14 weeks increasing wakings

[*Liz*]

Night was much the same really.... Although he woke at 5.15 and couldn't settle. I palmed him off on DH who tried rocking him and he just got fussy, so he put him in his sleepy head with his dummy - when the dummy fell out he sucked his hands and went back to sleep for an hour.

You are right about a lovey... I will try his muslin cuski. He does like fiddling with an old taggie we have as well.

Thomas sounds fairy similar in arm control... Perhaps a touch behind. But since they are his favourite toy he should get there soon now 😀.

[*Liz*]

Last night was terrible again  , and really the nights have been very similar for a good 1-2 weeks so I think a pattern is setting in here.

I need a plan. Rightly or wrongly I can't carry on like this. I'm exhausted. Now, I'm not saying that as in 'I need my ridiculously small baby to sleep more so I can have a full nights sleep', but I am very concerned that I am placing him at risk with the current situation  .

My DH can't help an awful lot. He offers to, he isn't being an a**, but he is a surgeon and operates almost daily currently. He takes his turn at the weekend, and he also deals with our DD who still suffers night terrors from time to time. But it simply isn't fair on his patients to have him up have the night either.

Last night he was asleep at 7.15pm (ended up rocked by DH as he woke when I put him down and failed to resettle). Woke at 9.30pm refluxing. I picked him up and resettled and put him back in his bed. Then woke at 11.30pm hungry. Took 5oz and went back to sleep in his cot. Then woke at 1.30am refluxing, I resettled but fell asleep with him in my arms and I woke at 3.15am  . I put him in his cot and he woke up.... Decided he was hungry and I fed him 5oz and he cried again and I had to make another 1oz. Asleep on me and then back into cot. Woke at 5.30am refluxing, settled on me and again I fell asleep holding him and we woke at 6.45am.

It's the falling asleep holding him that I have a major issue with (obviously!!!). I recognise that reflux wakes him, but equally he has no IS skills and ends up in arms, and then I am exhausted and fall asleep.

What should I do.... I recently increased his reflux meds with no joy and we have a paeds appt in 1.5 weeks to try and address that side.

Should I try to get some IS skills? Or just be very focused on getting him back into his cot even though I have rocked/ cuddled to sleep?

Side/back/tummy makes no difference.

He has a dummy but I am wondering if I should stop using it? He rarely falls asleep with it. Tends to suck into a light sleep but then wake rather than ever enter a deep sleep. And he turns his head to the side so it always falls out. He also often refuses to even take it in the first place.

I know I can't fix his routine or naps or anything until his reflux clears.... But surely there is a better option than this  ?

Incidentally yesterday his naps were fine... 30mins am, 1.5hrs next, then 2hrs... But I held him for all of the longer naps and then I feel awful for my other 2 kids.

[jessmum46]

Lots of hugs Liz, you must be completely shattered right now . I'm guessing it's the safety aspect that's the most concerning for you?  Do I recall correctly that you have a side-sleeper bassinet thing?  I'm wondering if you could have him on tummy with elevated head in a position that you can reach from where you are lying?  So that you could have a hand on him if needs be so maintaining the contact but kind of recreating the position he falls asleep in on you?  If you are so tired that you are falling asleep without noticing I think he has to be somewhere else doesn't he? 

Realistically though my feeling is this isn't going to be much better until reflux under control  but I wonder if there's any way to get you more break?  I fully understand DH needing to be on form for work, but could perhaps you be disciplined enough to get yourself into bed by 8pm, DH handle things until midnight so you could get in at least a 4h chunk of sleep, then you take things from there to morning?  Or even just 2-3 nights in the week like that?

Sorry I havent a magic wand hun, wish I did. Xx

[lily_layne]

Hugs, Liz. Would cosleeping for a few nights help so you could catch up on sleep?

[~Jen~]

Hugs Liz... We are in much the same situation. I will follow along for ideas as well   

[*Liz*]

He is on a side sleeper, you are right.

We can't formally co-sleep because of the elevation issue. He would wake lay flat in my bed.

Yes - it's the safety aspect that is my main concern. I know there is no answer... And sometimes the only thing that helps is time rather than meds etc. I'm just too tired to work it all out  .

Do you think rocking in arms and holding for naps is making things worse???

He doesn't much like tummy sleeping... I do sometimes use it for naps though. I worry because he doesn't have a great deal of upper body strength yet. He hates tummy time as well. But I realise it's safer than falling asleep holding him. On me he's partly on the side, but obviously very elevated.

[jessmum46]

Can you use rolled up towels etc to position him in much the same way on the side sleeper?

[*Liz*]

Thinking about it I say he doesn't much like tummy sleeping (and indeed he will protest it if he wakes - although he does protest back sleeping in the same way really - just takes a few mins longer to get upset about it  ) I do get 1.5-3hr naps on his tummy. The longest I have had on his back recently is 20mins, and on his side 45 mins. So there is something in that really I guess.

He slept 2x20min naps and one 35 min nap today. That was it. He went from 2pm until 7pm without falling asleep. I had to do the school run and take Jacob to tennis lessons so he was in the  car, buggy, and my arms, but nothing. Passed out after 1.5oz at bedtime.

I'm going to bed now on the off chance he sleeps a few hours out of exhaustion  . DH has dealt with the OT wake-up.

[jessmum46]

I hope you get a couple of hours strung together sweet dreams x

[Lolly]

Where are you with meds etc now? Do they need changing/ increasing? Did you try thickeners in the end or is that a no go?

{{HUGS}} I remember that exhaustion well. The safety is the reason DH had to get up at night with DS when I went back to work or I would have ended up crashing the car.

Laura

[ZacsMumme]

Oh honey it's so hard isn't it. I still tear up remembering when T woke constantly and I was a walking zombie. We had no answers accept time, a recliner and somehow we managed to keep our marriage in tact and come through without anything serious happening from sleep deprivation but really, it is so dangerous when your so tired you can not function.

Some things that helped (didn't fix it, but kept us sane and functioning) was
I would go to bed as soon as the kids were down. Luke would so all resettling till midnight. Often he just held T in his arms and watched telly, or napped in the (next thing that helped) recliner

We had a good recliner in Ts room. We slept in/on it - not real sleep but dozed. Probably not that safe, but the best we could do with 40 min wake ups all night long

Pain meds.....we gave them probably too much for my liking but well within the safe recommendations.

Neocate. - what formula is T on at the moment love?

I cried a lot....I've never said that till now but I did. Often at night, and it won't help him sleep, but I think it helped me as a mum it's very isolating, and incredibly painful having a baby struggling so much and knowing you can't fix it. I think when you let it out it can help one cope a bit better with the next 1/2 hr or whatever.

Liz do you have any family nearby...maybe someone who could take him for a few hrs during the day and you can nap then?

Have you considered domperidone - if the drs will even prescribe?

[jessmum46]

Did you get a couple of hours rest lovely?  Thinking of you today, and sending 'hurry up time' vibes for the Paeds appoinment xx

[*Liz*]

Paeds appt is the 19th... Week on Thursday. I have this paranoia that they won't change anything, but since he has lots of respiratory issues from it I think they should  .

Sara - he's on nutramigen. My GP won't change meds or formula - they want him seen by paeds first.

I'm a bit better for 5.5hrs interrupted sleep. Walked the big kids to school on scooters and T had a 45 min nap in the pram. He's a bag of reflux and fuss now we are home so I'm thankful I didn't bother even trying his morning nap  .

Will try a tummy nap at lunchtime, and either the carrier or pram again later for the school run. It's a lovely spring day. I'm not trying more than that.... If he wants more he will have to nod off while I make tea or take DS to beavers later.

Good job he is beautiful  .

[~Jen~]

Good for you for getting out and doing school run!  It is a beautiful day. I selfishly drag Caia out on most school runs in the carrier so I can spend time with big kids and see my friends at school gate. It helps me to feel normal. And I know at this age anyway she would have just short napped at home anyway.. Always try to be back at home to work on lunchtime nap in cot.

[*Liz*]

At one point I was getting a decent morning nap and could sleep with him, so my dad was doing the school run. But that is all long gone (and my Dad is on holiday  ). It's actually a long walk but after using the car yesterday DS wasn't very good, so I thought I would try the pram today.

He's actually puked and fussed all morning, and refused half his feed, and gone to bed in disgrace  .