Nap Refusal - Any advice for today if poss

[Hayleys]

Hi

So after my last post, she did sleep all night and woke at 7:30, so she had a 10 and a half hr night which was great. Yesterday when my sister had her the nap got messed up as when my sister was travelling somewhere she fell asleep in the car. This was at 11:10 am. It wouldn't have been too bad but she only slept for 15 mins as she woke coughing. Then on the way back she slept again from. 1:50-2 pm. This made bedtime extremely hard and she was in quite an OT mess, lots of tears and I even had to hug her until she fell asleep. This was her EASY yesterday

WU 7:30
S 11:10 - 11:25
S 1:50 - 2 pm
BT 8 pm (wasn't asleep until 10 pm)

She did then sleep all night and woke at 7:30 pm, but this meant that she had only had a total of 9.5 hr of night sleep.

So far she has been managing on this well today and I took her out in the car and she fell asleep at 11:40 so I'm going to wake her at 12:10. I'm hoping this will mean that BT will be better tonight and we can get back on track over the weekend to see if this earlier 30 min cat nap is going to make a difference consistently.

Anyway, let's hope tonight goes better!!

xx

[Truly Blessed]

Ah it's hard and frustrating when you aren't responsible for keeping things on track yourself isn't it Hun Anyway onwards and upwards, there's is nothing you can do now, today's plan sounds good, keeping everything crossed for you.x.

[Hayleys]

Hi

So the last two night has been a lot better in terms of her falling asleep more quickly. This has been her EASY:

WU 7:30
S 11:40-12:10
BT 8 pm (asleep by 8:30)

WU 7:10
S 12:00 - 12:30
BT 8 pm (fell asleep 8:45 pm)

WU 7:15

As you can see this is a lot better in terms of her having more night sleep. Her mood is fine in the day, although some cracks are beginning to appear but generally she is fine. She does look really tired though and I'm not surprised considering how sleep has been for the last few weeks. She will happily get into her cot but then she gets very distressed until she decides to lay down and fall asleep. Last night was terrible as she actually leaned over the cot and fell out!! This was very stressful and thankfully she is fine, but we are now going to have to take the cot sides down tonight as we can't risk that happening again.

What I have been doing is sitting by the door until she falls asleep. As the cot sides will be down tonight, I imagine that she will probably try to get out of the bed. Just want to try to make a plan to deal with this. Is it a case of just putting her back in the bed? We are also going to put a stair gate on her bedroom door. I used to be able to just leave the room and she would fall asleep without any problem so we are in a very new place now.

Also do you think she is crying more because she is OT and that is making things worse?  She is waking up fine from the 30 min nap but was thinking that when we tried it at 45 min it was when it was later in the day. I don't really want to try anything new but perhaps she would be able to handle a 45 min nap earlier in the day and still go to bed fine at BT. Just wondering if that would also add to helping her settle better. My husband is not keen to change anything right now (me neither really), but just a thought I had. Wondering what you think.

Any ideas? x

[Truly Blessed]

Hi there Hun,

Well that is much much better There will of course be a lot of accumulated OT which will take time to go. Also remember that it is a cold hard fact that 'sleep begets sleep' and always with S once he became able to sleep better he would look more tired and yawn more etc, as the sleep gates open, so to speak, so hopefully this will help the fact that you now have to take the sides of the cot! That is just typical isn't it, something else in the mix, just as things are going better  We also had to move S into a toddler bed when he started to throw himself out  WRT that, yes, a baby gate on the door is a good idea, and what most people do at this point. I wonder if you can get away with leaving it open, and only close it IF she continuously gets out of bed. if she prefers it open, you may be able to use this as a bargaining tool  . Just a thought. Yes, you just return her to bed, I think it will be a case of seeing how she reacts to this, in the light of her crying at BT YK  It may be that if it upsets her greatly, it is better than you just shut the gate and sit at the other side of it, not paying her attention and just using a 'sleepy phrase' eg "It's sleepy time Sweetheart" and wait it out until she lies down herself. I have known many LO's fall asleep on the floor and then be moved into bed, but sometimes depending on the LO's personality it can be the fastest route to show how things work once in a 'Big girl bed' so to speak. Also, she may astound you and love having the sides of her bed, make a big deal of her being a big girl now today, and make it exciting for tonight. Maybe you could get her something like this which my DS absolutely loves, it could encourage her to stay in her bed:

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/1085220.htm

It shines stars all over the ceiling and a picture of whichever animal you choose It is very relaxing and can be on chase, or one colour, the blue is a good one, not too bright, and it has a time to go off after 20 mins if you do so choose.

WRT her routine, I think a 45 min nap early in the day would disrupt everything for sure, and agree things are best left alone routine wise for now. She is getting so much more sleep over the last couple of days.

Okay, I hope I haven't forgotten anything, please do ask any other questions you may have Hun and good luck!!! 

x.

[Hayleys]

Hi

Thank you and I might get that toy if she starts trying to get out of the bed.

So yesterday we took the cot sides down and DD was very excited about sleeping in her ‘big bed’.  As expected the excitement turned to tears though when I had to say goodnight to her and sit by the door.  She did stay in the bed, was talking about wanting to get out, but when I told her that she must remain in the bed she did.  She was very near the edge of the bed and I felt concerned that she may topple out and I ended up sitting closer to her.  She has this thing at the moment of wanting to take off her clothes off when she is upset at bedtime.  She got tangled up slightly in her pyjamas and I went to help her.  I did this the other night and after helping her she decided that she wanted to lay down and I covered her over and she went to sleep.  However, yesterday she grabbed me and was asking me to hug her.  I did as it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.  She was in a state and I was worried that the excitement of the ‘big bed’ had turned into something which felt very unfamiliar.  She was then asleep in 5 minutes, as she was really tired.  The problem is that now I think she is going to expect the same thing tonight and I worry about starting a habit.

Then unfortunately at 12:30 am she also woke, I think this again was due to the fact that it felt new being in her big bed, or perhaps she felt hot under the covers, I don’t know.  I was unsure what temperature the room should be.  She has a 4 tog duvet and is wearing pyjamas and the temperature was 20 in the room.  Is that about right?  Anyway, when she woke, again she was asking for a hug so I did hug her and she was soon dozing on me.  The problem was that when I tried to lay her back down she kept waking up so it took me about an hr 45 mins until I could leave the room.  She wasn’t completely awake for all of that time but she was in quite a light sleep.  Here was her EASY for yesterday:

WU 7:10
S 12 – 12:30
BT 8 pm (asleep for 8:30 pm)

I’m worried about turning this having to hug her to sleep thing into a bad habit but at the same time I feel that she needs me to be close by at the momement.  Perhaps I could try telling her to lay down tonight but sit by her bed instead of the door.  I think this would also help reassure me that she won’t fall off the edge also.  Are all these tears typical of the 1-0 process?  I used to be able to say goodnight, leave the room and she would lay down and fall asleep.

[Truly Blessed]

Hello Hun,

Honestly I think she did really well bless her. I also think you did the right thing to give her a cuddle, we all worry about habit forming, but taking the sides down is a change and she needed you, it's so important first and foremost that you respond to her needs which is the essence of BW so try not to worry. Moving forward I also think if necessary it would be a good idea to sit by her bed if she needs you to, then maybe just a hand on her back would be enough to help her settle. With regards to APOP I came to find the best way to go about it to start out with the minimum amount and then move towards doing more from your LO's reaction, so you then know you aren't doing more than necessary, does that make sense? So tonight try being outside the gate, then go in if she is upset and then put your hand on her back if she needs it, and so on and so forth.

WRT to the temperature in her room, honestly I'm not sure about exact details, but I do know if Sam is too hot he will simply kick the covers off and has done from her age, just ask her if she is too hot or too cold if you have doubts Hun. If she in thin pj's then a duvet I would say is necessary. Does she have a fitted sheet? What I do with Sam still (due to worrying about him falling out onto an arm he dislocated last year ) is I roll up a small blanket and put it under the fitted sheet on the edge of the bed. It means we don't have a side rail but it is enough to stop him from falling out.

Are all these tears typical of the 1-0 process?  I used to be able to say goodnight, leave the room and she would lay down and fall asleep.

Yes for many LO's and TBH we have had this behaviour quite a few times, and it just passes with time. Her routine looks good to me yesterday, the nap wasn't too late which will make it easier for her to come round from it, and her day wasn't too long.

x.

[Hayleys]

Gosh a dislocated arm sounds awful, poor little lovely!! We have put a cotbed guard on the side of the bed.  I'm not putting it up until she falls asleep as due to her being so upset I worry that she may climb on it and fall out again when she is trying to settle.  I think this will hopefuly help though with her not falling out in her sleep.

As she is so near the edge of the bed when she is crying, I do feel that I want to be a bit closer to her to help her settle right now as I worry that she may fall otherwise.  Before Christmas she had a 2 year molar come up and I was laying on the floor beside her until she feel asleep as she was a bit teary (not the same as now) and perhaps some SA was in the mix too.  Right now I can't see any teeth cutting (although they may soon as she still has 3 more to go) so I don't think this is adding to our problem right now but it may also be in the mix soon.  I felt laying on the floor gave her the comfort she needed but without too much of a prop so if I can perhaps I could work on trying to get back to that?  And then I can eventually move out of the room.

What do you think?

[Truly Blessed]

What do you think?

I think that could be a good call Hun I know many favour that as a half way house during these tricky times, she knows your there, but it is hands off. DS used to peer through the cot bars at me every so often and say "There my Mammy!" then lie back down, oh be still my beating heart how quickly they grow Good luck Sweetie.x.

[Hayleys]

Oh that's so sweet!

So last night actually went really well. Before she had her bath I told her that we were going to practice how she was going to go to sleep tonight. She got in her bed and we read her bedtime stories. We then sang her songs and helped her to practice laying down on the covers with her pillow over her. I also showed her that I was going to lay on the floor next to her bed while she fell asleep. She was very happy with all of this and when it came to actually doing it I expected tears but she did not cry at al last night. She did spent time playing with her lovelies, attempted to get out of bed once but listened to me when I told her to remain in the bed. She then tried to take her pyjamas off which I helped her with as she was struggling. Then she wanted me to cover her in her old gro bag instead of the duvet and fell asleep!!!! Wow, I was shocked at how well it went and so relived not to have another bedtime with tears and screams!

It did take her an hr in total to settle, but then she slept all night which was great too! This was her EASY for yesterday:

WU 7:30
S 12-12:30
BT 8pm (asleep by 8:55)
WU 7 am

She only had a 10 hr night but it is all a big improvement from where we were. Just wondering, what would be the signs of us needing to either cut the nap down or out completely. Would it be her taking a long time to fall asleep at BT. I know you said that it can all chance quite quickly for some little ones, so just trying to be prepared for that!

[Truly Blessed]

Good morning Hun,

That is wonderful, what a super result. It sounds like she really benefits from you laying out exactly what will be happening, DS has always needed this, clear plans and instructions and I think it's a super thing to do always.

WRT the nap, when I think of where you've come from i would say to leave it as is for now, as she is doing so much better. Also and importantly because her sleeping arrangements have changed you can't know what it is that was causing it to take 1 hour to go over, so wait it out until she is used to her new bed and then review.

Well done you.x.

[Hayleys]

Hi!

So yesterday went really well again in terms of her not crying at bedtime, but it did take her longer to fall asleep. Here was her EASY:

WU 7 am
S 11:40 - 12:10
BT 8 pm (not asleep until 9:20 pm)

WU 7:05 am

So she only had a 9 hr 45 min sleep last night. I do agree with seeing how things go in regards to not changing her having a nap. But just a thought that when her night is short I could probably get her to nap earlier in the morning. Do you think that could make a difference?

[Truly Blessed]

But just a thought that when her night is short I could probably get her to nap earlier in the morning. Do you think that could make a difference?

It did for us Hun, so I definitely think it's worth a try.x.

[Hayleys]

Hi

So it seems that things have gone very wonky again.  This was her EASY for yesterday. I didn't get to try the earlier nap, but can do from now on if need be.  Is it just a case of the earlier the better or does she need to have a certain amount of A time in the morning?

WU 7 am
S 11:40 – 12:10
BT 8 pm (not asleep until 9:50)
WU 6:25 am

Yesterday at bedtime she started to refused to stay in her bed and I could see that she looked tired but could not settle.  It was exactly the same sort of behaviour which we had a few weeks ago when we had to really cut the nap.  She then also only had an 8 and a half hour night last night – yikees!!

She is with my sister today and I wasn’t sure what to tell her to do, but I suggested to let her have the 30 min cat nap in the car at about 11 am.  I’m really wondering now if this nap needs to go or be changed in any way?  Any ideas on the best way forward from here.  I will be with her all day tomorrow and the weekend so if any adjustments need to be made then it would be a good time to do it. Ugh - just when I thought things were setttling a little! xx

[Truly Blessed]

Hey Hun,

Honestly with the 1-0 you just have to try things and see what happens, for us as early as possible worked, but not for a long time, as things were constantly transitional. I would suck it and see. It may be that you need to start with some deliberate no nap days shortly.

((HUGS)) and good luck Sweetie.x.

[Hayleys]

Hi
Thanks you for your support!  I’m starting to feel stressed again by it all.

So I’m going to try an earlier nap tomorrow, unfortunately my sister couldn’t today, but she has napped from 11:35 – 12:05 and apparently is in good spirits!!  That’s great considering she had such a short night last night.

Tonight we are going to dinner at my parent’s house and I think I will just let her fall asleep in the car on the way home and then transfer her to the cot.  I’m hoping this should be less stressful for us both and also get her to sleep a little quicker then if I was attempting to do it in her room, but we’ll see.  I’ll then try an earlier nap say from 10:30 – 11 am tomorrow and see if that can make a difference to the bedtime resistance which we have been having.  If she naps then it will be about an hr earlier than it has been previously.

I feel that I need a plan on how to approach bedtime tomorrow though and was wondering if you could help me with it.  Last night she did not want me to lay on the floor next to her bed after we read her stories and I think this was her way of just saying that she didn’t feel able to fall asleep.  Instead she wanted to get out of bed and walk around her room.  I just found that I didn’t know what to do to be honest as it took me by surprise.  I tried reading with her more and giving her more time to make her tired enough to fall asleep, cuddling her, laying on the floor and trying not to interact with her in hope that she would get back in bed and go to sleep.  However, instead she just wanted to lay next to me but could not settle even though she was rubbing her eyes and was obviously tired.  I even told her that I was going out of the room to the bathroom but would be back which she was fine with, but she was just jumping around in her room clearly unable to settle.  In the end she got teary and I cuddled her to sleep.

Obviously the cotbed is a very new thing for her (and for me).  I want to try to start as I mean to go on and have more of a plan in my mind on how to approach things when she tries to get out of bed.  I really don’t feel that the issue for her last night was the fact that her sleeping arrangements were new though. I think that due to her routine she was just not able to fall asleep when I was asking her to.  It makes it hard then as she is resisting bedtime for that reason and until I am able to help her with a more suitable EASY then I think we will just keep having more resistance resulting in her getting out of bed.  In the meantime, I don’t want to start too many bad habits and want to try to have a more consistent approach if I can. So of course the plan is to adapt her EASY to help with the bedtime resistance, but each night I don’t know what to expect when I put her to bed.  She may adapt well to an earlier nap time and want to go to sleep more easily but she may not.  So any ideas on how I should deal with her attempting to get out of bed and basically wanting to play?  I think trying to put her back in the bed will just result in a battle of wills and I don’t feel comfortable with this as I do think if she was tired enough she would listen to me and lie down and sleep, and I feel her behaviour is telling me that she is just not ready to sleep as opposed to being mischievous. 

On the flip side to this, we have always had a bedtime routine with some boundaries so she knows what to expect each night and I feel this helps her.  If I start letting her play and walk around etc then I think those essential boundaries may be compromised and in the future when she does begin to adjust well to not having a nap then she may keep on getting out of her bed as she has not had those boundaries established. So just wondering if you have any ideas on how to approach all of this bedtime resistance whist trying to maintain some boundaries too?  Any ideas? xxx