15 weeks and I don't know where to begin.

[HlTaylor]

Our DS is now 15 weeks old and I don't know where to begin. I read Tracy's book before he was born and it made a lot of sense to me. As first time parents when we brought our angel baby home it was lovely and very romantic. He only slept ant ate for the first month and I didn't follow the plan. It was so nice to hold him all the time. Haha. Around six weeks he became more aware, and we have found that we have a touchy baby. He doesn't nap.   He sleeps well at night in a bassinet in our room. By two minths I was getting a consistent 6 and 3 hour chunk at night. I began to have problems getting him to nap in his crib. And soon we had an overtired/overstimulated baby who would start to wail if you even started to do all of our now bad habits to start the napping process. rocking, shushing. I thoght I was putting him in the crib sleepy and at least forming that good habit, but i now realize that he may have been too sleepy. Two weeks ago  I was really  started focusing on trying to get him to nap in his crib to no avail. I just needed him to nap some. And we got into a bad habit of him sleeping on me. I felt like a prizoner. But otherwise there were no naps at all. With this change I was getting 4 hours a day of naps in, but nothing for me. And the night sleep went out window with the night usually ending with three hours of tring to get him to sleep and lots of crying and screaming. I had to reboot. And following the accidental parenting chapter I decided to take two steps back and look at what did work, and where I could build the schedule around. He had been consistently waking up at 7 am. So I thought that was a good place to start. I decide I would start with the easiest thing to control and  add more structure to our feeding schedule. We had a regular 3 hr schedule in the past but on demand so not necessarily at the same time every day.  In trying to reclaim our night sleep I went back to our old routine,where I used to nurse him to sleep,  added a bath time ritual. He doesn't actually fall asleep nursing any more at night. But when he is done he wants a paci and falls asleep on his own, no rocking. Just on his side on the nursing pillow.  he has sleep for 10 hours the last three nights.  But he is no longer getting up at 7 he is getting up at 5:30. So I would like to push back the bed time routine. I believe this is happening in part because he doesn't nap well durring the day no more than 45 min but sometimes not at all, especially in the evening. And where that 45 minuet, end of the day cat nap should be turns into early bath time, because I don't want him to get too far gone, or he will never go down. I don't know what to do about the schedule when it is throw off by that much.

I also decided that I would work on him falling asleep ion his own. So I moved the whole thing back to the bassinet for the consistency  of place but it makes the nap routine seem awkward, as the changing table and chair, and books,and blinds, are all in his room. I feel like he is getting better at it. I just don't know with so many pieces where to start or how to proceed. Today has been all thrown off by the early wake up. He was up at 5:30. Fed. Fell asleep on his own at 6:30. Was up again at 7:30.  Moved the feeding up to 9 from 10. Short nap 10-10:30. Fell asleep when dad gave him a bottle. But did't eat much. Slept in lap from 12:15 to 1. He woke up cranky, since he slept thru his last feeding. So I thought I would get back on the schedule and feed him at 1. He fell asleep again.  I don't intend to nurse him to sleep, but if he falls asleep I don't want to wake him either. Generally if I transfer him to the bassinet or crib he wakes up.

 Where would you start? I feel like at his point we are all in need of the schedule. My husband and I used to be on the go kinds of people, now I feel like it is very stressful to go anywhere, because I can't trust that he will get a nap in before hand.  There have been days where  all I did was try and get him to fall asleep. That is taxing, on both of us and doesn't allow for fun and growth. I have looked thru our sleep/eat log and I can't find the pattern.  We have been living by the try to get him down within two hours of waking, and eating every three hours. It just seems like a giant puzzle I don't have the photo too.

[jessmum46]

Hi and hugs, honestly the first few months of a baby's life are so tough, nobody really understands until they are going through it! 

Is he managing to self-settle for some naps yet or are you generally shh-patting to sleep when he's in the bassinet?

Could you keep a log for a couple of days of what happens and when, when he eats, when you try for sleeps, how long he sleeps for etc and then post it here for us to look at?  One of the things that will help you start to develop a predictable routine is learning what A times suit your LO and keeping a log may help with that.  We may be able to spot something obvious e.g. Trying for naps far too late which might be making things tricky for you.  I notice you say you try to get him down within two hours of waking.....that may be too late as 2h is an appropriate A time for a well-rested average 4-5 month old.  After a disturbed night or a short nap A times are often much shorter.  But if you can post a couple of days here I'm happy to take a look

[HlTaylor]

 So in the days after my original post, I noticed that his feeding times had dropped off. So I began to use a 3 1/2 hour schedule.  And the feeding picked up. Around the same time your post arrived I also received a copy of  The Baby Whisper Solves All Your Problems. We are in a very similar situation  as the case study on Page 231, outlining getting on a four hour easy routine.   LO is now 4months.  I will say that we generally don't have a problem with the night time sleep. Once I feed him at bed time  he is generally  a good night time sleeper. Occasionally  I have a hard time getting him back to sleep, but not very often.  I have made a few adjustments to better suit my LO, one of them being  we are starting at 7:30.  Mostly because my DS usually starts yawning at about 45 minutes after waking to start the day, So I usually have started our nap ritual  by 1 hour. I didn't want to start  with such a big leap in time. i think our initial problemis that I have been trying to follow the guidelines of the plan, but since we have a bad napper I Have always been making adjustments to our daily routine, because i didn't want to keep him up longer than he can stand, so we developed the catnapper. I was consistently getting 45 min. naps and a LO that would  constantly fall asleep nursing, and not get a full Meal.   I also started with Day 4 because  I  had already implemented the 3.5 schedule, and I didn't want to reinforce the snacker for longer than necessary.    I noticed on the 3.5 hr schedule that his nursing times were improving, they have sloughed off again since starting  day 4 of  schedule on pg 230. But I expect it will improve once we get  a little further in and the feedings get to be further apart. I can say that we have gotten away from him sleeping on me and that is great. But we still have a pacifier that he seems adamant to keep as part of our ritual.  He lets go after he falls asleep  so it is not so worrisome.    I also took the Quiz  and found that I have equal Parts easy  and Spirited baby.

 The first day of  our new regiment was not too bad.

W&E 7:30
P/S began 8:22
S@8:45-9:30
E 10:15
12:12
S@12:50-1:15
E 1:15
S 240, i put him down and let him alone he fell asleep with mild Mantra  grumbling I was amazed 2:55-3:21 Pu/Pd untill 4:06
E 4:20
S 5:35-5:55 Pu/Pd 3 times
E 7:20
S PD 7:77 S@ 8:05 W@ 8:35 PU/Pd S@ 8:45 ( the timing of bath and feeding took a little longer that expected.  We bathe first, as he gets excited and needs the feeding time to relax
DF@11:30
NW 4:45
S 5:10

was he just telling me all along to put him down

Some where along the way I miss read PU/PD and I left the Room, always coming back immediately,  BOO.  At this point I am creating a new problem.  I remembered reading somewhere "when you come Back". My husband read  it too,  and we just, in the throws of doing it all missed the note that said don't leave.  At this point I had also taken away the Pacifier.

Day 2

Day 2
W&E 7:30
S 8:50 Pu/Pd 4 times S@8:55-9:25 Pu/Pd S@9:48-10:23
E 10:30
S Pd@12:15 S 12:20-12:50 no fuss Pu/Pd till  feeding time
E 1:30
S Pd@2:50 S@3-3:20 Pu/Pd stopped 4:05
E 4:20
S pd 5:33 s@5:40-6:00
S Pu/Pd starts 7:25 S@8:15 woke @ 10 SP -10:20 Dreamfeed @12 slept till 7.

Day 3
W&E 7:00 stuck to the schedule instead of adjusting too early waking terrible naps all day
S pd@8:45 S @8:50-9:20 Pu/Pd till 10 no luck
E10:15
S pd 12:10 S@12:15-12:35 Pu/pd till 1
E1:15
S Pd @2:48 S@3:00-3:24 Pu/Pd till 4:05
E4:15
S 5:30-6
E 7
S pd@7:30 Pu/Pd till S@8:15 woke 10:46 treated as night feeding/dream feed
S@11-3:20 Feed (full feed)
S@3:45-7:30
 
troubled by not reclaiming any of the naps I re read the chapter and found our Mistake while my husband was on duty in  the end of our 2: 45 nap.   Oh boy did I feel bad,  for the cat nap we went for a stroll. I needed the distance and to re charge.  We PU/Pd for bed time without leaving but LO had a scratchy voice  by the end of the day.  He seems to go very quickly to the angry sounding cry/ usually while arching.  Decided to  go back to SP.

Day 4

W&E 7:30
S pd@ 8:50  SP NO Nap
E 10:30 fell asleep not a full meal.  Woke and kept up till
S 12;20 SP  S@ 12:48-1:00  10 min nap
E 2 15 short meal
S pd 2:45 SP S@ 2;55-3:18 SP till 3:45
E 4:15
S pd 5:15 SP S@5:27-5:55
E 7
S bed time with SP and Paci
DF 11
W 3;20 full feed 
S @4-7

 he woke prematurely for noise, so I continued on with the previous schedule as not to overtire with the shift in schedule.  I feel like some of the night feeding is making up for being so sleepy during feeding times during the day.  This is not his norm. He will  semi-regularly sleep 10 hrs without the dreamfeed.  Or we are having a growth spurt. But his day time eating does not reflect that.

Day 5  all SP with Paci

 W7
E 7:30 light meal
S pd@8:30 Sp  S@9-930 sp till10
E10:15 so sleepy
S pd @12 S@12:07-12:35 sp till 110
E 130
S pd @ 240  so tired sp S@3:10-3:45 sp S@ 3:55-4:25 when i coachedhim thru this nap he fell asleep 5 times but would wake if i stopped shhh      for more that a few min.  but the 4:30 feed was much improved.
E 4:30
S pd @5:30   sp didn't sleep more that 5-10 min. stopped at 6
E 7:20
S 7:35 woke 7:50 S @8:05.

  The hard part about SP is that  he wants to fiddle with my fingers, or hold my hand, and that is just another prop. He also lets out the angry cry after a few minutes of mantra for the Pacifier. Usually falls asleep pretty quickly but, I can't reclaim the nap.  I can't just leave my hand on him because he fiddles with it.  I have not been swaddling him because  I am constantly finding his face surrounded by blanket, as he sucks on his hands. I tried for a long time just doing one  but I still had to same issue.  I have seen him put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night by sucking on his hands, so I don't want to take them away.

I feel like there is improvement in that he wants to sleep in general, but not  for very long. I am hoping the shift in schedule will help with this issue.  I am not sure which method to use, we were making progress, just leaving him  to fall asleep. But after that one long day of Bad PU/PD to reclaim the nap, his Mantra becomes, angry  pretty quickly. I feel like my presence is a distraction.  I attended all of the naps today, hoping i could help him transition sleep cycles, but when he finds me there he just looks up an smiles, and then tries to fiddle with my fingers. and put my hand in his mouth. He isn't giving me any other signals that he is hungry.   Do you think he is having issues transitioning? or is it just catnapping, and the schedule will help? Should I let him have the pacifier?    H ow long of being present will help repair the abandonment, and let us get back to him to falling asleep on his own.  When I  do just put him down am i supposed to stay or just come back if he calls?    It also seems like  the dreamfeed  has changed his Bm's  they are Earlier, and  a couple of times in  the very early morning, which is usually mid morning.  he has one or two a day.  I also know that  we are in a pretty serious set of wonder weeks, he is trying new things everyday and showing me something new.

 I plan to move on to  days 8-11 schedule tomorrow I hope we are ready.

I am glad to know  that even on the bad days he teaches me something new.


Thanks, for all of the insight, it really helps. As many times as I ready it  I am always questioning if I am remembering it correctly.  When I read this section of  the book it gave me so much hope and confidence to move forward. 

H















 
   

[jessmum46]

A few things - many breastfed babies will not manage to go to a 4 hourly feeding routine until they are on solids.  My DD did manage it quite easily but my DS couldn't do it at all so we needed to be a bit creative with the routine or sometimes offer top-up feeds.  Just something to bear in mind, certainly don't make your LO wait for a feed if clearly hungry earlier

Well done for getting some naps in the crib

Don't stress about leaving the room during PUPD, I don't think that's an issue as long as you were still responding to 'I need you' cries by returning.  I never stayed with my DS while he was settling for naps unless he really needed me because I also had a toddler to look after.  You will not have broken trust.

If you are keeping the pacifier I wouldn't use PUPD.  It doesn't really mix, because PUPD is a tool for teaching independent sleep whereas by continuing to use the pacifier you are not really allowing that independence.  Different if LO is older and can replug by themselves, then it becomes a comfort item, but if you are using a paci I would stick with shh pat.

I know you say your LO is yawning 45 mins after waking for the day but even so I think you are trying for the first nap too early, and that is throwing your day off from the start.  LOs will never resettle if not tired enough to sleep for a long nap, but then because the nap was short end up overtired by the time the next nap comes round.  I would work on pushing your first A time gradually towards a more age-appropriate 1h45-2h and see if that helps with the first nap, and therefore the rest of the day.

Last thing - I can't encourage you enough to look primarily at your baby, not what it says in the book.  If he is clearly happy and not going to resettle, get him up and enjoy his company. Don't waste both your days doing PUPD or SP for hours on end, just try again for a nap a little later

[Ma.of.Bo]

 Don't waste both your days doing PUPD or SP for hours on end, just try again for a nap a little later

[/quote]

Love this sentence ♥♡♥

[jessmum46]

benefit of hindsight here, much better to just get up and move on with the day.  More enjoyable for everyone!