Author Topic: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?  (Read 1243 times)

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Offline Rosiemummy

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Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« on: September 21, 2014, 15:45:04 pm »
Is this normal?

My 14 week old baby is spirited/textbook according to the questionnaire. She also has silent reflux which we are trying to get under control with Omeprazole. We are coming under fire from friends and family who say our daughters behaviour/ how we are adapting to our perception of her needs, is not normal.

I agree that our current schedule is pretty crazy but had assumed this is the way it is with spirited babies who have silent reflux in order for them to sleep. What do you think?

- She has never really napped when out and about in either the buggy or the car seat. She prefers to watch what's going on.

Consequently if we went out she would become overwhelmed with all the stimulation then wouldn't be able to switch off to nap later and would get very upset.

- she stopped sleeping lying down during the day at a few weeks old I guess due to reflux so hàs had sling naps since

- Sling naps helped initially with sleeping on the go but now she prefers to sleep in quiet surroundings ie. in silence or if there are noises inside or outside, in a room with white noise. So if we take her out when she's fallen asleep she will wake up. If we're out when she needs to sleep , she can't and will be OT and OS.

-If she has had more than average stimulation during A time, she also needs to sleep in a dark room. So if we have visitors over, I have to stand in a dark room with white noise on for her to take her naps. (She'll only sleep with me standing up, but that's another story! Guessing position affects her reflux.)

-Her ideal A time at just about 3 months is 1 hour with wind down from 45 mins. I tried extending this gradually to 1 hour 20 but this made her OT-resisting sleep etc. In the sling she sleeps for 1-2 hours 3x day and a late afternoon catnap. Her feed and nappy change takes roughly 15 mins, leaving 30 min A time.

-She gets distracted during feeds if there are visitors or talking, so if people are over I need to go into a different room.

People despair of coming over because we don't know when her A times will be (some days can't get her back to sleep after 5.30am, other days sleeps Til 7 so her naps change accordingly) and as she is sleeping on me and needs dark and silence I can't talk to visitors for 2 hrs out of every 2 1/2 hours they are over. Which sucks for everyone!

-It takes 15 mins to travel from where we live to the nearest town, friend or relative so there basically isn't enough A time to get out and back without making her OT. Also her carseat affects her reflux anyway so driving is not a good idea. All my friends have young noisy children so it's impossible to get her to sleep at their houses.

-I also can't talk on the phone when LO's asleep as it wakes her, even if I do it when I think she's in a deep sleep. Phoning during feeds is also a no no as it is a big distraction for her and already I don't think she feeds enough in the day, contributing to NWs.

- She wakes every 1-2 hrs through the night and will only settle with being fed. I am hoping this will improve with treatment of her reflux. I would love if this improved her daytime sleep habits and tendency towards OT

My husband is wonderful and is doing all the cooking and chores as well as FT job. We are both exhausted and suffering from this restriction in our lifestyle and we can barely chat to each other when LO's asleep. When she's awake we like to be upbeat and not talk about difficulties as we know babies can pick up on this sort of thing. But then that's hard as I have no real outlet. Still we are strong and positive (well, some of the time!) and believe all this is worth it as it will be a short period in the grand scheme of things and we believe it's really important for our daughter to get the rest she needs...i can't bare to see her distressed through OT as she's impossible to wind down from that level of distress, I feel guilty as I know I could have prevented it, and the NWs are even worse.

So hubbie and I agree we have to do this but what's really hard is the censure from others who can't comprehend our situation. It's understandable but doesn't help bolster our confidence when we are already sleep deprived and a bit stressed!

So are we bonkers or do the radical restrictions we have put on our lives something others can identify with?

Thank you in anticipation.

« Last Edit: September 21, 2014, 15:48:50 pm by Rosiemummy »

Offline michaeljacknnugg

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2014, 20:00:54 pm »
I can understand where you're coming from - I'm guessing you felt similarly to me about your baby getting enough day sleep to ensure a decent night for you all. Totally normal.

I think where others are worried for you is that this lifestyle is barely sustainable. You need to have adult company, talk to your husband and be honest about your feelings. Yes it may mean that she is more unsettled for a while, but at the end of the day she needs happy parents more than she needs a perfect routine.

We can help with pretty much anything routine-related if you need it!
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Offline Shiv52

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2014, 20:07:09 pm »
Honestly I would relax the restrictions.  You need to get out and see people. You need to beable to talk to people and your LO does need to learnt to cope with being out and about.   Mine were both mega spirited so a blanket over the pram stopped them being able to see out and they went to sleep.  I wouldn't suggest getting out every day but even start with every three days or four.

I suspect once the reflux is under control things will get a lot better as you can work on getting her down for naps. Do you feel it is under control with the omeperazole?

Hugs xxx





Offline *Liz*

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2014, 20:28:16 pm »
Whilst I get what you are doing and why, I simply couldn't live like that  :-\. I just couldn't stand in a room with white noise for 2 hrs while my LO naps in a sling.

For me it would have a very negative affect on my mental health  :(. I need the outside world, I need my friends, I need to speak to people.

Both of my children were refluxers. My first was the worst, DD was diagnosed earlier and so ended up being better overall. She pretty much outgrew at 9 mths but DS was closer to 18 months. 9 or 18 months is a very long time when you are living it, even if in retrospect it feels very short.

I (in retrospect) caused myself a lot of stress and upset thinking if I did 'better' in the day, the magic night time sleep would come and then everything would be OK again. I would be well rested and everything would be OK again. Truth be told little worked, little helped, their nights were rubbish because they had reflux and even with meds that takes some time to settle because it is mainly down to gut immaturity. Both my kids were still waking every 1-2 hrs at 8/9 months (it did get better rapidly after that).

What I should of done was let people help me. Let my DH do a full night shift so I could sleep, leave the baby with a grandparent for a night so I could sleep, went out for the day and left it all behind  ;).

Whilst baby sleep is important, I don't believe it is more important than you or your DH for anything other than a very short period of time.

(((Hugs))) :-*

Offline Shiv52

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2014, 20:37:52 pm »

What I should of done was let people help me. Let my DH do a full night shift so I could sleep, leave the baby with a grandparent for a night so I could sleep, went out for the day and left it all behind  ;).


Totally this. When my family visited I BF then headed to the shower or to bed for a nap and left them to it. Or let them hold the screaming baby while I made a cuppa.

Liz makes a really good point about the reflux and sleep.






Offline Rosiemummy

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2014, 10:34:06 am »
Thanks for the reality check! Hmm, this might go on for. 8/9 months? Oh no! Definitely can't keep this up that long! It's only been a couple of weeks that it's been this bad, which is totally doable. Spoke to Gp today who has upped the medication dose as her symptoms are still pretty bad.

I had stupidly imagined her night sleep would dramatically improve on meds and my plan was to resume life as normal once I've had more sleep, thinking it might be a week or two max. Top of the list for ST thereafter is cot naps, and I assume once she's comfortable lying flat pram naps might follow if I'm lucky.

Previously we were doing classes and groups, lunch out etc. But Tbh when I've only had up to an hours consecutive sleep per night I don't feel too much like socialising! And having screaming baby in tow nullifies any enjoyment of it anyway.
The current weird schedule we have actually suits me as I get Y time when LO sleeps. When it's just me at home I don't need white noise or darkness for her to sleep, I can get on with cleaning, sorting laundry, watch a film , read a book - all good downtime when you're feeling shattered.

My problem is anything nice socially for me means no S time for my daughter and then no Y time for me as I have to leave wherever I am to sort out screaming. Then this goes on for the rest of the day and much of the night. DH and I don't recognise our baby in this state, she is in a frenzy, super jerky, doesn't respond to us and it's frankly scary.

Right now I'm so tired I just want an easy life! As I feel I just can't cope with the nights when I've been dealing with a crying baby all day. If I do what I describe, LO doesn't really cry at all during the day which makes for a more relaxed mummy who can cope with Rosie crying sometimes every 15 mins through the night (if I hold her upright at night she doesn't cry then either but I can't do that). But Liz, you're right, however 'good' our day is, the nights are still rubbish. I think I was still chasing that 'magic' fantasy that you described.

Thank you for your advice to let others help more. I felt I didn't want to burden people. Noones offering or able to do the sling naps but even 30 min A time break would be a start.

Now another question. I'd so love to have a night off but LO has never taken a bottle. Tried a few times in first 6 weeks with no success. Is it possible she would now? I assumed 14 weeks was too late. I also thought it was mean to make her try right now when she's in pain and needs a little extra comfort. Maybe I'm too soft?! When DH goes to her in the night nothing he does will console her and she will cry continually until he gives her to me to nurse.  Wish I'd read BW sooner and started as I meant to go on......wouldn't Tracy have despaired at what I'm doing! I just never imagined the scenario I'm now in.

But there we are. Thank you everyone for your time, support and advice :-)

Offline Kristin.S

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2014, 17:11:57 pm »
Hi Rosiemummy!
I wanted to add in a couple extra thoughts as a mom of a 6month old who also has silent reflux. I'm so sorry you've had such a tough go of things...sounds like it's been really hard. It's amazing what we are willing to do the help ease the discomfort of our LOs, right!? First, know that it will get better. My LO is now 6mos and his reflux is much better (he's been on Axid reflux medicine since he was 3wks old, which helped a lot). It was really hard to get him on a schedule because I was always worried about him getting enough to eat and he couldn't go very long between feedings because sometimes he could only eat for 3-4min. Once he was 3months I started him on 3hr EASY and things got so much better. Just knowing his set times for eating and napping made a huge difference (prior to that, we were doing the same thing as you and his naps were all over the place so I couldn't plan anything, which drove me crazy!). Most babies outgrow reflux btwn 6-8 months. Be patient and know it might take a little longer for some things, like getting on a schedule. Second, don't worry about what's normal or what others say. Every baby is different and it doesn't really matter what others think you should do. What matters is what works for you and your DH, and it sounds like you all need a break! Like the other post suggestions, I'd find someone to help- a family member or friend, or even a part time nanny or hired help for a bit, whether it's during A time or any other time. I'd keep trying with the bottle too (have your DH or someone else try, as they sometimes won't take it from mom; also leave the room or the house so you don't interfere...if she sees you, she'll want the real thing instead!).  For me, I didn't realize until pretty late that I had a very fast let down, esp on the right side, and it exacerbated his reflux. His reflux was actually a bit better with the bottle (know that often a bottle can make it worse). I also agree with the others that it's important to get out and about, every couple days or whatever works for you, so she does get used to outside stimulation. Going for walks always helped my LO. Third, be careful of being a prop and creating a dependency on you and the sling to sleep. My biggest reco would be to get her sleeping in her crib consistently so you can have some good Y time. Lastly, a couple things that worked for us: we propped up one end of the crib so that he slept at a slant (use books under the legs or roll blankets/towels under the mattress). Not sure that us helped tremendously, but we think it was better than lying flat. Ultimately we ended up putting him to sleep on his tummy, which I know is a big no-no, but he honestly slept so much better that way. Especially for reflux babies, the pressure on their tummy can really make them feel better. That worked for us. Also, there are several different kinds of reflux medicine,so if the one she is on doesn't work, push your doc to try another kind. We also give our LO simethicone gas drops at regular intervals, which helps a lot with gas. We had a hard time figuring out if it was gas or reflux sometimes, so we covered our bases with both. I've also heard that people have had luck with gripe water, esp for colicky babies where reflux meds don't help. I haven't used that but you may give it a shot. Hope some of this helps and good luck!!  Kristin

Offline Rosiemummy

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2014, 18:24:41 pm »
Thanks Kristin, that's amazing!

How lucky I am to have discovered this wonderful forum with support and tips from all you lovely ladies.

I feel so much more positive and purposeful today as I have so many things to try. DH mànged to get Rosie to sleep for 2 hrs on him (a record!) today giving me a nice solid block of sleep which has helped too . I can tell DH is a little more relaxed because he can see me happy, and that makes me happy too.

Feeling blessed to have had all this uninterrupted cuddle time with LO but now looking forward to the next phase of putting your tips into action!

Xxx


Offline *Liz*

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Re: Life on hold for naps-are we mad?
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2014, 19:11:06 pm »
Certainly isn't too late to introduce a bottle - just takes some time and patience and commitment to keep trying once a day (and keep doing regularly once they have accepted it). It isn't easy at this age, but possible  ;). My DS accepted a bottle at 6 mths and DD 8.5 mths.

My DD was a tummy sleeper in the end as well, and overall I think she recovered faster because I worked out what was wrong faster and got her on the right meds quicker. The wind was less of an issue after perhaps 4 mths or so, reflux started to decrease after 6 mths, but I def had some issues with habit created night feeds.

(((hugs)))