dreadful bedtime with 31 month old

[Clairehv]

Hi
I am writing to ask for some advice which is all I think I am doing at the moment.
5-6 weeks ago we had a daughter who 95% of the time enjoyed bathtime and went to sleep on her own after a story and bottle and slept 12 hours 7_7am+

Since then we have had a period of chicken pox which really disrupted things for two weeks and probably age related but extremely clingy to me

We made a decision to finally knock the bottle of milk on the head two weeks ago and she was upset about that for 3 nights but doesn't ask for it now.

However we are now in a situation where everything just seems a battle and it is taking up to 1.5hours for her to settle once in her cot.

Her routine has,always been bath, story on my knee in her bedroom and then into cot.
She now resists going upstairs to bath. If we can get her into the bath without tears it is nice. She does enjoy bath but then sometimes she refuses to get out, which then if we lift her out results in hysterics which then doesn't set us up well for the,rest of bedtime. She sometimes let's us brush her teeth other times she fights it.
Into bedroom, pjs on (regardless of crying!!) More often is fine for this.

Then I sit in the chair and she will sit on my knee for a,story. Sometimes we don't even get through 2 pages and then she climbs off. Sometimes tries to climb in cot other times messes about in room.
I would love to read her a whole story and have a nice relaxed time.
Once in cot I switch light off say I love you night night and then since the pox am in a,situation where I sit on the chair and hold her hand.
Then she will either lie there but restless or mess about, under duvet sitting up and down, asking for milk, food saying she wants a wee wee (which I do get potty for) really just constant procrastination.
I tell her mummy only sitting if Eliza is going to sleep so I leave the room. She usually after a few mins shouts,for me and is lying down but wants,my hand again.

So she is not going to sleep until 8pm or later.
It is,even worse for DH the evenings I go to the gym, she will fight him, run and hide and basically be hysterical until I get home, often 8.30pm!
The nights,I am away for work she knows I am not there at,all so she normally settles for him by 8.30pm
We are at the end of our tether, we just don't get any evening at all.

We,have been nap capping but to be honest whether she has 30 mins or 1.5 hrs it doesn't make any difference.
She is waking now nearer 6am, and has circles under her eyes
Her typical day now is
WU-  6am-6.30am
Nap 12.45am-2pm.(doesn't resist going for a nap at all)
Supper and cartoon 10 mins :6pm
Quiet play/story
6.20pm up to bathroom
6.40 out of bath, teeth, into bedroom dressed
Story-ideally.
7pm into cot
Messing around/sleep resistance
8pm ish falls,asleep holding hand

I really don't want her going to sleep like this every night, I have even tried to read her a 'special' story when in the cot and that doesn't help.

Sorry for the lengthy post.
Advice appreciated

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I wonder if she needs her nap capped a bit? Although she is also at a half birthday so developmental stuff could be at play.  Tbh I would read the stories to her while she flits about - my older two still have trouble sitting through an entire book if they aren't doing the reading, and when they were that age for sure not! Is there minimal stuff to play with in her room?

[Clairehv]

Hi
We have capped her nap to less than 1 hour. She hates being woken up and I think would easily sleep 1.5hrs but will persevere with it.
Last night's night waking was so two hour stint, with 3 sits on potty, so hard not to allow that when she says she wants a wee. She fell asleep at 4.30am.
Woke up at 7.30am
Nap today in car 1.10pm-2pm

Tonight is not going well.
Hysterics as she would not get out of bath voluntarily. Forced tooth brushing
Crying through pjs on
Did calm for 1 story.
Into cot 7pm
I tried to sit on floor but that sent her hysterical, so stood by door.
7.05 said needed wee, lifted onto potty. No wee, last cuddle into cot.
Lay down but just kept moving about and saying not want you to stand by door.
I just occasionally say 'night night sleepy time's
7.20pm 'need wee wee mummy - repeatedly
Lifted onto potty. No wee, back into cot.
Throwing lovies out of cot. Replaced silently, returned to door.
Lots of noise in cot, ignored but she had crawled to foot end of cot and was getting under duvet there. I ignored.

7.40 banging on cot sides eventually standing up saying 'cot broken's
I quietly said its sleepy time lie down at pillow end.
Crying started again. Would not lie down.
8pm I eventually quietly said Mummy tired, mummy going to bed. Let me know when you are ready to sleep and mummy stand by door.
Stood outside door, waited for messing about to stop.
E was sitting on top of duvet, asking for me.
Went in said night night sleepy time, lie down now
'Me not lie down
Ok mummy go to bed'
I will stand at door when you lie down to sleep.
8.20 got herself under duvet and lay down.
8.30pm I am at the door and she appears to be asleep.

I realise I haven't done true GW but she was completely procrastinating and messing about with me in there.

Well as it work tomorrow fingers crossed for a decent night.

Thanks for the support
X
Claire



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[MasynSpencerElliotte]

Sounds like a mix of wi/wo there which can work well too. Hard to know when she asks to pee if it is just stalling or true need! What type of a sleeper has she been - high sleep needs or average?  My kids all hated being woken from naps but for me it was necessary to keep bedtime at a decent time.

[Clairehv]

Hi
She has always been a higher sleep needs child TBH however I will stick with the 1 hour nap and the implementation of GW WI/WO as appropriate and then assess.

She did sleep all night and had to be woken at 7.20am (poor thing must be exhausted after all that last night)

I can't see this is going to be a quick fix but hopefully by next week we will have our IS back and ideally asleep before 7.30pm.

Thanks for the continued support, it is really affecting DH and I as it is so upsetting and frustrating isn't it when all we want to provide for her is a happy calm bedtime.

[K-JDA]

You are doing fab Claire! Having been there myself I know how hard it is but hopefully by next week or even before you will have made some significant progress and bedtime will be a much more happy experience for you all. Big hugs!

[Clairehv]

Hi
The childminder capped her nap today
12.45-13.45

Bathtime resistance again and then getting herself worked up afterwards 'saying' want mummy to hold my hand.
Did story, light off last big cuddles,and kisses and night night to stand by door.
Into cot 7pm.
Messed around, crying, demanding me sit down, wanting daddy the usual.
If she stood up I calmly said I was leaving room, then would go back in when she lay down.
Finally asleep by 8 10
I think she was exhausted actually.

Will keep going with it.
X

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

(((Hugs))) it gets tough when they are stubborn toddlers! My older two both had a bath hating phase so we did sponge baths or I bathed with them to get them through it. Although part of it may be she realizes bedtime is coming soon and she doesn't want that!

[K-JDA]

We have swapped to a bath every other day as it just turned into a battle ground and was affecting BT.
Well done on the SS - you will get there and it will get easier!

[Clairehv]

Thank you
Just as a comedy interlude, I never thought I would be a mum who took her daughter to childcare naked, but that was where we were at in our house this morning!!
Complete tantrum and hysterics, over getting dressed- after 20 mins I just had enough so calmly told her she was going in no clothes and off we went!!.
Anyway of course she got dressed for the childminder perfectly as soon as we were there!

problem is I am not sure she was bothered..... lets hope she doesn't expect that every day 

2 hours until i start the bath /bedtime drama again. hey ho

[Haribo2012]

Just chipping in suggest maybe a shower if you have one? We had a lot of this behaviour at that age and still do get it if DS tired.

Smiling at the lets go naked!!  best move you could make, no point in arguing over it I say x

[Clairehv]

3 nights in and just no seeming improvement at all in her settling to sleep.
She gets,out of her duvet and crawls to the foot of the cot and then gets under it from that end and just messes about.
I am not reacting and just trying to ignore the behaviour.
The last two nights she has gone to sleep eventually through exhaustion but am I teaching IS?
Will the messing around decrease eventually?
I knew this wouldn't be easy but I thought I may see time reduction to less than an hour?
She had a nap 12.45-1.45 and resisted getting up..

[Clairehv]

Hi
So I am feeling a bit disillusioned, she is just so unhappy going to bed.
I hate the fact we don't have anything resembling a nice bedtime
Last night she was asleep by 8pm again but went through the same bedtime battle.
Refusing to get out the bath seems to set off the tone, from refusing to go into bedroom etc which then results in me having to carry in which sets of hysterics.

Tonight I think she is OT however the hysterics are just ridiculous
Nap 11.45-12.45 (car)
Bath at 6pm she is tired.
Out teeth clean and then a minor stand off about going to her bedroom.
But got her in, then she refused to put her pyjama top on!
She is now 30 mins into a major meltdown. Just doesn't want to be in her cot.
Got so hysterical that I did pick her up and try and calm her down and that didn't really work as she was just fighting to get off my knee.
She is back in her cot, hysterical. It's horrendous, I think she is so OT she is past it now......
Ok I picked her up I couldn't bear that she was so hysterical and standing up.
She cried for another 30 mins in my arms until she settled enough for me to lay her in the cot.
Asleep at 7 35pm

So think I can safely say tonight was a,'fail' and also that she really does need a nap.

Will resume the GW tomorrow.
Any ideas on how to try and make the bedtime routine nice again or is it a case of just trying to get through this 'phase'. 8 weeks since I remember a nice happy goodnight kiss

[Haribo2012]

Oh dear hugs to u both sounds tough.

Could u do the bath maybe 15 mins earlier then get dressed in maybe your bedroom and a story there, then move to her room? Talk about choosing a book that's in her room and then reading it in there?
DS had a phase of not wanting to go in his room so we just did a different routine for a few weeks then it passed. x

[Clairehv]

Hi Zoe,
Thank you, yes maybe is time to try something slightly different before actually she goes into the cot just to reset things.
Thanks for the suggestion
Claire x