3mo, short naps, terrible mess

[-Maya-]

My lo has never slept more than half 30/45 min in naps. Now that he's 3.5mo I am trying to teach him to extend naps. I have started at the beginning of this week, and it's very hard and I am losing hope. I have almost no time for me and whuoe doing this training I am also locked at home, so my mood is very low. Will he ever become an indeoendend sleeper?

I have three issues: first paci, second sometimes he screams like hell when I put him in his crib, third extending his naps.
He's not an independent sleeper, I need to keep my hand on his chest and a paci in his mouth in order to allow him to sleep.

First of all, he seems to like his paci, but he is not able (not willing?) to keep the paci in his mouth. I need to gently keep it in his mouth otherwise he lets it drop. If the paci drops when he's not full asleep he starts sucking his fists, rubbing his eyes and slamming his legs on the mattress awakening himself. He seems to get angry when sucking his fists, while the paci calms him down almost immediately. What did I do wrong with the paci?

Then sometimes he screams when I put him in his crib. He always sleeps in the crib when at home, both for naps and during the night. He sometimes plays into his crib and I never tried CIO. I did the quiz and my lo is a textbook baby. I agree with the result because understanding his cues is pretty easy. But not for these screams. When screaming this way usually at some point he accepts the paci and starts to calm down. I double check everything (pain? Discomfort? Wet?) but everything is all right. When I pick him up, he eventually stops crying with shush-pat, and buries his head in my shoulder. But putting him down triggers screams. Why is doing this? What can I do? It's very hard listening to his cries feeling not able to calm him down...

And on top of these, extending his naps. He wakes up after 30 or 45 min, so I am trying to be there when he stirs. When I put the pacifier in his mouth he stops stirring and calms down, even if I have to keep the paci in his mouth for 10 or 20 min before he falls asleep again. And sometimes he does not fall asleep again at all.
When I do not insert the paci, he sucks his fists and rubs his eyes until he wakes up himself. What should I do better than this to make him learn to fall again asleep?

Thank you for any help and sorry for the long post

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs, it's a tough age. How long is he awake before your trying for a nap Hun?
For 3-6 month olds 30-45 min naps are common. If your finding resettling stressful then you can just get him up and offer more naps (4 throughout the day with slightly shorter A times) or some mums find extending just the first nap then playing the rest of the day by ear.

Is he swaddled? Any health issues ie reflux?

[-Maya-]

Thanks for your answer, I read it just now!!!
I am trying to stick to A time no longer than 1h30, that means putting him in bed after 1h or 1h10 since wake up. Usually he's already yawning at that time. At the moment I am trying to extend just first and second naps of the day. I succeded mainly in second one. I got some success only when I moved to FF some of his feeds. It's a pity that BF only does no longer work for us, many reasons made me take this decision, but as a side effect there are some longer naps.

[-Maya-]

Forgot some answers: he's not swaddled and he has no known reflux.

[ZacsMumme]

It's great your able to of extend some naps. you may find he's jolting awake, have you ever snuck in around 28 mins to see how he wakes? Sometimes it can help you know what to do to extend naps. Ie my first jolted so I did httj and he then would sleep the full 1.5 hrs (zip had to help for 15 mins in the middle with the jolts but it was worth it) some people find w2s helpful too. Your A times look ok. You could try a slightly longer first A and see if it helps

[-Maya-]

Thanks for your answers!
Now I am able to extend his naps consistently, but I see no improvements. My lo always wake up after 30 min: he does not jolt, he just start to rub his eyes and to flail legs until he's awake (he's not swaddled). Will become better at some point?
Last issue is that sometimes he screams a lot when I put him in the crib. Everyone keeps saying that I must not push him to sleep because "he does not want to". But I see him tired and those screams happen mostly in naps not at bt. I always assume that he does not want to sleep because he has too many things to discover, but I wonder if I am right...
I am worried that he may start to hate his crib or to hate his naps

[ZacsMumme]

Some babies just cry more than other really my first cried a lot more then my second when he was tired, OS, hungry etc. sometimes they cry because they are tired but can't sleep

How do you settle him when he is crying before a nap?

The 30 min thing is developmental probably. They don't know how to transition from one sleep cycle to the next and need our help will he take a longer nap in the car, stroller or wrap?

[-Maya-]

Well, sometimes. Now I see some improvements, or at least he was able to sleep all by himself for two hours in his crib and sometimes he sleeps for 1h to 2h in his stroller, so something is changing!
I think I will continue in extending first and sometimes second nap of the day hoping for other improvements!
Usually when he cries a lot I try to shush pat, or when things are really bad I pick him up. But the easiest way to calm him is putting the paci in his mouth at the right time. I am so sorry about the use of the paci but I feel bad when he cries so much!

[ZacsMumme]

I think your doing a great job, I certainly would be doing the same thing