Author Topic: 3,5 months-accidental parenting  (Read 1040 times)

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Offline Renatapogacnik

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3,5 months-accidental parenting
« on: January 06, 2015, 08:56:38 am »
Hello!
I have a huge problem I think with my DS and I would like to fix it as long as he is not too old. He is 3,5 months and we have nap issues. I swaddle him, but he started to fight before nap, he does not want to be swaddled anymore for naps, he does not calm down, he just moves and cries…And it is always 2h of A time before I manage to put him for sleep, I started ritual at 1,5h A time, but now I moved slowly to 1h45min, because otherwise it is impossible to make him fall asleep. Another problem is that I carry him and shhh pat, but if I put him down he starts crying and screaming, so usually when I put him down he does not need shh pat in crib anymore, because he has already fallen asleep…I know AP!! I wonder is this mybe too long A time, should I start at 1,5h again or what..I am totally confused with A times, he jaws once, but than keeps on smiling for another 30 min…I just can’t get him. Than ofcorse he WU after 30 min and I pick him up and he burps sometimes, but than I put him back to sleep with carrying and shh pat, I know it is a bad thing but… We tried w2s and holding him, but it didn’t help…
But I wonder why it is so easy to put him down for night sleep, I bath him, put him in pjamas, I breastfeed him, burp him, sing a song, swaddle, and put him down in his crib, give him paci and I turn off the light and go out. He falls a sleep by himself and he sleeps 7-8h. His A time before night sleep is 2-2,5h and he is not cranky or crying at all. He wu to eat between 1 and 3am, but than again around 4.30am he is talking, i bf him, but mybe i should just let him to calm down by himself or give him paci?

His EASY is like that, but I have to put him back to sleep after 30 min mark.
WU 7.00
E 7.30
A
S 9.00-10.15
Y

I did a lot of AP-carrying him, swaddling, paci… Should I stop swaddling? I don’t want to remove paci, with our first DD she was able to put it back in by herself, but was older ofcourse.
I read that this 30 min mark WU is more developmental, but is it more important to put him bak to sleep so he doesn’t get OT and do the AC, or just try to shh pat in crib, which will be unsuccessful and he will sleep 4x 30 min in one day?

I would just like to put him in crib and help him to fall a sleep with shh pat or mybe I should wait for a month and than try PU PD? Or how to start from carrying to only shh pat? I read about aerage A time and 2h is a lot for 3,5 months, but I don’t know what else to do…

Thank you, all of you in this forum helped me a lot through all issues with my DD and now with my DS, I don’t know how would I manage without you! Really!   

Love,
R
« Last Edit: January 07, 2015, 11:03:31 am by Renatapogacnik »

Offline Ima shel Alon

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Re: 3,5 months-accidental parenting
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2015, 11:39:46 am »
Hi there!

What happened when you put him down after 1.5h A time? Was he Ut and didn't manage to fall asleep?
1:45h A time at this age is actually good A time and normal for many babies so IIWY I would try and stick with it now unless you think he can fall asleep after 1.5h A time.

I wouldn't stop with swaddling and the paci. I don't think the swaddling is a bad prop (if it's a prop at all) and you'll know it's time to wean it when he starts rolling or opening it.
But the carrying around IS a prop and it does sound like you are ready to wean it, right?
even if you wait a month he would still be too young IMO for PU/PD. I know that in the book Tracey said it's for babies older than 4m, but TBH I can't think of many cases I read around here that worked at this age. It's just too much for them as they are still pretty small and people have better success with Shush-pat.

So IIWY I would do a WD, pop him in his crib and if he starts crying I would go back to him and start Shush-pat IN the crib. I did all settling in the crib and never picked up unless it was obvious that DS is very distressed. I did that because every time I did pick him up in the beginning the crying just got worse and worse when I put him down again.
There is information here about Shush-pat: Shush-pat - How to and you can see there that the great thing about Shush-pat is that you can adjust it to what works for you and your LO. For example, for us the bending over and shhshing was a no go as I have a bad back. So we just sat next to him and shhshed to the room. He was also not on his side and we also didn't pat, but put a hand on his shoulder. You just gotta find out what works best for him and what doesn't stimulate him.

At night time I wouldn't feed him unless he starts crying for it. If he is just talking I would give him the chance to try and settle himself back to sleep (or he'll never know if mommy always jumps to feed him).

HTH :).
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Offline Renatapogacnik

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Re: 3,5 months-accidental parenting
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2015, 08:30:45 am »
Hey, ok I stopped carying him and rocking and it was just fine for him, i just hold him like it is in the book for 5 min and shhh pat, but i am affraid this is too long, because when i put him in the crib he just moves a little and is sleeping. I tried to swaddle and put him down right away but he was crying and kicking inside the swaddle, not good at all. So i am thinking to hild him and shh pat each time a little bit less time.
I have a question about wd, when i swaddle him, i set the curtains to make a room dark, but than i dom't see him if he falls asleep when i hold him and shh pat.
Another thing is that i have seen his A time was way too long, i start to WD at 1h20min and he was sleeping at 1h30min. But! He still woke up after 30min today and i PU because he was really crying like in pain and he burped, yestrday he slept for 1,5h and 1h 15 min and than two 30 min naps. When he wu in take him out and do the shh pat while holding, but he is asleep when i put him down:/ i will work on shortening the shh pat here too.
Is it normal that is so hard to put him to CN in late afternoon, yesterday it was like he isn't even tired, he was just "talking" for like 30 min before i manage to put him asleep:/
At night i left him to talk when he wu, but after 20 min he starts crying and is so awake that shh pat is impossible, he wants to eat, and doesn't want paci too.

Thank you for your time!

Offline Ima shel Alon

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Re: 3,5 months-accidental parenting
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2015, 14:12:57 pm »
I have a question about wd, when i swaddle him, i set the curtains to make a room dark, but than i dom't see him if he falls asleep when i hold him and shh pat.
Can you leave the curtains a tiny bit open? Or have a small light? Or he needs a total darkness?
Is it normal that is so hard to put him to CN in late afternoon, yesterday it was like he isn't even tired, he was just "talking" for like 30 min before i manage to put him asleep:/
I would say that at this young age any sleep issue is normal :) Did he have a normal A time before it? You can try and give 10min more and see if it makes a difference.
At night i left him to talk when he wu, but after 20 min he starts crying and is so awake that shh pat is impossible, he wants to eat, and doesn't want paci too.
That's ok, of course you should feed him if he is hungry. What I meant is that you shouldn't offer a feed unless you know that he is hungry. If he wakes up and is chatty then you can't know that he is hungry, right?
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Offline Renatapogacnik

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Re: 3,5 months-accidental parenting
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2015, 09:27:41 am »
We are getting somewhere, he is not crying anymore soo much, but still complaining when i swaddle him. I have just one thing to ask, when he wu after 30 min nap should i try to extend naps with pu and shh path and risk some AP or should i just try in his crib to shh pat and if it is not working just take him out and start with A time? But than EASY is impossible...:( will he start to extend naps byhimself someday? :)

Offline Ima shel Alon

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Re: 3,5 months-accidental parenting
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2015, 17:51:57 pm »
The naps will extend when his A times are right and if he is not OS, hungry, in pain or going through a developmental leap.

I personally would do all settling in the crib. If you any way decided that you want to change things, then why AP?
If you are going to put for a nap one way and not use AP and then try and extend naps in another way and use AP then IMO you are going to confuse him.
You can decide that extending the nap is too much for you and just take him out of his crib. EASY is still possible then, you just start counting a new A time, perhaps he will need less than normal A time because he didn't nap long enough and you can feed in the middle of his A time.
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