Getting a late start - eight months late...

[CMMama]

My son is just over eight months old and I just discovered the EASY method. Up until this point, I didn't have him on any kind if routine, we were cosleeping, and I would nurse him to sleep. He is still exclusively breastfed because he's enormous and shows no interest in solid food. He spits out whatever we give him.

Anyway, we had been letting him sleep in his crib more and more to try and ease him out of cosleeping. However I am afraid being inconsistent with this has just made him confused. I am also sorry to say that as he is unable to self-soothe AT ALL, we've even let him cry it out on more than one occasion.

We started EASY with P.U./P.D. last night. My husband took him up to his room to sleep and it took over an hour. My son stayed asleep until around 4:30 a.m. when his crying woke us. My husband went back in and did P.U./P.D. for over an hour again until my son was asleep. He stayed asleep for about another hour and I got up with him at 6:30 and started EASY. E & A went great, but when it came time for his first nap (shortly after 9 am), he would have none of it. He is used to being nursed to sleep and is still not a fan of his crib so he immediately would SCREAM as soon as I put him down (definitely not a "mantra" cry). I would first lay my hand on him gently but firmly, then as he continued to scream I held out my arms and did not pick him up until he held out his. I held him in a horizontal cradle until he was calm, and then I put him right back in his crib. He would be screaming before he even touched the mattress. This process went on for over 90 minutes. For a while he would fall asleep within seconds after I picked him up, but then would start screaming as soon as I laid him down again. as this went on he started to take longer and longer to calm down every time I picked him up. Eventually I gave up and took him back downstairs to try E.A.S.Y. all over again. I don't think he's afraid of the crib because he plays in there sometimes and doesn't seem to mind it. Only when it's time to sleep does he hate it.

So here are my questions: when I took him down and started over with E (10:30), he fell asleep while nursing. No surprise there. But doesn't that reinforce the bad habit of nursing to sleep? When he was finished nursing (and asleep), I sat him up and played with him to have some active time and stick to the EASY routine. He stayed awake but very cranky, and at 11:30 he seemed extremely tired, so I took him upstairs to try for a nap again. Things went exactly the same way. After 30 minutes I caved and just held him until he fell asleep and placed him - asleep - in his crib.

I know that is giving up way too soon but I feel like I'm not doing this right. I also know that establishing EASY will be harder this late in the game, but if P.U./P.D. takes longer than the entire nap should be and I start the cycle over, won't he just be insanely overtired and have an even harder time sleeping? And again, if P.U./P.D. takes too long and I have to start the routine over again, doesn't that teach him that if wants to be breastfed and just cries long enough, then he will be?

I know I'm super early in this to be "giving up," but I feel like I'm not doing this right. With P.U./P.D. he gets sooo worked up and cries sooo hard I feel like it's even more cruel than just leting him cry it out. I feel like if someone can affirm that I'm doing this correctly based on his current habits and developmental stage, I'll be able to stick with it, but a big part od the reason I'm giving up so quickly is because I'm afraid I should be doing this differently and am therefore continuing to reinforce bad habits. Any advice/recommendations would be INCREDIBLY appreciated.

Exhausted and discouraged,
CMMama

[nevinsmama]

Hi there, so glad you found BW. Have to say right up front that we don't condone any form of CIO, but we are more than happy to help you regain your child's trust and help him with some sleep skills that will help everyone. Here are some articles that illustrate why Tracy Hogg ( The Baby Whisperer) felt that way she did: Kara & Alexandra's Story
Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!

OK. With regards to the PUPD, at 8 months it is much more of an in-crib process with less picking up. Have a look here, I copied from the PUPD page here on BW:

8 MONTHS TO A YEAR - At this age you really don’t do any pick up as babies 8 months and up tend to soothe faster in the crib. 

•   You wait for them to stand up or pull up and then you place them back down so they are looking away from you and not at your face.
•   If you feel they are truly frantic and need more you can pick them up for a moment but you put them straight back down. 
•   At this age it’s important to use your voice even more.  Your baby will start to recognize what you are saying, eg. “I’m not  leaving you, you’re not alone, it’s nap time” etc. 
•   At this age you may need to pair pu/pd with gradual leaving of the room.  First you stay in the room until asleep, then move a few feet from the crib, in a few days you move to the door, then out the door. 

5) What can I expect from the pu/pd process?

You can expect crying and resistance, especially if you’ve previously employed a prop for sleep.  “Pu/pd doesn’t prevent crying but it does prevent fear of abandonment, because you stay with the child and comfort him through his tears”.  Through your actions you’re saying to your child “its ok, I love you, you can do this, you are ok, it’s ok to be upset, you can do it”, and you should actually say this when soothing your baby during pu/pd as it will also help you to stay calm and to keep perspective.

Your baby will generally go through a series of “peaks” and come down over and over.  Eventually they will lose steam and settle.  This can take minutes or hours and it’s been known for some babies to take 3 hours to settle with their first pu/pd session, though this is the extreme.  The number of pick ups generally gets less every time until you’re down to none and it may help to actually count them so you can chart your progress.  In most cases the parents see an improvement over the course of a few days but then the baby regresses around day 5 or so.  Typically the baby fights sleep even worse than they did before but if you stick with pu/pd your baby will pop right back.  Consistency is the key. 

Eventually, after all your hard work, your kind words and touch will put your baby to sleep.  This method DOES work if you do it correctly, stick to it and ride it out.  Unfortunately there is no quick fix, and this is a lot of work, but it is well worth it in the end. You may want to invest in earplugs to help deafen the cries.  You also should consider having support and start pu/pd on a weekend so your husband or a friend can be around to keep you calm.  Expect to feel upset and frustrated.  Expect to want to give in and go back to your “old” way, your prop… DON’T DO IT.

What does a typical day look like? Can you post when LO wakes, eats, naps, wakes and eats again in a typical day? HOw "enormous" is he? Is it possible he is nursing so much he simply isn't interested, and of course until 1 year food is just to "try it all out" and BF is primary source of nutrition, just wondering.

If you don't mind to help us out with these questions I am sure we can help you come up with a plan. I assure you that CIO is much more stressful to LO than PUPD, it will be OK as you are there WITH your LO, he just doesn't know how to sleep yet! Hang in there and keep us posted!