Author Topic: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?  (Read 2410 times)

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Offline Mjaz

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18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« on: March 23, 2015, 11:19:00 am »
My daughter T is my 3rd and I've never had trouble like this.  It's probably important to note she was born with heart issues and I coddled her for the first year till she was cleared of health problems. 

She's on 1 nap.  Does 2-3 hours.  No problem.

But her demeanor during the day is insane - whines/cries all day.  Seems insanely bored.
And then bedtime.  It takes forever.  We have to hold her down for her to settle.  Literally.
Then she's up.  A lot.  Early. Late.  Sometimes every hour.

I'm sincerely losing myself - sick, sleepless, angry.

Please help me.  I don't know where to start! 😩
Melinda






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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2015, 11:29:35 am »
Hi there :)

Is it possible you just wiped the 18 month regression from your mind with your other two? I only have 1 child and I still can remember the 18 month regression (which started at 16 months here) but I know I don't feel the full strength of just how hard it was when I look back on it. At the time it seems all consuming, a couple of years later it's like a blip on the time line of development.

It's really common for babies this age to have the sleep regression, it's a pretty huge developmental leap at the half birthday, it can also show itself as SA, whining, fussing, and general irritability and poor humour.  then there's teething on top of all that which can go on and on for an age before the teeth finally cut.  Language development too...a real whole heap of stuff that LOs are going through at this point.
The general advice is to stick with your routine, respond to the SA with as much mummy time and understanding as possible, medicate for teeth if it helps, and wait it out. It will pass.

There's a support thread if you'd like the chance to chat and commiserate with other mums going through the same?
18 month sleep regression support thread-part 3


Offline Mjaz

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2015, 14:52:27 pm »
That's reassuring.  I'm like a zombie, so!  Maybe I have blocked it out hahaha.  I will join the thread - thank you!
Melinda






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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2015, 20:05:23 pm »
No problem.
Do post again if you'd like specific help or if the support thread is too quiet and you need some extra commiserations.

Hang in there. It will pass xx


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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2015, 21:03:30 pm »
Well, it makes sense that she's whiny all day if she's not sleeping at night!

How long has she been having trouble sleeping? Is trouble at bedtime new, or has she always been difficult to put down? Has she ever slept through the night? What happens when she wakes up - do you feed her, hold her, rock her, ignore her?

How do you put her down for her nap, when she sleeps well?

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2015, 21:13:19 pm »
Hi, if she is not sleeping well at night no doubt she is tired in the day time and this can of course cause irritability  :P

Is she an independent sleeper normally? I take it that she is 18 months old now?

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2015, 23:37:00 pm »
Thank you!
She is 18 months.
Never been a good sleeper.
Tried meds last night, she woke every hour.
When she wakes, we say "shh" and put a hand on her back - she goes right back.
She has STTN maybe 10 times in her whole life.
Melinda






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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2015, 01:04:24 am »
If you're trying meds, do you think that there might be some physical reason that she's waking so often?

What happens if you don't go into her room right away? How quickly do you go in when you hear her stir? Are you giving her a chance to resettle herself?

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2015, 02:11:04 am »
We wondered about molars.  She has gotten all her teeth on the early side.  And she drools at times.  Ha.
Yes, we wait.  She resettles 1/20 times, I'd say.  If we don't go in she screams her head off and wakes her brothers :(
Melinda






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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2015, 09:48:30 am »
It's a prime time for second year molars.  We literally had 3 days of bliss after the canines stopped disturbing sleep and giving pain before the second year molars started and it went on for way too long.
Do you use white noise or have you ever tried it? Or a recording of your "shh" played on repeat? She may be able to self settle more easily if she heard the familiar sound even without your hand on her.


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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2015, 11:34:47 am »
Have you tried any sleep training with her yet? Might be worth thinking about some gradual withdrawal. Although you cannot expect many results if going through the 18 month sleep regression but you can start implementing some strategies at least x

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2015, 16:45:17 pm »
Yes I'd like to sleep train and I've been trying to do less and less...but I'm not sure where to start.  She acts like a crazy person if someone doesn't stay near her at bedtime - sometimes physically holding her to help her settle...  ???
Melinda






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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2015, 17:11:16 pm »
I would start with a good solid wind down. Do you have the chance to do bath, PJs, teeth, stories etc? I would work out what your plan is and then stick to it if you can - or as near as you can!

This is roughly how we did but you can make your own tweaks to suit you and your LO. I would get her into bed, stories, lights out and then songs so it is dark but you are still there. Use your sleepy phrase or say good night whatever you do. Then stay in the room but stay as quiet as possible. Don't look at her - even face away if you need to. With Olly he was very dependent on touch so we had to wean that away as well. If she is used to the sound of your voice then we would use a shhing noise. This is quote good so when you get to the point that you are out of the room you can shh from the doorway instead of having to return.

Then gradually you back out of the room getting further and further away until you are out of the room!

Hope some if this helps!

Offline Domestic Engineer

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2015, 21:12:31 pm »
I would definitely work toward getting her to go to sleep more independently as a first step, especially because if she cries at bedtime it won't disrupt her siblings as much as if she were crying in the MOTN. You need to stop physically holding her down to help her settle, even if she does act like a crazy person at bedtime for a while. Is she still in a crib? Maybe you could check out "No Cry Toddler Sleep Solution." Or another sleep training book with specific chapters about starting with toddlers.

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Re: 18 mo mess. Where do I start?
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2015, 22:44:02 pm »
Or Secrets of the Baby Whisperer For Toddlers ;)

There's also some info from Pantley's NCSS here
Gentle Removal Plan
specifically this
HELP YOUR BABY TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP ON HER OWN

I do think during the 18 month regression is a very tricky time to begin sleep training, even the most independent sleepers at this age are already going through rather a lot of disturbance.