losing the plot at meal times.

[Eva's Mummy]

I feel like I'm losing the plot.  We have a nice day then I can feel myself starting to get anxious as meal times come around.  I think maybe she drinks too much so might not be hungry. I think maybe I'm feeding her at the wrong times.

example today. Lunch homemade soup and bread.  It started ok then she was up and down messing with the blinds in yye room. Then she's trying to climb on the table. Then she says she doesn't want it so takes her plate into the kitchen. Yhen she's crying her eyes out cos she is hungry.  So i offer her soup again.  Reply no no I'm hungry tgrogh floods of tears.
At this point I need to put dd2 down for her nap once that's done the crying starts again as she's hungry and she will be going for a nap soon.

Every meal is the same. I no like it. That dirty food and so on then the crying cos she is hungry. I endedup shouting at her today. I said sorry afterwards but j dont like doing that but it is driving me crazy. I dread meal times.

[clazzat]

(((hugs))) Mealtimes are often a real crisis point in the day as they seem to know how stressed we are about it.  I suspect that some of the issues stem from a new sibling - that was when dd1's eating went completely crazy and we really struggled.  Particularly if the worst playing up happens when you are about to get dd2 down for a nap, it might be that she is feeling that this is the way to get your attention.

The main thing is not to let her get to you.  She is not going to starve, so if she refuses to eat then take the food away and don't comment on it.  When she is getting up and down and putting the food away and getting it out again then she is not getting the message that mealtimes are when we sit down and eat until we are done, yk?  I have tended to allow one change of mind - so they can get down once and come back, but after that if they get down again then the meal is over.  TBH, if they get down more than once then they aren't actually that hungry anyway.

It could also be to do with being tired - we have had mealtime shenanigans when the children are exhausted.  Is there any scope for switching main meals around so that her main meal is at a time when she is less tired?

I would also make sure that she has a reasonable amount of opportunity to decide what she is having to eat, and help prepare it (or "help" ) so that she feels a bit more in control of it.

[jessmum46]

Hun I just read your other thread and I think the drinking may well be a big contributor here, she is drinking an awful lot really and I don't think I'd feel hungry if I was drinking that much.  We always get messing about if DD isn't that hungry, or tired as pp suggested.

I would do a combination of limiting drinks (yes, you will get tantrums) and offering food once - meal over if she gets down.  Clazzat's advice is spot on .

[Jodes112]

Hi, how old is she? We have had a lot of issues with ds fussy eating but i think hes older than your dd (hes 4)

What worked for us was asking him beforehand, so he had a lot of controll over what he ate. Eg for lunch when we dont all eat the same thing i would ask him what he fancied. If he said meat sandwich i would show him the meat, let him taste it, then let him help me make it. If i were to just put a plate of food in front of him without his input i know he would just reject it.

For dinnertimes we all eat together and generally eat the same thing (unless its spicy or something i know he genuinely doesnt like) for eg spag bol. I will let him help me chop the ingreadients. When plating up i will call him in and ask him how mich pasta i should put in his plate, where on his playe he wants it where he wants the bol putting ect. I find that because he has chosen himself it really helps.

Not sure if this will help due to age, but its really helped in our house. Its really tough, we were getting 'im starving' but then no eating the meal, And then im starving straight after it. Nightmare i know, hugs.

Someone said to me, that its not that they don't like it, its more that they just dont fancey it at that moment and its so true!

X

[Eva's Mummy]

That's all great advice thanks. I feel crappy because I know that I created all this. She used to eat everything but after getting ill at about 1.5 she became very selective so I gave her what she would eat. Big mistake as this has become smaller and smaller. I am the 1 giving her all the drinks. She is a very spirited little one and at 1.5 she didn't want strapped into her seat anymore so I let her sit at a normal chair (maybe I should have persisted and kept her strapped in).

I think as well with no 2 I'm dreading it going the same way.

[jessmum46]

Hugs Gail, you shouldn't blame yourself we all get ourselves into situations we wished we hadn't, but the good news is it's nothing that can't be fixed . Where do you see the major difficulties being in changing things around?  Can we help with some strategies? Xx

[Haribo2012]

Hugs hun we defo do things we wish we hadn't! I had a phase of DS sitting on my knee while I ate....why who knows but just took consistency to fix it!
Be strong hun u can fix it xx

[Eva's Mummy]

Now I feel even worse. She was up literally all night being sick.

I would like help please. Once I get them sorted today I'll come back and see what I think I need to start with first.

Thank you x

[jessmum46]

Hugs hun hope she feels better soon xx

[clazzat]

Hugs and healthy vibes for her.

[weaver]

Big hugs for you Gail and healthy vibes for DD.

Please don't beat yourself up.  There's no such thing as the perfect parent, and even if there were, these little tykes just won't be "parented" into shape.  They are their own people with their own emotions, and they will play havoc sometimes no matter what we do. 

Hang in there. 

[Eva's Mummy]

Thanks. She is feeling better today she's only had water all weekend nothing to eat at all. When she woke up this morning the first thing she said while she was in her cot was "I eat all of  Barbara's food" (the cm). I said do you want to come down and have breakfast and she said no mummy's food is dirty 

[jessmum46]

Hmmm.....worth a chat out of the moment about what she means by 'dirty'?  She may surprise you

[Eva's Mummy]

Sorry for the late reply we have all been struck down with illness again. So I asked her what she means and she cant tell me, just its dirty. I have cut the amount of drinks down and it is helping a little bit. In the morning breakfast is a total no go these days. She asked for a snack 1 morning instead of breakfast and ate a breadstick, rice cakes and grapes so I though great maybe she just prefers something like that in the morning but that hasn't worked since. I also managed to get her to eat a bowl of pasta but I had to buy the exact same pasta and pesto sauce the cm gives her (and the same bowl) but again that only worked once.

I just need her to eat at home she literally goes Fri - Sun and Tue on thin air then eat at the CM's on Mon, Wed, Thu I don't get it. She barely ate a thing over the xmas holidays

[koe2moe]

What a mystery!  Can you play kitchen with her and ask her make you food that she likes.  Then ask her to make food that mommy makes.   Maybe you get some clues.  Good luck with the x file!!  X

[Eva's Mummy]

They drive you potty don't they. I'm quite confident that my food is yummy 

[creations]

I'm not usually devious when it comes to food, I like to tell DS exactly what he is getting, but a little devious trial for you perhaps??
Put down a plate of food and tell her Barbara sent it over?  You could even mention a package has been delivered or put the food in an air tight container or covered in tin foil or something, with a note on it, "Dear E, I made you some yummy food. Hope you enjoy it, hugs B"
I mean, I say I'm not devious but I think I'd be trying this if it was my DS eating someone elses food and not mine.

[Eva's Mummy]

Oh now there is a sneaky idea. I'm going to try that tomorrow.  So let's say she eats it, what do I do then?

[clazzat]

I would be wary of trying that - I had a friend who did it with her son when he would eat what I made but not what she made and it didn't work as a plan.  It seems to me that it would be very easy to get to a point where you have to do that with every meal which hasn't actually solved the problem, yk?  You could ask Barbara for the recipes that she uses and then get dd to help you make it from Barbara's recipes - not because yours isn't good, but because it will seem more like Barbara's and that could be a better starting point to get dd eating your food.

[creations]

You could ask Barbara for the recipes

Sounds like a good plan.

[michaeljacknnugg]

On that point, around her age was when we started cooking together (and invested in a Kenwood to keep down the mess!). Annabel Karmel does a lovely range of cookbooks aimed at kids, and there is the I Can Cook range at Lakeland too.

Does she have her own tools? Maybe getting her involved with a mixture of recipes she's chosen from books and some from Barbara would pique her interest.

[weaver]

Being involved in the prep and in the choice of what to eat seems to boost interest in eating massively.   I don't have any toddler specific cookbooks, mine just help out with whatever we're doing.  Also, the classic one of serving yourself from a sharing plate, helping set the table, and all that sort of thing.  Just getting involved in the interesting bits.

[stuckunderhere]

I second the Annabel Karmel books. They are great.

[clazzat]

The sharing plate is a really good point - if there is a dish in the centre of the table that she can serve herself from then she is more in control.  Sometimes getting the portion size wrong is all it takes to put a child off - and I know myself that if I go to a restaurant and I get a plate that is piled high with food I often find I lose my appetite because I just can't see how I am going to eat it all, yk?

[stuckunderhere]

Oh, yeah, the portion sizing is very important at this age/stage. My DS2 wont eat much if his plate is full. I have to give him a few bites at a time...