Finally dropping the NFs... a hand to hold and some accountability, please?

[katie80]

Thanks so much. I appreciate all your thoughts. As I was doing it, I was wondering what I was doing and why I didn't just plop down and give him my hand. But, at the same time I've done so much PUPD/WIWO with him that I got fearful, as I don't really want to make more work for us in the future. I'm very glad you all didn't say I should start doing WIWO in the MOTN, because I don't think I can handle that. I'm happy to give him my hand in the middle of the night (he doesn't really do anything with it, just basically flops down over it and falls asleep). And it really helps that I can often extend naps that way. But, I'd like to keep his IS for going down at naps and sometimes BT (because we've already worked very hard to get that). I guess I'll see how the next few days go.

Oh I'm sorry things are so rough and you're so down Hun, I can only imagine as a parent of 1 how these difficult times affect you with other LO's to care for too.

Yes, that is probably the most difficult part. I don't know how many times Graham has heard, "I'm sorry I can't be with you now, I have to go help Charlie get to sleep." Too many!

Vicki - What time do you think I should nap him? I almost put him down for 11-11:30 today, but thought if he only did an hr, we'd have such a long time til BT. I had to wake him today after an hr to go get Claire from school, but since he went down so late hopefully the shorter afternoon will help.

[jessmum46]

Dropping by with more hugs for today Katie you've had great advice already so I don't think I can add anything really.  Do you think if you went for an early nap and it was a short one you could possibly AP a quick CN in the car to get you to bedtime? 

[katie80]

^^^ Only if the other two aren't in there, although it's still not a given.

Up again this morning from 4:45-5:45, when I handed him to DH and told him to take him for a drive. It's starting to wear on me... I have a tired headache, which often turns into a migraine. But, Claire has Fri and Mon off of school, so I should be more flexible in naps and bedtime. I'm hoping we just need to break through the OT a bit.

[jessmum46]

Ugh that's miserable hun

Would it help to post a few days routine here just to see if there's anything leaps out?  I know I always find it hard to see clearly when I'm in the middle of things, but if hugs and hand-holding are better for now I'm very happy to do that too xxx

[michaeljacknnugg]

Sending hugs, that is rough!

[katie80]

Thank you. I can post some routines, although I can't really remember them and I'm pretty sure the day is just getting too long. I'll start keeping better track today.

Although, I'm not sure what to do with today. He was up at 5:15 today (so, a little improved) after 6:30pm BT last night. I tried to resettle for an hr, but he wouldn't go. Got him up and fed him in my bed... I think we dozed from 6:30-7am. Normally, I would've done a CN in the car around 9:30 and another nap around 12:30/1. Wondering if I should still try that or just go for one at 11/11:30. Any thoughts?

[Martini~]

One at 11:30?

[Truly Blessed]

Do you think if you went for an early nap and it was a short one you could possibly AP a quick CN in the car to get you to bedtime? 

Sorry for the late reply Hun. I was thinking this also ^. With a 5.30 WU ( remember it at this age) honestly I just shot for a nap as early as I could, I also would have gone for 9.30 too. Then I used to judge 2nd nap by the result, ie: time and length, obviously. This often worked for DS, but usually in the short term, but sometimes short term is all you can focus on you know.

((HUGS)) Lovely.x.

[clazzat]

Not sure if you would be happy doing this, but x was a fairly consistent early waker and I decided that if it was after 5 then I would bring him into my bed and feed him back to sleep with me until it was an appropriate time to get up.  That removed a lot of stress for me, and meant that we started the day at a consistent time (which helped with the routine) and was actually really lovely.  When I stopped feeding him we just snuggled with him dozing, then gave him lights on a timer when he was old enough to understand.  He still comes up to our room before we get up as he wakes earlier than the girls and it means I get a bit longer to snooze!  I have decided that he has until he goes to school before I put my foot down on this, and I have to say that I am dreading that day arriving because it is pretty much my favourite time of the day - I actually really wish that I had done it with the girls!

[katie80]

Ok, so nap was 11:18-12:30, with a wake and resettle at 11:58. Guess I'll go for BT at 5:30ish/6? I totally ruined it with that doze, I didn't even realize it was happening... it would have been easier to do the morning CN and an afternoon nap.

Clare - I honestly wouldn't mind that at all.  It's basically what we did with G and we've never had EW issues with him. TBH, the last couple days, I've been thinking if I feed him early morning then at least we would have a chance to get out of this hole.  But, then I think at some point the feed will stop and what do I do then? I don't know that I can really keep him in my bed, because sometimes DH is up between 5:45-6 and sometimes Claire comes in at 6:30 (although that is a completely acceptable wake-up for me). I'm just not sure it would help him get much more sleep.  And, I'm afraid without the feed a cuddle may not get him back to sleep.  He is not easily APd... G always just sucked his thumb and went right back, but C doesn't have anything like that really. I don't know, if I could get it to work, I think I'd be happy to do it... just not sure how.

[clazzat]

X has never been easily APOP'd either (although it has, bizarrely, got easier as he has got older!) and I wasn't sure how it would work when I stopped feeding him but it really wasn't a problem.  There was a short time when he wanted to be awake rather than cuddling and we put him in the travel cot and let him play with some toys or watch TV while we dozed, but actually that phase didn't last that long and he was back in our bed happy to cuddle.

I found that (when dh was actually here) him getting up didn't make that much difference to what x did, and I have always got up to have a shower at about 6.40 so it isn't like he ever got a huge amount more sleep, but it was essentially an extra hour (for both of us) which did make a big difference to his day.

[Truly Blessed]

Katie, I'm just wondering if you have tried any 'audio' assistance with him  Like white noise or music perhaps 

It may help him to at least stay in his bed in the morning maybe  Just so he is at least getting into the idea of resting until wake up time.

Other than that maybe a visual relaxer. I got Sam a 'pillow pet dreamlite' which projects stars onto the ceiling and an outline of the chosen animal (although he a lot older obviously) but he finds it very relaxing, and when I am lying with him doing songs and it is on, I can see why  .

For some reason I can no longer copy and paste a link to it

What is your plan for today if any 

((HUGS))

x.

[katie80]

Clare - thanks for that. I will have a think about it and maybe give it a try. These 4:30/5am wakings are just not helping anything. Last night he did 5:45/6pm-5am, and was still tired but there's just no getting him back to sleep after 11hr (or 10 ).

Didn't really have a plan for today, except to try to get him a decent nap or two and it went totally wrong. Ended up with a super long day and am expecting a bad night. My tired migraine showed up today too... bugger. I'm tired and frustrated and angry that after almost 14mo, I still seem to suck at getting him the sleep he needs. Just keep telling myself tomorrow is another day!

He's got white noise and a nightlight... I really think it's the OT that's preventing him from going back to sleep in the mornings, although I also noticed his two right molars are pretty swollen and I can see one of the tips on the top one under the gum, so I'm sure that's not helping things.

Thanks for letting me hash this out here, ladies... DH is a super support, but still takes all of this in such stride, where I hang more on the stressed out edge. I just want to be able to be a bit more rested and happy with my big kids too!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Hun,

Gosh, I definitely wouldn't rule out the impact those molars could be having! What would you advise another BW if they told you they were at play    Maybe take some comfort that this may not be all about sleep  . Good job he's so darn cute isn't it  .

((HUGS)) for today Hun. I am the 'stressed out edge' type too, sucks doesn't it 

x.

[jessmum46]

I think you advised dream meds for us Katie . Worth a go?  Bs top two molars have now cut the gum and we are getting better mornings for the time being....(never say forever ) we have also pulled BT half an hour earlier (well actually it's half an hour later but we had DST if you see what I mean) and that's probably helped too x