New behaviour after illness

[newkidontheblock]

Okay, I think we have cracked it. On days that she has 3.5 hours of sleep, she sleeps fine! So I need to do one 2 hour nap at least for a while! God, you guys must think I am a loon. I have pretty much been talking to myself here! Sorry for the crazies.

Any ideas on how I can get her to resettle herself?

[jessmum46]

What are you doing to resettle?  Does she wake fully with a proper 'I need you' cry?  Any chance you're rushing in a bit too soon?  Otherwise it may well be her A time is just a fraction too long and maybe 5-10 mins less would help?

[Martini~]

I am just saying that I agree with you Fleur. On the days she sleeps more than 3h, she seems to have less NW.
BTW - I wouldn't count SS NW as a proper one. We have/had many of them in some periods of DS life and no matter what kind of routine we had. The ones where you have to get up and help/feed - that's a proper NW   in my opinion.

[newkidontheblock]

Big thanks to both of you for letting me bounce these ideas around. Ugh, Katherine, as to resettling for naps -- We generally had to PU/PD - now I am using that acronym but basically what I mean is that end up comforting her on our shoulder and then putting back down when drowsy or when she has stopped crying. We do not follow Tracy's concept of holding for x number of minutes. Couldn't stand letting her cry for so long. But with the 3-2 happening and us needing 2 good naps as there usually isn't enough time for a CN, we have been sitting in the room. Sometimes she wakes up and self settles in the morning nap. Otherwise as soon as she whimpers or with the first wail, we put a hand on her and pat her shoulder lightly. With the afternoon nap, I tend to put a hand on her before time and she usually just stays asleep.

If you remember, around 4 months, she was resettling with just verbal reassurance and a hand briefly on her. I can't get why it doesn't work anymore. Even for night wakings, we end up having to pick up.

[jessmum46]

I wonder if you've got a bit of a prop?  As in, I wonder if you may have been intervening a little too much, when she didn't *really* need you?  Can you try backing off a bit, let her tell you if she needs you?  I realise this may mean some bad naps but really, you can't stay in her room forever every time she naps.....

[newkidontheblock]

I agree. I initially started this just to get the 2 naps happening as we were getting so many night wakings. And I wasn't doing anything else anyway except waiting for her to wake up :S It started with me going in at around 35 minutes and just patting her back to sleep and then again 34 minutes later.
But then I found that for the afternoon nap, she would be up 10 minutes later if I didn't stick around.
It is also quite painful as I have to crouch down -- she wakes up completely if she sees me:S:S:S:S

Naps have just never fallen into place here. And I don't know how to react as she wakes up crying so so loudly and it keeps going at that level. I feel that by now I should be able to stroke her hair or something and comfort her but at that time, it is as if she doesn't even know us. I have heard her mantra cry during sling naps but even if she does that here, she inevitably resumes crying a short while later. With tears!

[jessmum46]

The crying WUs here would have always been either OT, or just UT enough that LO was still tired but unable to transition.  The other possibility is not knowing how to transition between sleep cycles but I think she does sometimes do it?  Possibly still some residual OT hanging around from the 3-2 transition?  I know her naps are a good length but if they are all broken/needing resettling perhaps they are not as restorative as fully settled ones?

[newkidontheblock]

I think you are exactly right, Katherine. It isn't that she need more than 3 hours day sleep. It is that she needs it unbroken. Right now those times include resettling. For the past 2 days, I have put this theory to the test and I think we nailed it:) I now want to seriously work on lengthening naps. I know that she can transition and do a long morning nap. Afternoon has always been iffy - usually 40 minutes with no chance of a resettle. At least nowadays I can resettle it.

So my new theory is that she needs more A time. I noticed that for the morning nap, I was resettling her at 50 mins or 1 hour, which means UT. So today I did 3.10 A and she slept for 1.15 hrs at which point I patted her back to sleep and woke her up at the 2 hour mark! I will hold at this time for a few days but maybe she needs more for a proper 1.5 hour nap. I did 3 hours for the afternoon nap and as usual she was up in 35 minutes. For once she looked like she would resettle herself but the silly dog started barking and that was that.

I know I should take a step back and accept bad naps. It is just that I REALLY enjoy *my* time after she goes to bed at 7. All day I do what needs to be done, waiting to clock out at that magic hour. And that is why it was so unsettling when she started with these NWs. Right now I feel that okay she is going to sleep independently with no props whatsoever, I am working towards her doing a proper morning nap at least without help resettling and if I have to help with her afternoon one, so be it. At least she is finally letting me pat her back to sleep in the crib itself. Although I am guilty of letting her sleep on me when I can't resettle in the crib. The A times are so long now that there is just no chance of a catnap anymore and I constantly mess up EBT.

Today's EASY
WU - 7.10
A- 3.10
S - 10.20 - 12.30 (with resettle at 1.15 without crying but took a long time to go into deep sleep)
A- 3.08
S - 3.40 - 5 ( 30ish in crib - rest in arms)
BT - 7

Do you think there is any hope of her ever sleeping through for the afternoon nap? I am positive that with the right times, the morning one will fall into place.