going to starve but of course she didn't. She still has meals where she eats next to nothing though and breakfast is still not a big meal for her. My older dd isn't very hungry at breakfast either most days.

[c0c0mon]

Robin -

Thank you for your continuous support.

I'm seriously losing it! It just breaks my heart to see him not eating.

No AM milk again today and he ate 4 bites of the french toast I gave him for breakfast. Then I put it away but offered it again after 2 hours. He took 2 bites and started throwing them on the floor. For lunch, I offered him cubed avocados and steam carrots. He put about 4-5 bites in his mouth and spat them right out. After that, he just grabbed whatever I put on his tray and threw them on the floor. I felt bad, so I offered him a pouch food. But he wouldn't take it and since I was not supposed to force him, after 3 tries, I ended his lunch. So, he didn't eat anything.

Typically, he drinks about 8oz of water in a day.

How are other moms doing this? I guess I need to be stronger and shouldn't feel bad for him. He hasn't been really eating for the past 9 days. How is this sustainable?

[Lolly]

If you are worried then you need to take him to see the Dr for a check up. Have you tried giving meds before a meal to see if that helps incase it is teeth bothering him?

Does he try and take food off your plate at all if you sit with your food at the table with him?

Laura

[c0c0mon]

Laura,

He's going to see his doctor on Friday (moved from next Tuesday and that's the earliest availability). And, no, I haven't tried giving him meds for his teething before his meal because for the past 7 teeth, I never gave him anything and he was fine.

He doesn't try to get food off my plate either... I think he's just not that interested in food. But if I offered him something off my plate, sometimes he wanted it, other times he didn't, without even knowing what I was about to give him.

Thanks again, Laura!

[sunflower321]

hi i know everybody says not to do this but have you tried spoonfeeding him? I would consider my little girl a very good eater because she eats most tige but i still spoon feed her most of her meals and she's 20 months. She, like your little boy, could only eat puree for a long time and at 14 months i was still pureeing her dinner nice and moist and she loved it. Now at 20 months it's mashed with lumps but i still spoon feed. everything i read at 14 months said she should be off puree by that age but I didn't care because I knew my little girl needed it that way because she was just slower than others re solids. But like i say she has a very varied diet but is still mainly spoon fed. Since 18 months i've been giving her a finger food tea at 6. This she will eat some days and other days won't touch it. Now i know the next thing people will say is really the wrong thing to do but i sit her in front of her favourite programme on tv and spoonfeed her! I give her a soft cereal like weetabix or ready brek with lots of milk in it and pureed fruit to sweeten for breakfast. And for dinner i make batches of potato, meat and veg dinners and feed her this. Her snacks are finger food. At 14 months she wouldn't have eaten any. I just think do whatever works for you and don't worry about how he should be eating at a certain age as long as he's getting the food. She eats loads of food now but if I left her to feed herself, like your little boy, she wouldn't bother. I'm sure i won't still be spoonfeeding when she's 18!

[sunflower321]

also, the day you left out the pm snack i would have given tea at 5. it's a long time to go with no food and if my little girl is left too hungry she won't want to eat at all

[c0c0mon]

Sunflower321,

Thank you for your response.

I was spoonfeeding my ds before I decided to let him feed himself and I would have continued doing so if he let me. About 2+ weeks ago, he wouldn't let me feed him anymore whether it was by spoon or pouch food. I let him watch all his favorite show, pulled out all his toys, had someone read him books to distract him but his hands kept pushing the spoon away once it came near his face. It would take us at least an hour to feed him and from time to time, he would cry once food entered his mouth and he would scoop it out.

Then I read somewhere that someone needed to see a feeding specialist because he/she had negative association with food since he/she was forced to eat. I got scared. I didn't want to push him and damaged him further than I already did. Ideally, I would want to spoon feed him because he eats everything I gave him. It made balancing his meals easier. It's not my concern if he still need to be sooo fed at the age of 2 when most kids can feed themselves. Like you said, he will eventually feed himself.

I'm going to see his doctor on Friday. And if he lost significant weight, I think I'm going to resort back to that at least once or twice a day and let him learn to feed himself for his other meals. At least I have a peace of mind that he's getting what he needs. I just hope that I won't cause long term issues for him.

 

[4isstillnighttime]

OK, one other point of view. And I'm not sure if this is a dreadful thing to do but it worked for us!

My little girl C is a total spoon refuser, and at about 11 months was losing weight. She would get v cross in her highchair and was obviously hungry but couldn't bear to be constrained into her highchair, got bored, threw her food on the ground, didn't eat, got hungrier and crosser,etc,etc. So....I asked for advice on the baby led weaning website and started giving her snacks as she played. So, breakfast in the highchair but as soon as she got cross we would get down, then about an hour later we would all have a drink and a piece of toast or something in the playroom. Same after lunch. That way she could eat without stopping playing and as she got better at feeding herself (and she's always been pretty good) mealtimes got easier and we only have playroom snack if we fancy it!

I think maybe your little one doesn't realise eating solids will stop him being hungry perhaps? Could you try something like this but with things that are really easy and fun to eat - blueberries cut in half, tiny bits of cheese, baby flapjack, muffins? Then just let him get the hang of eating without it being a drama and a stress. Like you I was v worried about making mealtimes stressful but now they are lovely!

I know grazing on snacks all day is a bad habit, but we did it for about 3 weeks and everything got a lot better. If the weather was nice we had picnic lunches as well, and meals out in restaurants too. All more exciting than being at home and so much easier for C to stay in place long enough to eat a meal!!

[c0c0mon]

LilyRose22,

Thank you for the tips!

I tried giving his lunch while he's playing today. He was walking around and playing with stacking blocks and I tried to put food in his mouth. It was successful for the first 4 bites and then he wanted to feed himself. And I gave the avocado to him and instead of putting it in his mouth, he shoved it in his toys! It was a mess. I don't particularly care if I have to clean up after him as long as he eats. After 30 mins or so, I think I was only successfully get him to eat 6 bites... 

And you're right! He doesn't realise that solids will stop him from being hungry. He doesn't understand that in order to stop from being hungry, he needs to eat. Sigh...

I am willing to try anything and everything. On weekends, I feed his lunch when we're out at restaurants. He was more interested in people watching rather than eating.

I hope this is just a phase and it will get better. Hopefully sooner than later....

[4isstillnighttime]

Oh dear  I hoped it would work. I hope you get something sorted out. My health visitor told me that no healthy child will starve when there is food available. And maybe he does just need to go through the whole playing with food stage. Mine love things like pasta spirals with cheese on - easy to hold, not much chewing, lots of calories. Or baby flapjack. And raisins - will he eat them?

Poor you. It is so stressful! But I promise it will get easier. My brother was a horrible eater and is now 6'4, built like a tank and eats like a horse!

[c0c0mon]

LilyRose22,

I tried baby flapjack and he wasn't a fan. He likes things that do not involved a lot of chewing; things that will dissolve in his mouth and he eventually will just swallow them, such as graham crackers or cereal or baby puffs. I give them to him as snacks as I think he needs something more nutritious for his meals since he's eating so little.

I'm sure he will come out the other side... one day. Hopefully soon because it's so stressful to watch the way he eats, especially after all the effort I put in. I know I'm not supposed to be a short order cook, but I do for him just to get him to eat.

Thanks for your inputs, once again.