9 week old baby: catnap, snacking, multiple night wake, nurse to sleep

[Had_2507]

Dear all mom,
My name Melissa, and i'm the first time mother. I have a 9week DD with: lots of problems ( and I don't know where to start and how. Literally, since I gave birth, I can only stay at home and take care of my DD, totally lost connect wth outside world, and a sleep starving mom. At first I thought I was at right track when I just fed my baby and he would knock off for 2 hours until, the next feed, but then, until week 6, he started to only sleep after I fed him and felt asleep for only 30-45 minutes then he would awake and ask for breast again. I realize there is something wrong then I start to research and I find out how badly equipped I'm as a mother. I have created lots and lots and lots of bad habit for my DD. Now I have to break them all to get my life back. Please help me out :
1. Snacking: well, i didn't know abou reading baby cue until week 6, hence I fed my baby each time he cry, of course, so STUPID. i have accidentally created a snacker. Oh wait, not only snacker but also cat napper, nurse to sleep baby. I'm trying EASY but it's on and off, sometimes  I fed him and play with him then i start to see sleep cue, then I would see him sleep by himself. but it was 2 out of 10 times. Other times I would have to feed him eventhough I tried all possible ways that I can.
2 Cat napper: he can only sleep for 30-45 minutes. I 'm trying WTS but no result yet since I've tried it since yesterday. But what comes to my notice is that after the first 20', he usually moves hic body, seems to be in liht sleep, so after I stroke him at 27' , he would wake up after 10'
3. Sleep prop: well, he will only sleep if I breastfeed him. I've tried to cuddle him, ask other to do so as well, but as soon as we put him down, he awakesssssss.
4. Night wake:this one is very hard to tell, some nights he wakes 1 time, some nights he wakes, well, I can't even count. And I have to feed him to settle him. I have started impliment bedtime for 2 weeks but things go on and off before this, he only wakes 2 times a night at 2 and 5. After i strat bedtim routine, it's easier to get him to sleep but it's unpredictable when he will up. His bedtime is at 7.30 with bath, diaper changing and a lullaby with breast feeding.
Please anyone can give me advice on where to start , and how , what next steps are. I'm sooooo streesssssed.

Thank you
From a desperate stupid mom
P/s:for now i try WTS and EASY. And I also track down all daily activities for 2 weeks now, but his timetable is everywhere, no particular pattern, so it's worthless.

[*Ali*]

Hello and welcome to BW. Please let me start by reassuring you that you are not badly equipped as a mother and you have done nothing stupid.

He is really young still so any habits created should be relatively easy to break if you want to. I can understand you wish to change things so let's see what we can help you with.

Have you tried shush pat? See this link on how to do it correctly with a young baby. Shush-pat - How to

How long is he awake before you try to put him down for a nap? I'm just wondering of he is overtired by the time you try (or not tired enough). Typically at this age a baby would be awake around 1hr15 and that would include BF and wind down.

It's completely normal for an EBF to wake 2-3 times a night at this age so if he is only doing 1 or 2 NFs then he is right on track

[Animom]

I dnt have any advice...but just want to give U lots of hugs...u R not a bad or stupid mother...dnt say that to urself...just hang in there it will get better hun..

[*Ali*]

I hope things have improved over the Christmas period

[irikys]

What you describe sounds like me and my DS. After careful observations and a trip to the doctor, it turns out he has silent reflux, hence the need to nurse to soothe and the broken sleep. I hope for you this isn't reflux (it's super tough to handle) and just a matter of creating a routine. Although it seems early to do so, it is a good idea to start things off now. Listen to the baby's cues, after a while you will be able to understand what she needs. Takes a few weeks to fall into place.

[Had_2507]

Thank all for your replies and advices. And especially to Ali, your advice worth a million dollars
After reading the Shh-pat and 4S's that you suggested, i have been able to stop him from feeding to sleep and snacking.
The night wake: he went through growth spurt at that week, and everything comes back to normal after that.
With the catnap: I thought he wakes out of habit and I applied wake to sleep but it backfires. It turns out my son wake from jolts. And All I have to do is to hold my son's arms at anytime between minute 20-25, after a sudden sigh. And guess what, from wake up at exactly 30', now everyday he has 2 naps of 1.30 to 2 hours, sometimes even more. It a progress, right. And the duration I have to hold him also reduces day by day. And if he wakes, I would shh-pat to let him fall back to sleep, and then I can let him sleep on his side under my watch, and he will sleep sound and tight for hours.Once, he slept for almost 4 hours, and I have to wake him since it had been nearly 6 hours since the last feed.finger cross that after posting this, he everything will not go backward.
However, I have one problem, with the 4S's , 2 weeks ago, he went well with that, actually 3s's since I don't swaddle him. But recently, he is more aware of the world, he loves to play rather than sleep. When he shows his sleep-cue, I start the wind-down:
1. setting the scene:take all the toys away, deem the light, turn off TV, turn on lullaby song.
2.Sit:at this stage, he cries his eyes off, i will have to shhh-pat,sometimes even pace, rock to calm him otherwise he will continue to cry and cry for 20minutes the longest. Feel like he cries to sleep. I fell so horrible. Is it normal that they would cry at this stage? Or Did i do something wrong? How to prevent crying at this stage?
3.shhh-pat: i will put him down drowsy and i will use shh-pat if he awake and cry. He's quite fine with this step.
I don't use paci, and 8'm quite reluctant in using it. Sometimes I know he just need some sucking to calm himself, and he will not cry if He has the paci. However, O just worry I will introduce him a new prop. If it is possible to use the paci, then at which stage of 4s's ritual can I use it?

Thank you alllll

[*Ali*]

So happy for you that the shh pat and holding through the jolts has worked to extend naps.

It is common for babies to cry at the sitting stage sometimes. Some just seem to need a little cry to transition to sleepy mode. Don't feel bad as long as you are there for him crying will not hurt. I would just shh pat in your arms.
It could also be if he is OT or UT at that point. How long is he awake before you try to put him down to nap?

[Had_2507]

Well, it's vary from 1 hour to 2 hours. It's also very hard for him to take the last nap of the day. He can wake for 3 hours till bedtime, regardless how hard I try to get him to sleep. I also think because i'm not the only one who get him to sleep, my maid and my husband also involve in. And today I watch how they get him to sleep, and I realize my maid stands, swings, humps, and pat at the same time. My husband can't bear his cry so he would pace aroOnd the room. while I only sit, hump and pat.  Sometimes I would offer slight swings to stop him from crying hysterically. From now on I will try to get him sleep on my own otherwise he might be confused. And by the way, if using this method, how long it's gonna take for my baby to self sooth?

[*Ali*]

Most babies under 3mo need some help going to sleep but it should get quicker. I'd try to keep his awake time to a max of 1hr15 otherwise he will be awfully OT.

If you can get the other people who settle your baby to sleep to use shh pat that will help speed things up.

[Ma.of.Bo]

Hi Melissa,

Big Hug to u love.
I think u r doing better than mine. I knew BW when LO 11wk. So u can imagine how...silly I was before
I rocked LO to sleep day & night. Catnaps - ofcourse he had (even now). He had NW every hour. I cant feed him that much so I just rock & cried night by night. Lols.
I didnt know how to feed probably. I let milk supply drop & LO did not enough milk. He just cried 24/7.
Then I moved to formula & ...overfeed him. He gained 1kg in 1week. Vomit & poo every feed. He cried 24/7.
Because of C section so I was really weak & I worried I might drop LO so didnt bath him much. 2-3times in the first month. He got Rash...every where .
 & I used to think I m the worst mom in the world.

So. Just let u know. When u have a LOVE to LO, u definitely r the BEST mom.
Love you. :*