2yr 11mo: constant calling out or crying after BT

[Canadian Nat]

Hi

Can anyone tell me if they've had success in stopping repeat calling out or crying (sounds fake/attention-seeking most times) after put down at BT?

My daughter has been doin this for a while now and I don't know what to do. We don't want her waking up our 15mo. She gives excuses such as wanting water, medicine, a different 'label' (her comfort item), having a tight nappy, saying somebody woke her up etc...We've tried checking her for any real problem then going away. We've resorted to threats of taking her comfort item away and that usually works in the end but we try not to resort to that straight away. I've tried reward talk such as saying if she doesn't shout out we get to go somewhere nice at the weekend but that didn't work. I'm sick of it.

She still has a nap in the afternoon around 1.30pm and can go for about 1.25hrs.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I wonder is she ut at bedtime? Not sure what time bedtime is but even my average sleepers needed either no nap by this age or were in the process of dropping the nap (for the life of me I cannot remember when DD2 did the 1-0 but I know DD1 was about 2.5 or so).

[Canadian Nat]

It's possible she's UT at BT. Should I start capping the nap to say an hour to experiment with that possibilty?  I have to say though that if she doesn't get a nap in her day she still gets really tired and is a nightmare to deal with. Does that mean she's not ready to drop the nap?

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

No she may not be ready for a total nap drop but I would sure try capping to an hour at first for a good week to see if it helps. Kind of a slow and steady shift to no nap!

[Katet]

I've tried reward talk such as saying if she doesn't shout out we get to go somewhere nice at the weekend but that didn't work. I'm sick of it.

She's really at least 2 years but more like 5 years too young for that sort of long distance reward.

Honestly I found the best way to stop the bedtime call backs was to see that it was actually a need that needed to be fulfilled, I wanted bedtime over when I wanted it over for my own needs, but my child didn't feel that they'd relaxed enough & got enough Mummy time (esp on days when they'd been at preschool & away from me) so I learnt that I needed to spend longer in the 1:1 time if I wanted less stress at bedtime.

[Canadian Nat]

Thanks for the view  on 1:1 time. I'll bear that in mind.

I'll also try capping the nap.

[Canadian Nat]

Just thought I should give an update as I'm really not sure how to proceed. Today she didn't have a good nap as woke coughing then didn't really settle after that after I went I  to see if she was ok. (She had broken naps the last couple of days really, the other day it was because she just  sat up crying for some reason).  So, given that she has had a short bad nap today I thought she would  be tired for bed. But again, she has been crying out. I just feel like she's really upset. She would call out more if we weren't threatening to take away her label. We're wondering too whether we should put her down later, say 8pm  instead of 7pm? Or is that too late for a child her age no matter what the problems she has at night? 

[weaver]

Oh hun it's really hard. 

My 2yo did this too. She really put on quite the performance at bedtime, it was not good.  I just had to approach it like Kate said and meet the need that was there.  In this case, I had to sit with her for a few weeks at bedtime while she fell asleep, and then I moved to just outside the door from where I could respond to her with my voice, and now I can just leave and go.

What time does that nap fall? And what time is she up in the morning?  If she seems tired to you, and with the broken naps I'd think maybe she is, then I'd stick with BT for now, you don't want superOT happening.  The really tricky thing at this age is that emotional needs and sleep needs get all tangled up and are hard to unscramble!

[Canadian Nat]

We're trying the gradual retreat as I type. please can you clarify how it should work for her age as she's making sounds and talking to try and get a response out of my husband.  Should he be respending at all? Should he be telling her to lay down and be quiet?

[weaver]

Try to stick with one phrase - goodnight, time to sleep, etc - getting into a chat does not help here at all. In fact saying "goodnight time to sleep" bugged my LO2 hugely as she did not like being told what to do! So when she got to the "mammy, mammy" stage and I was outside the room, I would say something very simple like "I'm here", "I can hear you", and just "yes" very calmly. HTH

[Canadian Nat]

Thanks for that advice.  Hubby just came down. It took about just under 1.5hrs. She stopped trying to get a response out of him after a while after he had said 'lay down'. she said 'no'. he said 'I'll go then'. This made her say she wanted to 'be a good girl' (her way of saying she wants to do what you say).  And she layed down. She gave up making noise after a while and tried to settle, but it took her a while to drop off. Shall we just keep staying in the same part of the room (sat by the door) until we notice she's getting better at  dropping off quickly, and then start to open the door and sit there in the open doorway instead for a few nights etc?

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Yes, I would do exactly that. Regarding bedtime, it really depends on the kid and if you want to keep the nap. DD3 is 19 months and has always had an 8 pm bedtime - I think she came programmed that way as she has gone to bed at that time since she was born.

[Canadian Nat]

Well I think we've got to the point where we're sitting outside the room at the top of the stairs.  So, out of her view. She has started to call out a little now we're at that point. What do we do? Go in and start sitting in the room again? Or just reassure with voice.  If just with voice from outside the room, what do we do if she starts calling more and more?

[weaver]

Try with just the voice from outside the room.  Give her some time to settle down, don't respond every single time she calls - I mean, if she's doing ten calls a minute, just respond once for that minute, iyswim.  If she isn't settling, or is starting to escalate, then go to her. 

HTH.

[sunflower321]

Oh I definitely think you need a later bedtime if you're keeping the nap. My daughter is 2 and 4 months and still takes a nap so she has an 8.30 bt. Like your daughter she's not ready to drop the nap but she'd be very ut and unhappy with a 7pm bt. That will come when she drops the nap. But in the mean time as they get older it has to be a later bt with a nap.