15 mo old sleeps like a newborn. We are spent!

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Ok, starting a new thread since I'm ready to think about nights as well as naps.

C is 15m and honestly sleeps as well as she did at 2 weeks old. She nurses and I work and I really don't expect/need her to completely STTN. I'm ok with nursing once or twice a night. But last night she was up 7 times between 630 and 620. NOT ok. I'm just not sure what to do about it. I am this close to letting her cry, even though of course that is not my style at all and we have never done it. I don't really think I would but i haven't been in this situation with SUCH bad sleep at this age and I don't know what to do.

I'm sure nursing is a prop. But we have tried me sleeping in the basement (I think she can smell me from her room next door!) and DH goes in there with a bottle of cold coconut milk. She usually doesn't drink that much of it but still wakes an hour and a half later. Even if we do this for a week she will continue waking.

EASY right now looks like this most days:

6-630: A
1130: S
1245/1: A (I sometimes nurse her and APOP a few extra minutes if I can) - I have been hoping she will extend this since I think she really needs closer to 2-2.5h but she has not done so
6/630: S

She usually does a 3h stretch or so at the start of the night and then the 90min-2h wakeups begin. Sometimes as short as 45 min. I will usually go in an nurse her the first waking and then DH handles the rest with the bottle. I go back when she wakes at 6. But it's hard because on average 3 days a week I work evenings and get home around 1am and she almost always wakes right after I get home. I don't have time to pump at work much anymore so I'll go and nurse her then.

Help me find the strength to deal with this! I know nursing is the prop but I don't want to push her to wean and i work so I feel like it's a fine line. BUt I can't keep up like this. Thoughts?

[jessmum46]

My first thought is to actually get rid of all milk at night, totally.  No bottles as alternative, no once or twice a night feeds.  She doesn't need it nutritionally and I suspect all you've done by offering the bottle is replace one prop with another.  I would talk to her about no milk at night, boobies are sleeping etc (she will understand more than you realise) and then when she wakes just sit with her and tell her it is sleep time.  It will probably take hours and lots of crying but at this age no milk and total consistency is probably the way to go.  Hugs, I will hold your hand through it if you want to go for it xxx

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

No bottles as alternative, no once or twice a night feeds.  She doesn't need it nutritionally and I suspect all you've done by offering the bottle is replace one prop with another. 

I know you are probably right. That is SO hard for me. I know I've made this happen. I just want a middle road, yk? I feel bad that I have to work and leave her. I don't want her to wean (although she LOVES nursing so that really is unlikely) and a part of me does love nursing her in the dark and she's my last baby. Ok, there's the truth!! But I can't go on like this. DH and i are exhausted and cranky all the time. It's not fair to anyone.

Sigh. Will talk to DH. Do you think it's better for him to go in there and sit rather than me? He;s not as patient, though.

[katie80]

Big, big (((hugs))) Kate. I know this day is coming for us too and it is so hard. I do agree with Katherine (and I'm saying it to myself too), but I think all NFs need to go. I kept one EW feed with G until 16mo, but I don't think that's going to work with C and it's really a bummer. It will be an awful few nights, but will be so much better when it's done. And, her nap may improve too if she's getting more consolidated sleep at night. I think it doesn't really matter who sits with her... yes, it might be a tad better if it's DH, but it has to be the one who won't cave and if that's you, then it's still possible.

Holding your hand!

[*Liz*]

You know what needs to be done Kate  . It won't lead to early weaning either....

My refluxing premature 10 week old wakes less than that  (to give you resolve.....).

Lots of hugs xxxx

I always do sleep training here.... DH gets mad in the middle of the night  . I'm more patient, and have better intuition/ resolve with the process.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Sigh. I know you girls are right. DH wants to wait a bit since we have family in town this weekend for the long weekend and then he goes out of town next week. He's probably right. But that will give me time to adjust to the idea.

I will be back when we are ready!! Might need a reminder or two before that as well

[cath~]

(((Hugs))) Kate

I could write pretty much the exact same post for H too. She sleeps about 3-4 (occasionally 5) hrs at the start of the night, then she's up pretty much every 90-120 mins after that.  She comes into our bed too when she wakes so it's less disruptive but I know that's something else I need to stop.

As I say, we're in a v similar boat, so I can't really advise.  But I had a few qns/thoughts:

Does C fall asleep independently at BT? If not then you could perhaps start by working on that until you're ready to also tackle NWs. It might make the NWs easier to tackle when you do.

Have you tried pantley's gentle removal plan? You could try that as well in the meantime until you're ready to attack the NFs more decisively. WDYT?

We used to have a bf prop at BT but I got rid of that several months ago using a combination of gentle removal and PUPD. After a couple of weeks of GR I switched to PUPD and I think it worked quicker because I'd spent some time doing GR first.

At the NWs does C feed until she's asleep or just for a bit and then when you put her down again she actually nods off?

Ita with PPs that just going for it is prob overall the quickest way. I just wondered as you're not quite ready yet, whether there might be a few gentle changes you could make that might make it easier to stop the NFs altogether when you are ready.

(H is teething quite badly here ATM so I'm not ready to work on dropping the NFs+co-sleeping just yet, but I'm trying to use GR to hopefully put us in a better position when we do).

[jessmum46]

Dropping off some extra hugs and support as you decide the best way forward for you all xxx

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Does C fall asleep independently at BT? I

Yes totally independent for naps and BT. Sometimes whines and fusses and I need to talk to her through the door but she goes into the bed awake.

Have you tried pantley's gentle removal plan? You could try that as well in the meantime until you're ready to attack the NFs more decisively. WDYT?

At the NWs does C feed until she's asleep or just for a bit and then when you put her down again she actually nods off?

I haven't mostly because of the second point. She never seems to wake up fully, or goes straight to sleep when she starts nursing. I thought i was going in there too quickly so I try waiting and then she'll scream like crazy. But if I go and nurse her she is asleep in moments. :/ I usually wait for her to pop off but I could try puling her off earlier and see what happens. Thats' a good idea. I haven' read EP's book in ages but I remember the general principles. Might give that a try, at least, while DH is OOT. Good thought.

[cath~]

If she's asleep straight away I'd def try taking her off much sooner. Even if it doesn't help the NWs it will at least get her used to having less milk at night.

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Tried it last night and no big battles. One time she cried for maybe 30 seconds but that was that. She woke up only 4 times total That's a pretty good night for us! She napped 2h though and I bet that helped as well. Anyhow, will keep at it tonight and hopefully it will help!

[katie80]

Hey, that's a start! And yay for the good nap!

[jessmum46]

Great start, well done

[cath~]

[Love, laughter, & PJs]

Aaaand a 65 min nap yesterday and 2 wakings before 9pm. The rest of the night followed about as well. One day at a time, huh?