21 month old - bedtime struggles

[JS2013]

Mamas I need HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
My 21 month old has been refusing bedtime for at least a month now.. It got to a point where she'll be going crazy (I mean singing, yelling, rolling around, jumping) in her crib, other days she cries or calls me or DH and if we don't go in she'll start throwing everything out of her bed (pillow, blankets, her lovey and pacis)and then cry for it. She used to go to bed around 7-7:30 and sleep around 11-12 hours. Due to the fact that now when we put her to bed she acts wild for 30-45 minutes sometimes she doesnt fall asleep until 8:30ish and she wakes up around 8. This is her usual (new) schedule:
8-8:30- wake up
1-1;30 - nap for about 1.5 hrs (sometimes 1hr15min sometimes 1hr45min)
7-7;30- wind down (read books, play matching cards etc. in a low light room) for about 15-20 min
7-30-8- bedtime

Now DH keeps telling me that she's UT and therefore refuses bedtime.. I think she's OT because many times when we're outside in the evening she seems ready for bed around 7 (I've tried putting her down then - didnt work.. she screamed for an hour before actually falling asleep with us going in and out of her room). Last few nights DH has resorted to holding her in order to "calm her down" but then she holds him hostage and cries for him every time he tries to put her down.. I'm not a fan of this last method because I don't want to create a bad habit but we just don't know what to do at this point.. Should I try longer wind down, change or add something to wind down (tired massaging.. she likes it but doesnt calm her down one bit).. I don't think she's ready to drop her nap so PLEASEEEEEE mamas.. any input would be great!

[becj86]

Ok, so at this age she's unlikely to be ready to drop the nap. I do think though that in the coming year or two as she does move towards dropping the nap, you will have to adjust your idea of how long her night will be. As I see it (and keep in mind my kid is 4 and my memory may be sketchy), you have a few options:

- accept a later BT - she could well be UT at your current BT and she seems to be happy enough sleeping a slightly shorter night with a later BT
- enforce BT and wake her earlier in the AM if 8:30 WU is an issue for you though it doesn't seem to be from your post.
- shift her nap (so she has a longer A time somewhere in the day and the nap is "getting her through" rather than being in the middle of the day)
- cap her nap

She could be going through something developmental too - LOs get to refusing BT and playing up, looking for more interaction when sorting something out in their mind - are there any new skills forming, do you think?

Is there anything different in your family routine/dynamic? This can lead to these behaviours too. My DS is doing similar stuff right now too, it comes in waves as they grow.

[Kellyjs]

Just popping on to offer support. We are going through something v similar atm. BT shenanigans for nearly an hour with multiple call backs and/or shouting  . She used to just play around for 30mins before bed but with no call backs.

Even though my DD's sleep is all out of whack, this is what we're doing atm. Wu 6.30, nap 1-2.30 BT 7.30 asleep by 8.15/20. I was advised to move BT later which we did do for 1 day but it lead to a 9-hr night with the same wu  . I should've kept with it, but I just can't cope with a LO that has nearly the same BT as mine!

I do agree with Bec though.. It seems you are expecting quite a long night out of her? I don't think we've ever managed 12-hrs ONS. Might be worth either capping the nap slightly or accepting a later BT and see if that helps? Anything has got to be better than this hasn't it? I totally feel your pain and I dread BT atm.

If not, I'm here to hold your hand through it especially considering we're both in the same boat! If you figure it out, let me know!!  xx