Refresher please

[Eva's Mummy]

DD2 is 1 week old today so I know we are in the nice sleepy newborn stage, not that I can remember how long that lasts, just a couple of weeks I think. But I cant remember a thing, haven't had time to re-read the book and am starting to worry about how I will cope when DH goes back to work. So can I ask a few questions please to help refresh my memory?

1. At the moment I am bottle feeding just whenever she wakes up so that can be 3hrs or 4.5hrs occasionally 2hrs. I am best to wake her to feed at certain intervals so I can have a more structured day?

2. She is currently in her moses basket in the living room until we go to bed, when did you start putting her upstairs in your room for naps and BT and what time di you do BT?

3. Did you cluster feed and when did you do it?

4. When did you start the DF?

5. Do you always change the nappy during the night or feed and put straight back down?

I don't know how I will manage 2, DD1 has just turned 2 and loves her wee sister, always wants to help which sometimes gets in the way. But today she ran over and hit her and while I was feeding her she starting causing chaos and trying to pull things off the wall 

Any advice will be most appreciated.

[kayra]

Hugs gail, these first weeks are chaotic arent they?
To be honest what i realised this time round (maybe b/c of the added chaos of twins) was to no try to expect or plan too much at this stage, kind of taking the babys lead. So if she's feeding well overall i wouldnt wake for the sake od structure, let her sleep when she sleeps. Of course if shes not gaining weight or is sleeping thru too many feeds thats different. But if shes bottle fed its not unusual for her to go a fair while and i'd say if she's sleeping enjpy it!
We didnt have 'bedtime' as such at this point, that took shape kind of later when they threw out the 10 oclockish feed themselves. We tried tge df later on but it didnt really work for us, it did with ds1 but i think i started it when he was around 6 weeks or so.

We had them sleeping anywhere but we dont have an upstairs i think go ahead with what you're comfortable with but this might be a point where you take dd1 into consideration. Would it help her if the baby napped upstairs for one nap while shes downstairs with you? Or baby downstairs and you upstairs with dd..?

We didnt cluster feed on purpose it just kind of happened by itself and then faded out by itself so i'd say take your babies lead..

If you dont have to change the nappy dont, for the sake of keeping her drowsy, i discovered that the best thing was to get the feed and any activity finished asap as they settle a lot better if you can finish al that in 50min or so. Our feeds were taking realy long as i was nursing and topping up and then settling became a bit of a problem.

Hope that helps a bit. Is there anyone who can help with dd1 a bit or someone who can give the babies bottle so you can be with dd1?

It's hard so be gentle with yourself and just enjoy having dh at home without worrying about when he goes back to work, you will find your way a day at a time
Xxx

[Eva's Mummy]

Thanks honey, you forget just how hard it is. I think having 1 nap in our room in a great idea so DD1 can have some mummy alone time. I just look at her and she is so small it seems a shame to put her in another room but she will probably nap better without all the noise.

She was only 5lbs 5oz and after a week she is 5lbs 4oz, hopefully that will creep up soon. I was planning on getting a sling but not to sure if she is too small for one yet.

I will do as you suggest and just follow her lead and let her eat and sleep when she likes for now, I guess it wont be long till that all changes anyway.

DH is going to golf tomorrow so I will be on my own with them both and the 2 dogs from 10-4 so that will be my first big challenge.

We don't really have any family so unfortunately no help.

[kayra]

Yes one does forget-thankfully i guess
Her weight is simillar to my dds, she dropped a fair bit initally but then regained her both weight by a couple of weeks i think, just watch for wet diapers.

If you have a wrap or ring kind of sling she should be fine in it, in fact it could be good for dd1 to see that the baby can be on you and you can still tend to her..?

Very kind of you to let your dh go and play golf, i dont think i would have been that nice you'll be fine i'm sure

Sorry to hear you dont have help, all the more reason to take it easy, order food etc.
Xx

[Eva's Mummy]

I wouldn't say LET my dh go to golf, I did say I would rather he didn't leave me with both so soon, but he still went.

So I have gotten through the morning, DD2 woke just as DD1 was due her lunch so I fed DD2 first  and changed her then just held her as I sat with DD1 while she ate her soup, except that she wouldn't eat it. I assume because DD2 was there so i'll make her something else later.

Thankfully DD1 fell asleep so I out her down then took DD1 up for her nap, she played up a bit but is sound asleep now. Unfortunately they are both due to wake around the same time again.

I was also hoping for a nap but I am waiting on the midwife coming round, it was supposed to be this morning but she is running late, typical

[goldmom]

Just wanted to add that for us, we keep DS2 in a pac 'n play in our play area for all his naps (that aren't in a sling). We also kept him there for the first part of his night, and moved him into our room when we went to sleep. I only started doing a formal BT and keeping him in our room for his entire night starting at around 5-6 weeks or so. This way he was near us and I could get to him right away when he needed help or woke up. At this young age, they can still sleep through the noise (for the most part). Just try to keep your DD1 from getting too close and touching the baby while she's sleeping and she should be fine for the first few weeks.

What I found helps the bigger ones is letting them hold (with assistance!) the new baby and plenty of time for "making nice", so that they get used to the new baby quicker.

You're still in the early days, and it does get easier!

[kayra]

Boo to your dh! And boo to the midwife, were you able to have a nap? Its so frustrating when you could nap but cant! How are you doing?
Xx

[violagal]

Hello! I'm in a similar situation slightly ahead of you - DS1 is 23 months and DS2 is 8 weeks. It is hard and I'm continually torn from feeling guilty that DS1 is no longer the centre of my world and DS2 doesn't get all the attention DS1 had as a baby!
I'm lucky as we have childcare for DS1 3 days a week so I only have to manage 2 days with them both. In the first few weeks it was actually easier as although feeding took an hour he was asleep literally the rest of the time. Now I try to feed DS2 when DS1 is eating so breakfast, morning snack around 10-10.30, lunch around 1, afternoon snack around 3.30, dinner at 5ish. I've found it keeps DS1 from getting too annoyed and shouting things like 'mumma put bubba down' !
Also i will now resort to peppa pig or similar during a feed if things are getting too difficult or a game on the iPad so that when I am not feeding the baby I can actually interact with DS1. He also likes 'playing' with DS2 during A time by either rattling the baby gym or pretending to read books or sing nursery rhymes etc.
Also if the morning has gone to pot I will stick them both in the double buggy at 12 and just get out of the house, they both fall asleep and I go and treat myself to a nice coffee and sandwich
Regarding the sling I have a Kari me and used it from day 1 - very good option for taking older one to the swings etc

[Eva's Mummy]

I'm continually torn from feeling guilty that DS1 is no longer the centre of my world and DS2 doesn't get all the attention DS1 had as a baby

This^

I feel so bad all the time, DD1 is clearly struggling with it all and as much as she gets lots of attention I feel like I have turned her world upside down. I actually feel really guilty as if DD1 wasn't enough for me, but of course she was she is my world. She's gone from having 2.5hrs naps to 20min naps and being shattered at night and she is not eating much at all, if I have DD2 in my arms feeding her DD1 will not eat at all!

I don't actually have a double buggy wasn't sure if it would be worth it or not, and not very sure DD1 would want to go in it. Does yours lie totally flat for the baby like a pram at 1 side and a buggy at the other?

I haven't even sussed out how to sort them at BT when DD1 is due to go to bed and DD2 wakes for a feed and I am home alone 

Kayra I have no idea how you manage with twins (well done you) x

[kayra]

hugs Gail, DD1 is so young herself, she's bound to struggle. And I totally get the guilt, I have it too, but in the long run she's going to be so blessed to have her little sister.
I'm worried that you don't have any help Is DH not around in the evenings?
bedtimes are difficult, can you read a bt story to DD1 while nursing DD2? Do you think she'd enjoy 'helping' like bringing a nappie or something, getting involved. Would she enjoy being 'mummy' to a dolly she had, I remember my mum saying how my sister (23mths older than me) would 'nurse' her dolly while my mum nursed me...just trying to think of ways to help DD1.....Can you talk about it with her or is she too young to understand?
Be gentle to yourself, it's all very new for everyone, first 6 weeks your hormones are all over the place, it will pass. I remember the trapped feeling and the dread of hearing a baby cry, but it will pass, it will get better.xxxxxx