Pls help with A-time for touchy 8 wk old

[~Jen~]

Hi!  I'm having a really tough time settling my LO for naps.  She is a touchy/spirited bub with reflux     
She first yawns and has done for the past 2 weeks or so around 30/35mins.  She is consistent unless she is really OT and then it might be around 20mins.  I've read on the boards avg A time for 2 months it is about 1:15hr.  I know some will do "less" but this seems like really low if I follow her cues?  She is pretty impossible to settle for naps she will scream and scream and scream.  I've been trying to wind-down around 50mins aiming for sleep at 1hr.  I'm still trying to figure her out and whether the screams when I attempt to settle are UT or OT.  The frustrating thing is ALL her naps are short. Either 35mins or 40mins so I can't really use that as a gauge. 

Please HELP!! Any advice, BTDT is really appreciated.  Thanks! 

[nevinsmama]

Oh, big hugs! My DD was a Touchy/Spirited, more importantly a really Touchy sleeper and it can be just exhausting/mystifying, frustrating! I sometimes felt as if I changed her diaper at the wrong time (maybe making her a dab OT?), I paid for it the next 48 hours with lousy sleep! But, she settled out. It will be OK.


I am making the assumption that your LO is on some sort of medication for reflux and has a wedge for the crib to be upright and all that good stuff. Honestly, WRT routine, the A times you are working with sound reasonable. I would just try to be within the realm of acceptable A time and see what you get. With DD tid didn't matter, there was screaming at EVERY nap and some days we had 4 26 minute naps. It really did my head in.

I guess I am saying, do the best you can and give yourself permission to use whatever form of AP that works for LO ( carrier, swing etc..) and helps everyone else hang on to some sanity. It was a reach for me as I was SURE I had this Lo figured out as she was LO2. That just made me feel worse as she was SO different. Some things helped her sleep, other than her just growing up a bit, really, the first year was just a wash. LOUD white noise helped, BLACK room, VERY tight swaddle. I hope this helps some, I know it isn't easy. Hang in there, keep us posted!

[~Jen~]

Hi Maryn, Thanks so much for your reply.  It is so good to hear from someone else who has been through this.  It is SO HARD!!  She is totally doing my head in.  Everything I learned with BW with my other 2 just doesn't work for her.  It is like starting all over again!  Thank you so much for the tips on white noise, black outs and swaddle.  I'm desparate for anything that will help. 

Since she cries at EVERY nap and then short naps EVERY time, I've just resorted to APing her mainly rocking or taking her in the carrier and she generally will fall asleep (seems more like passing out after a good 15mins cry) around the average A time for her age.  That is all I can do.  It sounds like the first year was really tough and then did you find she settled down as she got older?   

I do feel totally awful, lots of tears lately.  How did you survive the days of short naps?  I extend every nap in the carrier but this is getting tiring.  I feel awful because she demands so much time away from my other LOs.  DS is highly spirited and I am finding that to be explosive combination as DD2 is so very sensitive.   

[nevinsmama]

More hugs for you.

 

That is all I can do.

This is good to know and that is absolutely OK. With DD this was the case as well and I wish I had accepted this earlier on and not made myself so mental about it. It felt some days like all I did was put her to sleep, and then put her BACK to sleep. It will be OK.

It sounds like the first year was really tough and then did you find she settled down as she got older?   

She did, she did her first decent naps( more than an hour other than the RARE catch up nap when she moved to 1 nap around 15 months or so.) she was still sensitive to OT, but in her favor she preferred longer nights and weird naps and it was up to me to accept the 1 hour stuff.

OK, if she is napping OK in the carrier, is it possible to use carrier to get out with your other LOs? How about car rides, if she is going to short nap all day, can some of those be total AP in the interest of getting out? Where are you with the reflux and meds and what all? Has dose been checked with recent weight gain? Just want to be sure LO is quite comfortable of course.

Sending sleepy vibes for your TOuchy DD and know we are here to help however we can! Have you got some support at home for someone taking DD2 for a bit so you can spend time with DS and DD1? How are things at night, are you getting some decent stretches of sleep? More hugs. I know it is SO. TOUGH. Keep us posted.

[~Jen~]

Yes, definitely. I use the carrier most of the day..  I do one nap a day at home but most of the day we are on the go to do school drop off and pick ups.  Today she did a wonderful 2hr nap in the carrier (we would never get that in her bed) while I met with DD's teacher and then we walked home.  Then I had to help DS with homework and it was too much A time before her 4th nap which ended up short at only 20mins and she ended up seriously OT at BT despite that good 3rd nap.  I tried to settle her and then ended up having to feed her to sleep as she was in such a state.   

I really don't know how I am going to get through this... she is constantly OT always, always. We are both so tired. 

[nevinsmama]

Big hugs and sleepy vibes for that sparky, exhausted LO! I remember this time too well, I used to have to drive to get DD to take one last nap to get to a somewhat normal BT ( which for her meant 3 hours of screaming before that) Always 26 minutes on the dot. It just made me so frustrated! I just could not help the girl get past the OT! If DH was around then I would sometimes feed her in a dark room and let her rest on the nursing pillow in the hopes of getting even close to an hour of sleep. I did buckle down and do PUPD around 5 months and did not start until I was very good and ready to see it through and I think she sensed my  conviction and was fairly responsive to it all. There is nothing you do now in the name of survival that we can't help you gently weed out later.

I know it is tough, you CAN get through this, even if it is only one blasted 20 minute nap at a time. You are doing so well to be coping as you are. I only had 2 when it hit home just what a Touchy DD was and for your 3rd one to be Touchy is so challenging.

How are your nights, hun? I know it is hard to deal with the OT, but it won't actually hurt her. She will be OK. Even the most experienced BW Mama in the world can only offer theses opportunities for sleep, we can only set them up to sleep and do our best for them, it is up to them to do it! Do keep us posted, we are here to hold your hand through it. Massive hug.

[~Jen~]

Thank you for the hand holding! Nights are not terrible - THANKFULLY!  Wakes 1-2 times.  Although last night was 3 wakes after a seriously OT day.  I always have to take her out for a CN at end of the day to salvage a somewhat normal BT.  It is just such a hard time with the older ones that want to see me after shcool and I have to run out and do the CN but she would be a serious mess without it and I can never get it in the house anymore..  But even with that she is still OT as I have to get the others to bed first to then deal with her crying. When she can IS that will be great as I can put her into her bed and then work on my older ones but for now I can't delay their BT to deal with crying DD2 iyswim.Vicious OT cycle.  To have a touchy DC3 is SO HARD!!!

I am thinking that I will have to buckle down with some ST to start improving her naps ... was thinking around 5 months as well.  Once the reflux is under control, once she is a bit older/stronger and whne I am ready to be totally committed to it.  Was your DD crying before every sleep at this age? Does that get better?  I don't see how I can ST her when she just screams before every sleep.  She never quiets down until she passes out.      Good to know the props can be dropped iwth some work later... we have some serious prop issues!! I always said I wouldn't do it but here I am just trying to survive each hour. 

[nevinsmama]

Was your DD crying before every sleep at this age? Does that get better?

Every. Single. One. Sigh....This eased up as she got some older. I kept trying to work out what I was doing wrong and find that magic "A" time where she wouldn't cry at me so much, but it just took her growing up a bit!

She never quiets down until she passes out.    

That was my darling Ivy. And we dug a deep prop hole, but as you said, it is in the name of survival and sometimes that is just how it is!
Hang in there and keep us posted.