Desperately need help for my 25 months old sleep problem

[amycyt]

My 25-month-old son has been sleeping very well on his own for the past 6+ months.  He sleeps in own room in a full size bed.  He didn't need help to fall asleep and slept through the night until 4 weeks ago after I had my 2nd child.  During my 3 days hospital stay, my mother-in-law came to babysit him at our house.  Grandma has only babysat him for a few times and never for more than 2-3 hours.  So spending 3 days with Grandma alone was totally a new thing for both my son and my MIL.  He is a very sensitive guy and anything that disturbs his normal routine will throw things off.  However, I never thought the separation anxiety would deeply affect him to this extent.  After we came back from the hospital, we found out his personality has totally changed.  He is super cranky and cries all the time and never wants to let us go.  He glued to daddy almost 24 hours a day for the first 2 weeks.  The worse thing is that he now is no longer willing to sleep by himself.  He cries many times a night when he wakes up in the middle of the night finding himself sleeping alone.    So daddy ends up sleeping in his bed with him.   Nap time is the same.  My husband is going back to work in a few days.  I am not sure how I can handle this little guy by myself while having a 4 weeks old to take care of.  How do I sleep train him again?  Anyone else experienced something similar and how long did it take for your toddler to go back to "normal"?

[katie80]

Hi there and (((hugs))). Having mom and dad gone and come home with a new sibling is a huge change for a LO and even moreso when the LO is highly sensitive. My DD is on the sensitive side and at 6yrs she still wakes at night when something changes in her life. When DS1 was born, I think she woke for about 6 weeks and struggled to nap for awhile as well. When DS2 was born, she woke a handful of times. So, I'd say give it a couple months, as having your DH go back to work will be another change for him as well.

The best advice I can give for the IS is to pick a method and be consistent. You can use either WIWO or GW, whichever you think would work best. Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE) If possible, it would probably be best to settle the baby in a carrier or swing or something before you put him down for his nap, so you can spend some quality time with him and help him off to sleep. It's also important to try to get some one-on-one time with him during the day, so you can assure him of your love for him and his importance in the family. It's hard to do, but honestly the less you can tend to the baby, the better. Feed and settle the baby however possible and then try to make DS's life as much like it was before (within reason, of course). More (((hugs))), it will get better!

[amycyt]

Thanks!  Very helpful info.  I know it is overwhelming for my little guy to adjust so many changes at the same time.  First daddy and mommy were gone for 3 days, then came home with a little sister that he had no idea who she was, daddy who is his buddy stayed home for a month with him, now daddy is back to work and stuck with mommy and sister at home.  All new to him as well as me.  Luckily, my baby girl is a fairly easy baby and big brother seems to love her and show no jealousy yet.  Just that for me it is very difficult to deal with my son's fussiness and the sleep issues.  But I will try to be patient with him and try out the sleep train method that you suggested.  I used a similar walk in/walk out method when I first slept trained him 6 months ago.  I am hoping it will work again but now he is older he might resist it even more.  Let's see how it goes.  Thanks again.

[weaver]

My LO1 is a very sensitive wee one too, I'd suggest given the separation anxiety and his sensitivity that GW might be best - sure, try the WI/WO but if he's emotional already, be ready to switch to GW. You'll be tired and with a million things on your plate but try to be as reassuring to him as you can be, lots of cuddles if he's cuddly.  We have exactly the same gap here  

Are you BFing?  Timing feeds so littlest one is safely busy while you tend to bigger one can really help.  A wise person told me that the older child's emotional needs are the tricky bit in the first while - baby doesn't really mind too much about things like attention yet, more the milk, sleep, and nappy changes, but the toddler needs the attention and reassurance.

[katie80]

A wise person told me that the older child's emotional needs are the tricky bit in the first while - baby doesn't really mind too much about things like attention yet, more the milk, sleep, and nappy changes, but the toddler needs the attention and reassurance.

Yes, that's what I meant about tending to the baby only as needed. Anne said it so much better... hope my words didn't come across as harsh.