10 month old is a disaster... and I am getting tired. Please help

[Sis-Marianne]

Yup, OT. BF him, read book, sing song, put in bed aaaaaand scream.
Let him be for a while but he could not calm himself down so I took him out and sat with him in his room (dark) in the rockingchair. He fell asleep so back in bed. To soon apperently because he started screaming again. Husband sat with him till he fell asleep again. He slept for an half hour and screamed for 3 minutes in his sleep (??), he calmed himself down and is sleeping again.
Probably not for long... *sigh*

[Sis-Marianne]

BF at 11pm, 2am and 6am, no screaming after. Not bad!

[kayra]

Does he bf when he goes down for naps too?
Did he poo, it does seem that he was in discomfort if he was screaming like that

[Sis-Marianne]

No he does not BF before naps. Usually after the nap.
He did poop
I don't think he really needs the BF at night, he is 11kg and 86cm so he's certainly not skinny
Still, BF is the only way to get him back to sleep. Without BF he will just keep on screaming...

Today wasn't bad! Woke up at 6, nap at 9 till 10.30, nap at 2 till 3, in bed at 7. He did scream so my husband sat with him. He is still asleep now (almost 10pm)

[Sis-Marianne]

Terrible night. Awake at 10.30, Bf, scream, bf, scream, me sitting wit him, put back, scream, husband sitting with de him for 1,5 hours, put him back in bed, sleep, woke up at 2, bf, scream, sit, sleep, woke up at 6, bf, day. Goodmorning...

[kayra]

Oh dear that's disappointing after a good day it could be wonder week related but that doesn't make it easier. Does he seem to be in discomfort when he's screaming? Gas? Teeth? Have you tried medicating? Is he upset at all during the day?
Are you able to rock him to sleep or rub his back? Sorry if you've answered these already I can't remember.

[Sis-Marianne]

Yeah, it is...
Wonder week related? You'll have to explain that one
Yes, he does seem to be in discomfort. Don't think its gas, teeth maybe. Is have tried medacating him with homeopathic paracetamol. At the time it seems to be helping. Tonight i've given him this again. During the day he is fine, just the happy little dude he always is
When he wakes up too early my husband goes in first to try and settle him. If that does'nt work me and my boobs come in
Rubbing his back makes him even more mad. He just wants to be picked up, preferably by me (or my milk...)

The biggest problem after these horrible months is that it becomes so hard to not be irritated by him even during the happy days. We are so tired, so exhausted that it's hard to keep up the happy spirit.
We know that he is not doing this on purpose, that he is just as unhappy with this as we are but.... aarrgghhh!

[kayra]

I completely understand, it's exhausting and it makes you anxious about what the night is going to be like etc, so many hugs.
Wonderweeks are development times in the baby's life. They're roughly a month apart and at this stage last for around a month during which generally one week is extra bad. The difficult time is the time when their brains are getting ready to learn a new skill so they tend to get cranky, clingy and sleep badly. So your ds might be in that time, but he does have prop issues too it seems. If he can settle for naps he needs to be able to do it at night soo so I would say that you somehow need to be super consistent about not offering the breast at night till he gets it. Maybe on the weekend could you dh be the only one to settle him and breastfeeding is just not an option, then you let your dh sleep in the day-assuming it's a rough night? I didn't bf that much so can't give tips on how to do it but I do think that if he's eventually getting the boob he's going to scream until he gets it-unless he never gets it. Does that make sense?

[katie80]

I totally agree with Kayra, hon. He screams for the boob because he eventually gets it. If you want the nights to get better, you need to stop feeding. You're right in that he doesn't need it at this age, it's become a prop. I also agree with how Kayra has described to get rid of the prop. If you want to do it more gradually, you can extend the first feed out by not feeding before a certain time every night or couple nights (so, if the first night you don't feed him til 11pm, the next night you wouldn't feed til 12am and so on). 

I've gotten into the NF prop with both my boys. It's not a fun thing to break, but it does help everyone to finally sleep better. I have a hard time doing it when I know there are teeth breaking through, but otherwise I think the earlier you can do it, the better. (((Hugs)))

[Sis-Marianne]

Prop? What is prop?

Yes that does make sense BUT...! Isn't is also CIO when he is screaming (REALLY LOUD!) when dh is sitting with him? Really, ds will. not. stop. He screams, gags, puke eventually. Off course, he will fall asleep in the end but not because he can self settle, it will still be because he is simply to tired to cry more. His troat will be sore. When he did al lot of crying in a night, his voice is hoarsely (is that a word? Google translate... )
So that still does'nt feels OK to do...

The past two nights I've taken him with me in bed, as he is drinking we both fall asleep. This is fine but my body can't really handle the co-sleeping. I get allot of pain after these nights...

[katie80]

(((Hugs))), that's a tough situation.

A prop is something a LO relies upon to get back to sleep. In your case, it's the boob at night. It is not however, CIO if you're DH is in the room with him. Yes, he will be upset, likely furious, but CIO is leaving a baby alone to cry.  Your DS's cries won't be because he is feeling abandoned or afraid, but more that he is just communicating his frustration for not getting what has always happened for him to get back to sleep in the MOTN.

I guess this is a call you'll have to make. I'm sure it is distressing to see your DS cry like that. Unfortunately, even with the perfect routine, I don't know that you would be able to get him to sleep through the night on his own. By his age and by the sounds of his reaction, he has gotten used to being fed at night and that's not often an easy fix.

If I were you, I'd work on getting a consistent routine going (it may even be appropriate to try to set his naps at certain times so he has a chance to regulate a bit). Then, hopefully the NWs will even out (you won't get the early OT NWs) and you can make a plan to tackle the nursing prop from there. If he starts to wake at a habitual time (or two) to feed, it may be a bit easier to get rid of them by trying a different technique.

What do you think?

[Sis-Marianne]

Ok, that's not CIO but is it still ok to ignore his needs? Would'nt it affect his conecction to me? To dh? I am not responding en DH is trying to comfort him but is'nt actually listening to him, also by not responding. Isn't that harmfull?

We are now 1,5 week working on his day routine. 3,5 A time, morning nap max. 2 hours, 3,5 A time, aftenoon nap max 1,5 hours.

Any thoughts on that no-more-bf plan?

[Sis-Marianne]

Bweeehhhh, bf at 7.15pm, put down sleeping aaaaannnnddd there he was AGAIN at 10.30pm. I'm soooooo DONE with this.
I went to bed early because I'm so tired and my body hurts and the little prince didn't settle for one boob, noooooo he needed two. And now I'm too wired up to sleep. This make me so frustrated, mad and tired.

Bring on THE plan! This has to stop!

[jessmum46]

Just popping in to say there is a big difference between ignoring his needs, and ignoring his wants . He wants the boob to settle back to sleep overnight but that doesn't mean he needs it.  In the same way a toddler might want an ice cream right before dinner but they don't need it - does that make sense?  What he wants and needs is comfort and a way to get to sleep - and that doesn't have to be the boob.  In fact you will probably give both of you the gift of better sleep if you can reassure him that he can go to sleep another way .

Also what's your routine looking like right now?  2h and 1.5h is still a lot of daytime sleep for a 10/11 month old and might not be helping the nights x

[kayra]

Yeah 3.5 hours of day sleep does seem a lot, I would have thought max max 3 but more like 2.5-2.45min.

Might it help to think of him crying in a 'I'm cross, give me what I want' way rather than a 'I'm scared/sad help me' way...?