Author Topic: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate  (Read 2505 times)

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Offline brummum

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Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« on: December 15, 2014, 15:38:12 pm »
So I have posted about this before. G is nearly 3 and has a blankie as a comfort item. It is a bear head with arms and he basically sucks the arms like a dummy replacement. He has it at night and occasionally during the day to help calm himself. Trouble is a soon as it gets soggy he needs it replaced (we have 10). He generally needs it replaced a couple of times at bedtime and 2-5 replacements during the night. I don't mind him having it during the day or even replacing it a few times at bedtime but I just can't cope with the up and down at night anymore... I'm absolutely exhausted. I can't rember when I last had a full nights sleep. I have tried leaving multiple ones in his bed (he goes through them all at bedtime and I still have to get up recurrently during the night), messing with routine ( he has dropped the nap now so know it isn't that anymore), explaining clearly that he only gets one at bedtime and that's it til the next day (feels like I'm torturing him and he should either be allowed them when he wants them or not at all), doing a special trip to the bear factory to get a new comfort item and leaving the blankies for the blankie fairy to give to all the new little babies who need them (he would have absolutely nothing to do with this and it resulted in the worst and longest tantrum at bedtime that I've ever seen resulting in me caving and giving him one, nice one mommy). I just don't know what to do. WWYD? I would like to get rid of them as a prop for sleeping but keep as a comfort item for during the day if needed but my gut says this won't work and is just being mean and I need to get rid of them completely or suck it up until he decides he doesn't need them (I don't know how much longer I can do this for). I'm sorry this is so long I'm just at my wits end with his night wakings and constant washing of blooming blankies to make sure I have enough dry ones for the next night. Please help me!

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2014, 16:32:37 pm »
(((Hugs))) hun, no fun being exhausted.

Is it him requesting for it to be replaced once soggy?  Or do you offer?  It sounds to me, though I may be wrong, that it's not the item in itself thats the prop, it's your presence being required to replace it?  I'm thinking some kind of GW combined with strictly only allowing one blankie, no replacements.  I mean, it's not like you are removing the comfort item which I agree would be harsh, he has the comfort item.  I just wonder if it's not really the blankie that's the issue iykwim? 

What do you think hun?  All said very much in a supportive way, not judging at all, we all do what we need to do sometimes :-* x






Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2014, 16:55:06 pm »
Thanks Katherine, I'm not sure, he requests them, I never offer unsolicited! I have had the same thought previously though.. That it could be my intervention that is the prop. However, I have tried staying in the roomwith him if he wants me to when I won't replace the blankie and sometimes this appeases him but more often than not he gets really upset and keeps saying he wants a dry blankie. At the moment I am trying the 'only one blankie no replacement' but staying with him in the hopes that I could wean the need for replacement and then do some form of gradual withdrawal to remove myself from the room but it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere... Do you think I should just keep going with that approach? I do think it's not just the blankie but the sucking of the (dry) blankie that is the comfort which I suppose is why I feel like letting him have just the one is crueler than getting rid of them all together. Oh gosh I don't know anymore, I'm making no sense and I can't see the wood for the trees, I'm ready just to curl up in a ball and cry about it, I hate seeing him so upset and me being the cause of it. Thank you so much for your thoughts... I'm sure my sleep deprivation is nothing compared to yours at the moment x

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2014, 18:51:01 pm »
Hugs honey, you haven't broken him and sleep deprivation is not a competition :-* any time we're not getting the rest we need it's rough, even if someone else's nights are objectively 'worse'.  So I really do feel for you, it sucks being so tired.

Hmmm, it's a tough one.  I feel like there are maybe a couple of options.  One do as you are trying, one blankie only and use GW to remove your presence once he is managing with one.  Two, cold turkey remove it.....I'm not so sure that's the way to go though, I mean, it is a comfort item that (apart from providing dry ones) he can use independently.  DD still adores her giraffe and I have no plans to take it away, though we have talked about him staying in her room once she turns 3. 

Maybe there's an alternative option 3 thinking about it.....something mid-way.  Could you talk to him a lot in the daytime about how at night both he and Mummy need their sleep so they can be full of energy to play the next day.  And explain that he can have his blankie in bed but that there will only be one and he can't have a new one in the night because Mummy is sleeping.  Do you use a Gro clock or similar?  Wondering if you could make use of that to reinforce that while it is night, mummy is sleeping so no new blankies.  But incentivise that if he waits for lights on/sun up there will be a dry blankie waiting for him?  I expect there will be some nights of tantrums but I think maybe you have to tell yourself your will is stronger than his, and I think he would learn quickly with a combination of consistency at night (the 'stick') and the 'carrot' of a dry blankie to wake up to.  Could you even lock all the spare blankies in the car outside or the garage or something, somewhere it would be a real hassle to get them in the middle of the night if you felt tempted?  If he wakes I would just tell him from outside the room (if possible) that Mummy is sleeping, he needs to sleep and that there will be a dry blankie when the sun comes up?

Do you think something along those lines could work? 

Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2014, 19:31:21 pm »
Will deffo give it a go, I have tried to talk to him about it but he has great selective hearing already, but will just do a lot of rinse repeat and hope he takes on board some of it! I have a gro clock but had not used it yet so will try that too. Do you mind if I keep you posted? I might need a little hand holding.... 2am breakdowns are hard to cope with. Was convinced last night the neighbours would be calling social services! I am going to be consistent now though otherwise I will have put him through a lot of upset for nothing. Thanks again for your help x

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2014, 19:52:08 pm »
Here to hold hands definitely, will most likely also be awake at 2am ::) so a (sleepy) hand to hold then too xx

Offline Shiv52

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2014, 22:42:43 pm »
Hugs xx

I'd do as Katherine advised xx

The way I keep going in times like this is to remember he is a toddler and what he's doing is being upset as you've changed the norm. He is not hurt. He is angry and cross. Same as he would be if you said no to a biscuit and you wouldn't give in then YK?  So I think it's just important to realise that he's learning the new way of things and it will take a few nights but stand strong  and soon you'll all be sleeping better x





Offline Lana

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2014, 23:27:23 pm »
As another alternative  but along the same lines you could give him three or four in his bed and that is all he gets.  My boys had about 5 pacis in their bed so they could always find one :P


Offline emily3434

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2014, 01:44:59 am »
Similar situation with my first-the paci was his lovie/comfort item.  He never took to a blanket or stuffed animal, so when it was time to take it away, I was crushed taking his comfort!!!  But knew it was right for him and our family.  And I think that's what it comes down to-you replacing all night sleep deprived doesn't help you or him. 

That said, if your not ready to remove it, I would agree with Lana-maybe try giving 3-4 at bedtime so he can replace as needed himself through the night (we also did this with paci's before weaning)

When time to wean, we went cold turkey.  I felt it wasn't fair to let him have it sometimes but not other times.  We took all his paci's to a well visit and our pediatrician "traded" him a remote controlled car (we have delivered prior). So at night when he asked, we reminded him of the toy car, and said we didn't have any paci's in the house.  It was a rough 4-5 nights, but he quickly accepted done teddy bears in his bed and slept fine after that.  I do remember it being so hard-he loved his paci and would suck one and hold the other.  He is 4 now and a bed full of teddys does just fine.  Good luck-this is one of those tough parenting decisions!!!





Offline nona

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2014, 03:29:17 am »
yea i think it is you....my friend's 2.5 yo had a blanket he stuffed in his mouth like a paci. his dentist told her he needed to stop (it was causing physical changes to his mouth). so she didn't have much choice. she let him have it during the day and while rocking him but not in the bed. the first night was the hardest - she may have had to settle him a couple of times, the next night only once and then he was STTN.

i can't believe he goes thru so many!

my DD is 2.5 and she had 3 paci (attached to stuffed animals). one we lost, the next one she started biting and then broke off the top, and the last one died a slow death. She started biting on it so the top was cracked, then the very top broke off and this last weekend it broke more. She was upset but i rocked & soothed her and she has slept STTN since this weekend with her broken paci's. it makes me sad...but the dentist will be happy at our next visit!!!
heather




Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2014, 19:03:15 pm »
Thanks all, I'm gonna stick with the one blankie approach for now as that is what I've been doing the last few nights. So after an horrendous night on Monday he slept through yesterday.. As in literally did not hear a peep out of him! I'm not getting my hopes up though as that does randomly happen sometimes. Fingers crossed for tonight.

Offline nona

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #11 on: December 16, 2014, 19:04:35 pm »
good luck!!
heather




Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2014, 19:24:58 pm »
Good luck hun, remember regression is common so stay strong xx

Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2014, 19:34:28 pm »
Okay so he's now averaging 1 wake up a night (which unfortunately is a long distressful one as no quick resettle option of a dry blankie but that's to be expected). At bedtime he sometimes asks for me to stay which I do but sometimes doesn't request it and let's me leave the room. Not having melt downs at bedtime anymore (hope I haven't jinxed myself!). During the night wakings all I am able to do is stay with him and offer cuddles but feel useless as he's usually so angry because I won't give him a new blankie that he won't let me comfort him. would really appreciate any advice about how best to respond to the night wakings? But all in all much better than getting up multiple times, feel a bit more human! Thanks again ladies.

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2014, 19:12:24 pm »
Well done hun, that's a huge improvement :D

Silly questions first - have you ruled out reasons of routine or discomfort for the long NWs?  Is he still napping?

Have you ever used WIWO with him?

Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #15 on: December 21, 2014, 21:15:23 pm »
As far as i can yes, hes always been lsn and is no longer napping with 12 hr days. Dont think hes in any discomfort. Hes quite good at  telling us now. We have done wiwo in the past but this time he wont even lwt me get to the door and it seems to escalate his upset. Im happy to stay with him at this point as its a big change for him and then im pretty sure he will let me leave the room once he has learnt a new way of doing things i just feel a bit useless when im in there.

Offline Truly Blessed

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #16 on: December 22, 2014, 15:31:53 pm »
Ah well done Hun, I'm happy to read this update. IIWM I would be doing the same, just staying with him for the NW and comforting, which will hopefully just be in the short term as he re-adjusts. I know how hard these things are after helping DS through giving up his beloved dummies, only recently! but he is now doing really well. You'll get there.x.



Offline brummum

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #17 on: December 23, 2014, 20:13:51 pm »
Thanks hon. It's still going okay although it seems he's now consolidated his nights as he is sleeping better so is now doing 11hr nights (never win can you?!). But I will take that over getting up 5 times a night any day!

Offline jessmum46

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #18 on: December 24, 2014, 09:09:14 am »
Definitely!!

Offline Truly Blessed

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2014, 12:03:44 pm »
Lesser of 2 evils Honey eh!? ;) x.



Offline KookyK

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Re: Blankie chaos please help... Desperate
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2014, 21:08:54 pm »
Can you leave some of the dry ones in the cot too and encourage him to swap by himself? Sounds tough! Good luck x
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