Please help my toddler won't sleep through the night

[Jewelz87]

I am struggling a great deal at the moment and every night ends with me in tears.
I have a 22 month old who sleeps 9pm-2am. At 2am all hell breaks loose and i'm now so scared to go to bed every night knowing this is coming.
He used to wake every 2 hrs cry i'd have to go in (none else - he will only accept mummy) to settle him back to sleep as he will not settle himself.
Now 2 am he's up screaming and throwing a tantrum, i go in and sit in the room when i think he's asleep i leave.... he then screams again. He's also in and out of the cot. Daddy doesn't hear anything during the night and then just says bring him in the bed! i do not want him in my bed as i cannot sleep and it doesn't solve anything

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and need my little boy to sleep through i'm shattered and currently trying to go to work on 3 hrs sleep.
I just can't cope.
All advise welcome please help

[jessmum46]

Couldn't read and not post some hugs for you.  So sorry you are struggling and so tired right now

Can you post a typical day for us with wake up, nap (time and length) and bedtime? 

Does your DS go to sleep by himself at the start of the night and at naptime? 

You say he is in and out of the cot - is he climbing out?

I really hope we may be able to help you with a bit more information

[Martini~]

Oh Gosh Honey, I am so sorry for you! You really have to be shattered!

Could you please post your routine and let us know what kind of personality your boy is? Maybe you could do a personality quest for toddlers, it's listed on this board but I can not paste as on my phone!

...Posted with Katherine

[Jewelz87]

Hi

Thanks for the responses.

Is it wrong to say don't know his typical day!

Up: 7.30
If in nursery they say he naps at about 1-1.30 (but will not nap for me at home)
Bedtme: 8pm will not settle himself and its gone 9 before he gives up
wakes: 2am then every hr

we took one side of the cot down and will generally stay in bed at bed time after stories but from 2am he's in and out

[Buttonbobs]

Oh sorry to hear things are so hard for you at the moment. How long has it been since he took a nap at home?

What techniques do you use to try and encourage him to stay in bed when he gets out?

Here is the personality questionnaire that Marta refers to above:

The BW "Know Your Toddler Quiz"

[Jewelz87]

Was just completing that he comes up as an angel baby!

its been 8 months since he has taken a proper nap at home for me.

When he gets out of bed i just take his hand and say back to bed and put him back in but the more i o it the more annoyed at me he gets

[Buttonbobs]

How long has it been since you removed the cot sides, and has this problem only arisen since then, or was he waking and asking for you lots before too?

Sorry for all of the questions

[Domestic Engineer]

This is advice for you, not sleep training - try  to temporarily restructure your evenings so that you can go to bed as close to 9 pm as possible. Especially pregnant, you need sleep! At least that way you could get in a good five hours before the craziness starts.

[Buttonbobs]

I don't think your issue is primarily a routine thing, it does seem like he may be very OT, or perhaps low sleep needs, but either way he (and you!) definitely need more sleep than you are getting.

This can be a tricky age for separation anxiety and fear of cots, plus with the added freedom of removing the cot sides leaves him keen to come to you, and not motivated to stay in his own bed.

Is he Playfull when he is getting in and out of bed? I wonder if you could add a barrier to the situation in some way so that you might reassure him with your voice but he would have to stay in his room. I know others here have used child safety stair gates to block off the lo's bedroom but leaving the door open so you can hear them and they can hear your reassuring sleepy words.

What is your wind down before bedtime?

Have you ever tried putting him to bed earlier - say 7/7.30pm? Does this make any difference?

[jessmum46]

I agree with Naomi, I think this is overtiredness.  He is extremely young not to nap (how many days is he at nursery and how long does he nap for there?) and so if you can't get a nap (are you trying at all now? Car? Stroller?) bedtime needs to come much, much earlier.  My LO who is a year and a half older goes to bed at 6.30pm with no nap, and gets up around 6.30 most days. If his body clock is set to sleep at 9pm right now though I suspect you will likely have to do this in stages.  I might even suggest implementing a calm wind down routine aiming to have him in bed around 8.45pm for now, to be asleep for 9pm.  Then gradually moving this earlier by 15 mins every 3 days.

If he normally naps at nursery at 1pm or so have you considered putting in his bed at home at that time, and then using WIWO/silent return, keeping him in his room/bed for at least 45 mins?  I wonder if you did this every day whether he may in fact start napping for you again, and that would have the advantage of a consistent routine.  What do you think?

[Jewelz87]

How long has it been since you removed the cot sides, and has this problem only arisen since then, or was he waking and asking for you lots before too?

Sorry for all of the questions

Thats ok All the questions are good
Its been a couple of months removing the side of the cot. He has been waking in the night for the past 8 months and just wants me i don't know how to get him to settle himself back to sleep.

[Buttonbobs]

I do agree with Katherine above. What do you think about our suggestions above honey?

Sleep does tend to leave to more sleep, so if you can sort the day out the nighttime should get easier ((hugs))

[Jewelz87]

I don't think your issue is primarily a routine thing, it does seem like he may be very OT, or perhaps low sleep needs, but either way he (and you!) definitely need more sleep than you are getting.

This can be a tricky age for separation anxiety and fear of cots, plus with the added freedom of removing the cot sides leaves him keen to come to you, and not motivated to stay in his own bed.

Is he Playfull when he is getting in and out of bed? I wonder if you could add a barrier to the situation in some way so that you might reassure him with your voice but he would have to stay in his room. I know others here have used child safety stair gates to block off the lo's bedroom but leaving the door open so you can hear them and they can hear your reassuring sleepy words.

What is your wind down before bedtime?

Have you ever tried putting him to bed earlier - say 7/7.30pm? Does this make any difference?

I have tried the earlier bedtime 7.30 but he's bouncing off the walls at that time and even getting him to sit down is a struggle. 
hes not playful when he gets out of bed he just seems tired and frustrated then i take him back to his bed several times and he just seems to get more and more frustrated.

Since you mentioned i borrowed a bed barrier and he is staying in the bed now but is still crying for me the second i leave the room and will not settle himself.

Wind down before bed we have dinner, watch a little of thomas the tank engine, get bath/ shower into jimmies, read two books in his bed then lights out about 8.30.

Thanks

[Jewelz87]

I agree with Naomi, I think this is overtiredness.  He is extremely young not to nap (how many days is he at nursery and how long does he nap for there?) and so if you can't get a nap (are you trying at all now? Car? Stroller?) bedtime needs to come much, much earlier.  My LO who is a year and a half older goes to bed at 6.30pm with no nap, and gets up around 6.30 most days. If his body clock is set to sleep at 9pm right now though I suspect you will likely have to do this in stages.  I might even suggest implementing a calm wind down routine aiming to have him in bed around 8.45pm for now, to be asleep for 9pm.  Then gradually moving this earlier by 15 mins every 3 days.

If he normally naps at nursery at 1pm or so have you considered putting in his bed at home at that time, and then using WIWO/silent return, keeping him in his room/bed for at least 45 mins?  I wonder if you did this every day whether he may in fact start napping for you again, and that would have the advantage of a consistent routine.  What do you think?

I am happy to try anything.
I'll admit i have stopped the past month trying to get him to nap because it becomes such an ordeal and a fight and struggle normally ending with us both in tears.

Hes in nursery 5 days a week and naps for anything between 45mins - 2 hrs for them... even on those days he still doesn't sleep through the night.

i normally get him into bed about 8.15 for his stories and by about 9 he would hopefully be asleep, tonight i did his books at 7.45 and he has just fallen asleep 8.45. so thats already 15 mins earlier than normal.

[Jewelz87]

PS thank you all so much for your suggestions and support when i had noone to go to ((hugs))