Author Topic: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them  (Read 1773 times)

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Offline bfl

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3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« on: December 14, 2014, 14:40:41 pm »
Hi all, new dad and first time poster looking for some help with nap time.

DS is almost 3 months old and since about 5 weeks has been a short napper - most naps are 30-45 minutes only. He might have one longer nap a day, but if he does it's usually either in the pram/car seat when we're out and about, or late afternoon in someone's arms, almost never in the bassinet. He seems to sleep better being cuddled (don't they all?), and by the end of the day will often fall asleep on mum during a feed as he hasn't had enough naptime. As a result he usually manages to catnap his way to about 4 hours day sleep one way or another, but there's very little predictability to it.

The other (perhaps related?) problem is that getting him down for naps is a struggle. We close the blinds, put on white noise and swaddle him, and he seems to recognise that those cues mean nap time, and he starts crying. He'll then cry for 5-20 minutes before stopping and falling asleep, and during that time there's pretty much nothing we can do to calm him down - we've tried picking him up and cuddling, rocking, singing, shush/pat, etc., but he just cries until he's ready to go to sleep.

We've tried to avoid using a dummy, out of fear of dependence (for him and us), but have occasionally resorted to it when nothing else works. It does calm him down - he's a very 'sucky' baby, but doesn't always put him to sleep, and I don't want it to be a habit that will create issues down the line. Should we suck it up (pun intended) and just let him use it if it works?

We've wondered if it's because we're not putting him down at the right time, but it doesn't seem to make a difference when we do. We try and go by his cues (yawning, vacant expression/losing interest in play, rubbing eyes, red eyebrows) and put him down when he shows them, but if we go earlier he just lies there in the cot, quietly looking around (it's not 100% dark, unfortunately, might this be part of the problem? Unfortunately for various reasons blackout curtains are not an option for now) until he gets fed up and starts crying. His waketime today has been around 2 hours each time which I know is long, but we started trying to put him down for the second nap after just over an hour and he still didn't drop off until the 2 hour mark.

We've tried resettling him until we're all exhausted, but he almost never resettles, or if he does it takes ages. For example today it's now 2.30pm, I've spent 30 minutes unsuccessfully trying to resettle him from his second 45 minute nap of the day (he woke at 8am), and he's finally gone to sleep again after an hour of waketime spent in the cot. 90 minutes of nap in 6 hours is nowhere near enough (is it?), but I can't work out how to make him take more, short of leaving him in his cot all day and spending the whole time trying to soothe him.

As a result mummy (or I at weekends) can easily spend upwards of 3 hours a day trying to get him to sleep, and when he does go down, the short naps make it impossible to get anything done. It's very draining.

He's fine at night - goes down quite easily after bath, lullaby and feed, then put down drowsy and usually puts himself to sleep relatively quietly (if he doesn't fall asleep on the breast) and usually wakes once or twice for a feed, nappy change and usually easily back to sleep. He can settle himself back to sleep at night sometimes, but very seldom does during the day.

It doesn't seem to affect his temperament - he often wakes up from the naps happy, and generally seems to be a very contented little fellow - he smiles all the time, loves playing with his activity gym or just sitting in the bouncer looking around - he's very active and loves to see what's going on. Apart from nap time, he only cries when he's hungry or under-stimulated (sounds odd, I know, but if he's looking at something boring he'll complain, and stop as soon as you talk to him or put him somewhere he can see interesting stuff). Even in the early evening when I get home from work he's usually happy and receptive to playing with me, which doesn't say overtired to me, unless I'm interpreting it wrong.

I realise I've written a lot, but want to give the full context. We're getting towards the end of our tethers with his napping (or lack of!) Any advice welcome. Thanks!
« Last Edit: December 14, 2014, 15:18:58 pm by bfl »

Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2014, 20:44:04 pm »
Hi and welcome to BW! :)

Are you able to post a few days of your EASY routine for us to take a look at? I think that would help in terms of trying to figure out why your LO is fighting naps.

As a start, a couple things come to mind... one is that if you're trying for a nap after 1hr of A time, he's probably not tired enough to fall asleep, so fights it; and if you're trying closer to 2hr A time, he's likely overtired by that point, so fights it (although I think what you're saying is that he fights sleep so ends up falling asleep around 2hr A). Typically, the A time for a 3mo old will be around 1h20-30min. So, you'll want to start winding down after him being awake for 1hr10-20min. The other thing I was wondering is if you've noticed any reflux symptoms? Reflux 101 - General reflux information I'm wondering if he fights once he knows he's going to be put down because it might be painful to lie down. This also might explain why he sleeps better in the car, pram, etc (although that's pretty normal for most babies his age).

As for the paci, if he's a sucky baby, I think I would give it to him. He may really need that to help him calm down. And, there's no saying that it will definitely become a prop if it's used in the right way (i.e. you don't keep sticking it back in when it's not really necessary). I think to sometimes use it and sometimes not (even if you only use it when nothing else works) isn't really fair. If it becomes an issue, you can easily solve it later on. IME, it's not that tough to get rid of it around 6/7mo.

Not sure I answered everything for you, but hopefully that's a start.



Offline bfl

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2014, 21:22:06 pm »
Thanks for the reply :)

We've almost given up on EASY at this point, reason being that with the short naps, we were feeding him every 2-2.5 hours, which resulted in symptoms of lactose overload. We spoke to a lactation consultant and she recommended giving up and going back to a more on-demand feeding i.e. skip some feeds post waking and only feed him if he wakes up hungry. We've done that and the symptoms are better.

That said, a typical day might be

7am wake and feed for 30-40 mins (he's a slow feeder, although started to get quicker last week or so. He sucks for comfort, as I mentioned)
7.30-7.40 play/cuddles in bed with mum, dad leaves for work
8.15-8.30 try to put down for first nap, down by 8.30-8.45 ish, mum has shower/breakfast etc.
9.15-9.30 wake up, feed
10.00 play time on his play mat, probably some tummy time once food has gone down
10.30-11 aim for down second nap
11.15.-11.30 wake up, feed
12.00 in rocker while mum makes lunch
1.00-1.30 mum maybe takes him out to shops/visit friends, he sleeps in pram/car.
3.00 wake up, feed
3.30 play time
4.30-4.45 nap - probably on mum
5.15-5.30 dad gets home, wake up, feed, then play time with dad, parents make dinner
6.30 in rocker while parents eat
7.00 bathtime, lullaby
7.15 final feed before down around 7.45-8.30 depending on how much he fights it

It's a bit erratic as it depends on what commitments mum has during the day, but he'll usually be out at some point (even if just for a walk and some fresh air), and that's more likely to be a longer sleep (although lately less so).

We usually try to put him down sometime between 1.15-1.30 depending on when he shows tired signs, but if he's being difficult to put down it can end up being 2 hours awake. He's always had longer than average awake times - even when only 6 weeks old he wouldn't go down until 1.30 (you could set your watch by it), no matter how early we started trying. An earlier put down time just seems to mean longer settling time.

Today for the first nap I tried a longer than normal wind-down, starting at around 1.10 before he was looking tired, but gradually removing the stimulation rather than putting him straight in the cot. It still took a while but he went down peacefully at 1.35 rather than crying. Still only slept 45 minutes though. I tried the same thing again for the second nap after about 1.10 waketime (he was looking tired) and it didn't work at all, he just stayed awake (happily) and simply wouldn't fall asleep until 2.30. Naturally he's been overtired all day.  ::)

I'm pretty sure he doesn't have reflux, he doesn't have any of the symptoms and he's quite happy on his back in other situations - on a play mat or change table for example. It's only when on his back in a cot, wrapped up and with the lights dimmed that he starts crying - he seems to know that it means nap time. We've tried not wrapping him, but he just flails his arms about everywhere and doesn't settle at all.

Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2014, 04:28:24 am »
We've almost given up on EASY at this point, reason being that with the short naps, we were feeding him every 2-2.5 hours, which resulted in symptoms of lactose overload. We spoke to a lactation consultant and she recommended giving up and going back to a more on-demand feeding i.e. skip some feeds post waking and only feed him if he wakes up hungry. We've done that and the symptoms are better.
This is a good plan... often EASY becomes more EASYAEASY with a short napper.

If he's always had higher than average A times, then it might be worth keeping him up a little longer to see if that helps. It also sounds like tweaking the wind down routine was a help as well. Do you know his temperament? The BW "Know Your Baby Quiz"

It's very, very normal for LOs of this age to have short naps. It's a developmental thing. All three of mine have done short naps from about 2/2.5mo - 5/6mo. If he seems happy enough with the short naps, I would try not to worry about it too much. If he hardly ever resettles, I would only try for 10-15min or else just get him up. There's no need to spend the whole day trying to get him to sleep. You could try some wake-to-sleep techniques though to see if they help. Here's a helpful link on those: How do I address habitual wakings? (wake-to-sleep and other methods)

Is there any way you can AP a longer nap for him at home, in a wrap or swing for example? I did one wrap/swing nap per day with each of my DSs, so that they got a decent sleep and I could get a break. The rest were in the crib and the one nap didn't seem to hinder their independent sleep skills.



Offline bfl

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2014, 07:26:30 am »
Thanks. Given that he's a pretty happy chappy most of the time, I try not to worry (although it is my nature), as it doesn't seem to be doing any harm. It's more the spending ages getting him to sleep for very little reward that is the frustration.

According to the quiz, he's mostly a textbook baby, although I got a few As and Cs as well. He is very even tempered most of the time, almost never cries except when being put down for a nap (or there's something clearly wrong, like hunger or pain), and smiles easily at everyone.

We usually manage to get a longer nap out of him in the pram or on somebody, so usually one of the 4-5 naps of the day ends up being a bit longer, but it's almost never in the cot. We do have a sling which sometimes works for a longer nap, but sometimes he doesn't find it comfortable.

Thanks for the techniques, I'll have a read and let you know if anything works. I'm very nervous of trying wake-to-sleep, though, fear it'll just wake him up. He rouses quite easily from naps (but not at night, he sleeps very soundly at night).

Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2014, 00:31:52 am »
It's more the spending ages getting him to sleep for very little reward that is the frustration.
Yes, I totally get that. It might be worth it to just let the short naps be for now and get him up when he wakes. It does usually get easier to extend naps around 5/6/7mo. For settling, I would try the bit longer A time (prob 10-15min to start) and tweak the wind down and see if that helps.

Thanks for the techniques, I'll have a read and let you know if anything works. I'm very nervous of trying wake-to-sleep, though, fear it'll just wake him up. He rouses quite easily from naps (but not at night, he sleeps very soundly at night).
The HTTJ (holding through the jolts) version doesn't require any stirring/waking, so that would be the one to try for you! It is usually the most successful method at his age anyway.

Let me know how you get on.



Offline bfl

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2014, 11:47:24 am »
Update - not much improvement, I'm afraid. Extending wake time and longer wind downs sometimes seems to help with going off peacefully, sometimes doesn't. Even when it does work he's still only taking 45 minute naps. The resettling techniques haven't worked yet, either.  ::)

Will keep trying.

Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2014, 02:03:31 am »
(((Hugs))), I'm sorry... I know it's not ideal, I've BTDT! If all you've tried is not helping, I'm guessing they're developmental short naps and hopefully will lengthen with time.



Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2014, 20:27:48 pm »
After asking around for another opinion on your thread, we're wondering if he's still fighting going down to sleep because he needs a bit more A time.  Can you try adding 10-15min more and seeing if that helps?



Offline bfl

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2014, 11:55:19 am »
Worth a try. He's typically getting 2hrs A time now. Gone down twice today without a fight  ;D

Offline katie80

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Re: 3mo - short naps and fights against taking them
« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2014, 14:25:13 pm »
 :)



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