New to forum - some advice on a 4 month old that won't nap please

[JasperMummy]

Hello all!

Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place. I'm having a few issues getting my 4 month old into EASY but my main concern is around his naps, or the lack there of!!

He's having around 1hr30-45 A DAY!! He sleeps well at his first nap but will then fight sleep right up until bedtime!! We were definitely accidental parents in the beginning and rocked and cuddled our boy as much as he wanted, but I've realised it's not good for him so a few weeks ago we started EASY. So far, it has been AMAZING! It's allowed us to get him out of our bed, used to his crib, into 4 hourly feeding and he no longer has a night feed. It's changed our lives! We are actually sleeping for the first time in 4 months!

We're not quite settled just yet though - he just won't go down for a nap after lunchtime. I would really appreciate some advice - maybe I'm not doing it right. Admittedly we feed him before his bedtime, do we need to change that? Our EASY (our version anyway!) routine is as follows;

WU - 6am
E- 6am
A
S- 8:30 (1hr to 1hr15)

E - 10am
A
S - 12noon (15mins, 30mins tops)

E - 2pm
A
S- 2:30ish (15mins, 30mins tops)

Bedtime routine starts at 5:45 (Bath, lullabies, bottle, down in crib watching nightlight then falls asleep around 6:15)

E - 10pm dream feed.

We have a spirited textbook baby. When I try to put him down in his crib, I use shhh pat until he goes to sleep but in the afternoon he gets so distressed I move to PUPD. I eventually abandon the nap after what can be an hour of crying. The little naps he does get in the afternoon are in the car when we do the school run. I don't understand why he goes down so well in the morning but fights it so much in the afternoon?

Can anyone recommend any changes that might help.

Thanks x

[echohush]

Welcome to BW! I am not a moderator here but have you thought that he might be overtired? In my experience a lack of naps will just keep making him more and more overtired which usually means a more awake and fussy baby.  Do you have a long wind down routine or ritual?  This is what helped me get naps going for my little one.  While it can be really boring for me, as it is the same routine every time, but now the process itself makes him tired. He knows what the clear expectation is at the end of the process.

PU/PD can also be really stimulating for some babies. Back in the day (a decade ago I was a mod on that issue). I was able to use it successfully with my daughter at 5.5 months but was and still am cautious to advise its use too early especially with a touchy and spirited types of babies.  These babies are usually sensitive already to sensory input and stimulation and the process can make them super hyper instead of calming. In the past I recommended a very slow version of the process- kind of like you're doing it in slow motion, speaking very monotone but reassuring to the baby.

The other thing that jumps out is your afternoon feed is really close to that afternoon nap.

Where does he nap during the day? 

[JasperMummy]

Thank you so much for getting back to me echohush... I really appreciate the advice. I'm really finding things hard at the moment.

Yes, I also think he is overtired. I try to take him upstairs to the bedroom as soon as he starts his little cues. I close the blinds, change his nappy, sing gentle lullabies and talk in a voice that makes me sound like I'm high or something! We do this for about 20 minutes to half an hour depending on how tired he is. Then I pop him in his crib and start shh patting. He starts to get distressed about 2 minutes into this and cries for around 15 minutes before falling asleep - on a good day - on a bad day he can cry for over an hour which is when I resort to PUPD. I know this must be a bit much for him but I want to cuddle him to calm him down and let him know I'm there to help, but when he starts to fall asleep in my arms, I put him down again because I don't want him to become reliant on my cuddles again.

We started BW and EASY 2 weeks ago because he goes into childcare in 6 weeks time and I don't want him to be upset when he doesn't have my cuddles to help him sleep. I know this is all my fault, and I feel so guilty for making this all hard for him, but he's my last baby and I just wanted to soak up as much Mummy/Son time as I could before I had to go back to work. I now know that my accidental parenting has actually made things worse

Anyway, I try to pop him down for a nap in his crib whenever possible, but 4 out of 5 weekdays I have to do the school run for my daughter, so he sleeps in his car seat for the 8:30 and the 2:30 nap 4 days a week. This is why his afternoon nap is so close to his 2pm feed. Do you think I need to change his EASY so that he has an opportunity for A time before his nap? Our feed times have kind of fallen into place as the house is up at 6am and he's usually hungry so the 4 hour feeds follow on from there.

I think the problem is that once we get back from the school run, which is about a 40 min round trip, he wakes as he's no longer in the car. I try to soothe him back off to sleep but he'll have none of it. So he's only getting about 30mins from his school run naps. He sleeps better when in his crib but I do have to resettle him a couple of times.

Oh I'm at my wits end! I just wish I could stay home and focus on making sure he gets enough sleep but the school runs throw everything! I was thinking maybe changing the routine so that the school run falls into an A time but he always drifts off in the car so it can cause more problems!

How do I keep him asleep after returning from a car journey? Should I change the routine?

[echohush]

Hi again, so sorry for the delay. I've been welcoming a new au pair into our home so we are also in the midst of routine craziness and a growth spurt.  I am also going back to work so I truly empathize!

With regard to your first part of the process, it sounds as if he is escalating. In my experience it is important to be consistent as difficult as it is. When we were trying every new trick with my DS it just made things worse. I think it is because he has nothing to rely on when we keep changing the rules.  I would stick with one technique for the whole process.  If picking up to calm is important to you, I'd stick with PU/PD from the beginning.  We are considering PU/PD to extend naps but I want him to be a bit older before we do this.

Don't beat yourself up about AP'ing.  I think one mother here told me sleep training happens when you want it to happen, and you will never look back with regret for cuddling and loving your baby :-)

If you think you have a spirited type, yes, I'd consider making the A time the car rides.

I hope I am helping. :-)

[newkidontheblock]

Some great advice from echohush. I just wanted to add that your first A is on the higher side for a 4 month old. At that age, A is around 2 hours tops. IMO, he is already over tired going down for his first nap and then isn't napping long enough to get over the OT, which then accumulates through the day, IYSWIM?
Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!!

My DD is also spirited/textbook and the first nap of the day has always been the easiest and longest one for us too. My experience with this personality type is that DD thrives on routine - timings are very important as they get OT very easily. They will also fight sleep and let their displeasure be known in a very loud way if you put them down for a nap too early. Watch out for overstimulation also. A good wind down is important but with spirited babies, keep it short and sweet. I do however make sure to keep things very low key before nap time and spend some time just walking around to get her nice and relaxed. I realise that won't always be possible with a toddler around. The 4 S wind down outlined by Tracy works great - do you have to pat/shush him in the crib? Have you tried holding him & pat/shushing till drowsy & then putting him down and leaving the room? Spirited babies sometimes find it harder to settle with a parent around as it can be too stimulating.
What does a good wind down consist of (Includes 4S ritual)
short naps - remember to consider overstimulation!

So, basically, I would suggest that you start by reducing your A times to 2 hours. Try to minimize your input as much as possible - PD drowsy and leave, giving him time to settle. If he has trouble, of course help but basically try to do less as time passes. If you get a short first nap, then reduce your next A by 10-15 minutes. At 4 months, you need to aim for 2 naps of 1.5-2 hrs and a catnap (which you can APOP if necessary as it is on its way out)

4 months can be a very tough time with sleep. There is a long & difficult wonder week/ mental leap at that time which plays havoc with sleep for the unlucky few. http://www.thewonderweeks.com/mental-leap-4/

Hope that helps:)