Author Topic: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare  (Read 1930 times)

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Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Hi all, I'm starting to get very frustrated with my DD naptime.  At daycare she goes down for a nap no problem. Some days it takes some stern words but she either lays down and has her back rubbed to sleep or puts herself to sleep if they are busy with other children.  At home - different story!! We have had a set routine for ages now. Close curtains, lamp on, read some stories, lay down in crib, sing a song and she would be asleep.  Now everything is a bit of a battle. She won't close her eyes to go to sleep and won't let me leave the room if she is awake still. I try telling her very firmly that it's nap time and to close her eyes but it doesn't seem to work.  It can take up to 45 minutes sometimes to get her to sleep.  I am 33 weeks pregnant and see the time so close that I have a crying newborn and a toddler that won't nap and would really like to pinch this in the butt before then.  Should I try putting her in her crib and just leaving the room if she won't listen to me?  If I do this, she usually cries for a minute then goes quiet but I typically go back in to rub her back and put her to sleep. When I go back in she's never laying down - usually sitting up with her stuffed bunny. I go back in because I'm scared of the result of no nap time whatsoever.  I'm reaching a breaking point though - something has to change as I know with the addition of a newborn, what we have going now is not going to work!  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you in advance! 

Offline michaeljacknnugg

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I think you need to work out how much sleep she actually needs vs what she gets. You can't force her to nap if she doesn't need it, and it does sound like she is telling you something along those lines. Maybe a later nap time might help, but as a warning my DS started to drop his nap at around that same time.

You could set her up for quiet time (a few things in her crib that she is allowed to play with, perhaps some music on) and just leave her to it for 20mins or so.

As our kids grow we learn that sleep is one of the things which is totally out of our control. It's a good thing to get sorted in your head early, it saves a lot of heartache.
My 'little man' - kind-hearted Spirited whirlwind, 2008
My love, my everything - BabyTwo, Nov 2015

Offline weaver

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Post your routine please hun, and you can get a few more answers. 

Does she sleep well at night?  I'm thinking perhaps this is not about naps as such and more about mama time, she can maybe see the changes coming, and wants a bit more time with you.  If you sit with her, does she go down alright?  She might also miss you after days at nursery :)  22 mos is very young to drop her nap, so I'd say it's either a question of tweaking or of riding out some behaviour. 

You might like to know my LO1 had a funny period around that age when he just didn't go to sleep as he used to, lots of chatting and singing to himself, he was cutting lots of time off his sleep, I was pg, and going potty about it! Visions of super OT toddler and a newborn,  I think you know how I felt!  I never did get to the bottom of it, but he snapped out it (and went back to lovely 1.5 hour naps etc), and no amount of worrying or tweaking helped!  Maddening! :P

Whatever about naps, quiet time is a good thing to hold on to, as pp says, so try to keep going in the crib as a pleasant thing to do.

I know you're probably dreading the idea of a non-napping tot and a newborn.  Try not to stress too much - what will be, will be, and you'll deal with it when it comes.  ((HUGS))
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Thanks for the responses!  It's great to know that (hopefully) this is just yet another phase she is going through and will snap out of. 
Weaver, here is our routine:
7am - wakeup; breakfast; daycare drop off
930am - snack
11:15ish - lunch time
12pm - nap time
1:30pm - wakeup (occasionally she'll pull a 2 - 2.5 hr nap, but 1.5hr is much more typical).
2ish - snack
5pm - dinner
6:40pm - start bedtime routine (diaper, pajamas, stories, songs, sleep).  If it's a bath night, it usually happens around 6ish or so. 

I should mention that bedtime, she ALWAYS falls asleep on her own and has done for over a year now.  She gets a couple stories, and 2 songs. She can have the first song rocking in the chair if she wants, or both lying in the crib.  The second song is always in the crib as I tuck her in, snuggles with stuffy, and then I say goodnight, love you and walk out the door. She used to go to sleep without a peep but the last couple weeks she has been testing me I think. She cries 'mommy' for a minute or two and then she's quiet and goes to sleep. Some nights she babbles and plays, typically asleep by 7:15-7:30.

At nap time we do a similar routine, stories & songs.  But she always used to fall asleep during the song stage so she has never really learned to fall asleep on her own at nap time. Now that she doesn't fall asleep and goofs around, I feel like this is partially where the problem is!

We try very hard to stick to the daycare schedule at home on the weekends as they are very structured at the center. We try to give naps at the same time (12pm) and keep everything else as consistent as possible as to not confuse her.  Do you think we should be doing a later nap time even if daycare always has her asleep between 11:45-12:15? 

Weaver, thanks for your story about your LO.  As frustrating as it is, it's nice to know I'm not alone and it is a normal part of being a mom to a toddler.  I'm hoping we follow suit and that it's a phase she snaps out of but it is very frustrating! 

Thanks for your input - if you see anything we should tweak or have suggestions on this, much appreciated! :)

Offline Erin M

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Just popping you over to Toddler sleep since she's over a year!

Offline Buttonbobs

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Hi, and welcome to TS :)

I agree completely with pps in the advice given so far, I do wonder if there might be some merit in trying for that nap a little later. For my DD at this age a 12 nap would have been too early. She always had a nap at nursery at 12.30 and we were able to move her naps later at home even though her nursery naps stayed at 12.30. I wonder if you were able to push it a little later you'd get a consistent 2 hour plus nap and this might help you get through to BT more easily.

What do you think? How many days is she at nursery?
~ Naomi ~




Offline weaver

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ITA agree the nap looks too early for home.  I suppose there's a big difference in that no matter how mellow the daycare setting is, it will be super stimulating compared to the comfort of home, yk?  I don't mean you need to start doing a three ring circus in the morning :) , but rather to emphasise the 'try a later nap at home' point.  At daycare, they've also got more small people to look after so they're not as focused on exactly what LO is doing as you are. 

Messing about wanting to play and then getting frustrated is classic undertired behaviour.   

It sounds like BT is fine, so don't think about moving that. :)
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline MommaStorms

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At that age, my toddler took better naps with more stimulation, which was usually running around outside. She may be getting more of that at daycare than when she's at home hanging out with mom.
-Laura




Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Thanks everyone,  I am going to try for a nap around 12:30-12:45 tomorrow since she is home and we'll doo the same on the weekend. Hopefully we'll have some success!   You are all probably right in the simulation level...even though we often get out in the morning, parks are quiet and it's still fairly mellow even on an outing compared to the singing and playing with lots of kids at daycare. 

Fingers crossed! 

Offline Buttonbobs

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Good luck :) you might need to stick with it for over a week before you see any change xx
~ Naomi ~




Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2015, 19:56:30 pm »
Ugh!  I feel we just aren't getting anywhere! It seems no matter the time of day or how much she is yawning and rubbing her eyes, she just won't fall asleep for us at home. At daycare - still taking 1.5 hour naps.  She will fight in her crib for over an hour, if you go up to her, pull her out, she is so sleepy and will nod off to sleep in our arms but seems to fight endlessly in her crib. She is a little monster when she is waking up lately as well. 

I'm really feeling at my wits end and with #2 on the way in a month, feeling at a total loss! If she's ready to give up her nap, she still needs quiet time to herself. I feel this is important for both her and I.  She is an extremely stubborn, strong willed little girl.  She has always been very glued to mommy and doesn't do alone time very well. We have been working on this over the past few months, but don't see much improvement.  I try giving her all the tools she needs to enjoy some quiet time or nap by herself but she just howls if I leave the room.  I can stand in the doorway but dare I step out of the room - it's like a pack of wolves howling the house down!!  Do we just need to keep at it, be consistent and hope that she'll catch on, choosing to either nap or have quiet time? 

Offline Buttonbobs

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2015, 08:13:15 am »
Sorry you're still finding things tough.

What is your wind down routine before naps? Has she always slept for naps in her cot at home?

What has your EASY looked like recently?
~ Naomi ~




Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2015, 19:22:27 pm »
We try to follow the day care routine a fair bit. They have lunch around 11-11:15. Sometimes it's is a little later as it doesn't take as long to deal with one vs 8. Then at home, we go to her room, clean diaper, close curtains, read a couple books, sing a song in rocking chair, then one song in bed. A couple months ago she napped no problem with this routine and would fall asleep to the song in her crib. No problems with taking a nap at home. Now it's just all a game to her regardless of time! 

I guess our easy is thrown off now since at day care they do lunch just prior to nap and we've started following that one since September when she started at the centre and also started into just one nap in the day.


Offline weaver

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2015, 19:38:17 pm »
Have you tried staying with her while she falls asleep at nap time? Or, reassuring her from outside the door? Or do you generally put her down and expect her to fall asleep?  I understand she did that in the past, and that it's (very) desirable, but something has changed here.  You say she is also clingy to you, so I think there may be an emotional ingredient here.  She may not understand precisely what a new baby means, but she can probably sense there's a big change coming. 

I would be looking at the reassurance option as much as possible.  The more time you put in now offering reassurance and comfort, the more you will build her confidence, and the more independent she will become, in terms of play and of (hopefully) quiet time.  This might seem contradictory but it certainly is true that taking it at the child's pace and encouraging them to go from a place of strength works better than trying to 'get them to be independent' (not saying you are, of course).  A lot depends on temperament as well, you need to do what works for your child, rather than what 'should' work, iyswim!

I don't think this is mainly about routine, hun. I would be aiming for a nap at something like 12.30 at her age, and I would try to ensure she has a run in the air in the morning, both of those things will help. But there's clearly something going on in her little head too.

((HUGS)) for worrying about what it'll be like with LO2 about.  The answer is, whatever it's like, you'll deal with it, and we'll be here to help.  It will be fine :)
*Anne*, loving mama to a honeybee (2010) and a sweetpea (2012).  BF for 4 proud years.


Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2015, 02:15:38 am »
I have tried staying with her. She eventually will settle and lay still. I say with her for over 30 minutes quietly thinking she would fall asleep but whenever I peaked at her she had a cheeky grin on her face playing with her stuffed bunny...even with her eyes closed!  She is such a little monkey.
 I'll keep trying the more reassuring option as you've suggested. I feel at least that way with arrival of new baby, sitting in the doorway breastfeeding is at least a realistic option!
I was shocked today we were outside at the beach from after breakfast until lunchtime. Running, splashing, playing with dogs and other kids. I was exhausted but she still would not nap!  Eventually dad held her until she gave up fighting, put her down and then the whole family got some nap time!  I thought for sure, today we would get a nap no problem.....monkey! 

Thanks for all the input and support. I'm sure I'll be needing some more when I'm having these battles with a newborn in hand too.

Offline Baby_A_Mama

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Re: Losing my mind...22 month old nap problems only at home, not at daycare
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2015, 01:16:21 am »
Hi all again,

We had a new experience this weekend and wondered if any one thought anything of it.  I am still battling with nap times. Nothing seems to be working. However, grandma and grandpa visited this weekend for a few days...same routine, but they put LO to sleep for naps...No problems at all. It took them less than 10 minutes with her and she was out! 

I'm starting to think it's me and I really don't know why or what but she sleeps for everyone else at the same time of day. For me, she won't lay down, close her eyes or anything.

Any thoughts?