Please help I'm desperate!

[Keep Smiling!]

Hi

My little girl is 6 weeks old today. I have been trying to keep a rough pattern of eat, activity and sleep but we have no real routine and I'm finding it very hard as I have an older child who is almost 4 who I never spend any time with! I have just switched to bottles and she roughly lasts 3 hours between feeds. She doesn't have a bedtime and day and night just merge into one. Here is our easy from yesterday:

E 7.30am
A
S 8.45 - 9.45am
A
E 10am
A
S 11 - 11.30
A
S 12.30 - 1
E 1pm
A
S 2.30 - 5pm
E 5pm
She was then awake until 9.30pm. She was obviously very overtired and we tried for hours to get her to sleep. We would have her in our arms and she would drift off for a minute then wake screaming. Eventually she conked out and slept until 3.30am when she had a big bottle (longest she's ever slept!) I had to rock her back to sleep and she went down at 4.30am and slept until 7am this morning. My husband took her down and she had a couple of ounces then fell asleep. I've just been sat upstairs rocking her for 40 mins to get her to sleep as she's already overtired. Here is today:
E 7am
A
S 7.30-8.30
E 8.30 she finished the rest of the bottle she had started.
A
S she started yawning, rubbing her eyes and flailing her arms at 9.05 so I brought her up and it took until 9.45 for her to sleep. She's asleep in my arms at the moment and I'm terrified of putting her down in case she wakes and I have to start all over again.

She generally naps on me in the day and has a dummy to go to sleep although it falls out a lot. We don't really have a bedtime routine and I feel like I'm spending all my time trying to get her to sleep. I feel so sorry for both girls as one is overtired and the other never sees me.

I honestly don't know where to start and feel like crying!

[becj86]

Hi

I think you need to cut yourself some slack here, you've got a not quite 4yo and a tiny baby. IIWM, I'd have your newborn in a wrap and get out and about doing stuff with DD1. She's tiny now and that's really where she wants/needs to be at this age, lots of cuddles with mum while she gets used to the world.

The things I'd work on for the moment are:
- get into a routine, get her used to EAS order, don't worry too much about timing.
- do BT around the same time (pick a time that works consistently for your family) every day with the same routine and pop her in the cot when she goes to sleep for the night. There's plenty of time for sleep training when she's a bit older and in a reliable routine

A couple of questions: Her naps seem pretty short most of the time and she seems to have a long crying spell in the evening (maybe witching hour) - do you think she's in any discomfort? Can you expand on why the change to bottles?

[Keep Smiling!]

We changed to bottles as she was diagnosed with reflux and it was too hard to get the medication into her when I was breastfeeding. I was also concerned she wasn't getting enough from me as she was constantly feeding. I think her reflux is under control now although I'm still learning about it! She is unsettled of an evening and doesn't go down in her crib although she will sleep in our arms and this is what makes bedtime hard. I dot really know how to pick a bedtime as her last bottle varies every day depending on how she has napped etc in the day. For example if I say 7.30pm but she had her bottle at 6pm then she wouldn't want another feed before bed? How would that work?

I have bought a sling today so will practise putting her in it and get out and about!

[becj86]

Super, was thinking reflux, glad you're onto that. Sounds like she's still in some discomfort with those short naps and such difficulty getting her lying down for sleep at night. It takes a while for the meds to kick in. The sling should help her get some good naps in while she's a bit more upright. Don't worry about sleep training til you're sure the reflux is sorted, do what you have to to get her the sleep she needs - plenty of time to sort out independent sleep when she's not in pain. You will likely have to get the dosage adjusted as she grows.

Have a bit of a browse through here: Colic, Reflux, & Crying - there are loads of tips on helping refluxing LOs beyond meds as well. Let me know if you'd like your thread moved over there so you can get some more experienced eyes

I think once you've got her napping in the sling and she's having longer naps, your days may look a little less varied. re: BT, for the moment, maybe pick an hour 'zone' in which BT will lie and adjust BT within that depending on feeds. You can narrow it down more later if necessary. By that I mean if you choose to have BT between 7 and 8, if she fed at 6, do BT at 8 and if she last fed at 4, do BT at 7. Does that make sense? I'm not sure if you can cluster feed with a bottle, sorry... might be worth asking on Bottle Feeding

[Keep Smiling!]

Yes that's great thank you.

I'm pretty sure she's just had a growth spurt as she was eating and sleeping a lot but it seems to have gone back to normal now. Bedtime between 7-8pm sounds like a good idea. My elder daughter goes to bed between 7.30-8 so I'd like to work it round that. I'd like to incorporate a bath into her bedtime routine too and maybe a story/song as she gets older! We still feed her downstairs but as she's very unsettled but hopefully that'll change as she gets older!

[theu.s.lees]

First sending you hugs. I was in your shoes not too long ago. I needed to be reminded to give myself some slack that baby is still so young. As was said I'd try for some baby wearing to give you time with DD and get in good naps.
My DD also has reflux. This is my second with it which helps but finding ways to relieve the pain is big. Can you try a swing/bouncer for sleep or a rock and play? We use a rock and play as Ther is a slight incline that helps. With DD1 we elevated the crib and secured towels underneath the sheet to keep her from moving/sliding.
Week 6 was also our hardest week. There was tons of cluster feelings and BT struggles. I believe it's a ww

[Keep Smiling!]

I'm going to keep a close eye on her cues over the next few days and see if I can see any sort of pattern emerging. We've had a hard few days and she has been very overtired and crying a lot. It's so hard to make sure she naps on time as we're often out and about with my older daughter and she won't sleep in the car seat/pram. Evenings are very hard as all the overtiredness has built up and it can take hours to get her into a deep sleep!

[theu.s.lees]

That was my DD. She wouldn't sleep in her car seat once the car stops (she's still that way) so it can make it tough. Are you able to make sure you're home each day by a certain time that way she can have a nap in the crib before too late? My ODD naps around 1:30 each day, so I'm at least home for that and YDD will then nap a little longer to catch up, kind of balances out.

[Keep Smiling!]

She still won't nap in her crib but I try to make sure she has one long nap on me to at least let her catch up a bit. I know I'll have to tackle her napping on me but I just want to try and reduce how overtired she is and try to get some sort of routine in place! It's nice to know I'm not alone though. I have just done the BW quiz and she is a touchy baby. A lot of what I read is her perfectly!

[Keep Smiling!]

Well I've been watching her cues and yesterday we had a good day. Our EASY looked like this:

E 9am
A
S 10.15-11.30 (in pram - I had to keep walking!)
Little A until bottle
E 12pm
A
S 1-2.30 (on me)
Little A time
E 3pm
A
S 4.30-6
E 6pm
Then I started bedtime routine (only started this the past 2 nights). We had bath then into pjs then a story in her room and more milk with white noise. This had worked brilliantly the night before and for the first time since she was born she was asleep in her crib by 8.15pm. But last night despite doing the same thing she wouldn't go down. She slept in our arms on and off till her next feed at 10pm then went down. She woke at 4am for a bottle but took an hour to get down then woke after 45 mins. She was obviously still tired and slept on my husband till 10am. He tried 4 times to put her down but she woke every time. Today has been a bad day as she was late having a nap and was very OT. She only slept 30 mins and so was tired again after about 30 mins. This means she wants more sleep and it's very difficult to do anything with my older little girl as I'm trying to get her to sleep. Today looked like this:

E 10am
A
S 11.10-11.40 (tried to get her back to sleep but wouldn't)
A
E 1pm
A
S 1.40 - 2.30
A
S 3.15- now
All sleeps have been on me today.

Any help with what I could do at bedtime to get her down? I was sat upstairs in her nursery for 2 hours and then my husband had to take over so I could eat tea! At the moment I'm getting no time to do jobs as I'm constantly holding baby so she will sleep. I don't really know what to do next.

[Keep Smiling!]

I've been sat upstairs for 1.5hrs trying to get her asleep but she's still not down and I honestly don't know what else to do. I miss my elder daughters bedtime every night because I am sat in a dark room for hours. Then when she eventually goes down I go straight to sleep in preparation of a 4am start! I feel like crying!

[theu.s.lees]

Hugs. I'm so sorry. It's hard. I've started the rul that if it take more then 15-20 minutes (besides the wind down/feeding) to get her down I get her up for a bit and then try again. Sometimes even a 15 minute a time helps to restart the cycle. And could DH help with her BT so that you can put DD down?

Also. What time are you wanting as her wake up time for the day? 9/10 am seems late. But if that's what you are ok with then 8:15 might be too early for her. If that makes sense. I'm not sure but that would be my thought. If you start her day a little earlier then maybe she will go down for bed easier.
I'm forgetting but have you tried shh/pat? I don't quite do that but similar to help with dd. sometimes if she won't quite settle in my arms I will put her in her rock and play and then just place a hand on her firmly to let her know I'm still there. Then I slow put less pressure as she settles and then I can walk away. If she escalates I pick her up and calm her (or burp if needed) but I don't have to do that often.

[Keep Smiling!]

Ideally I'd like her to start the day around 7.30am as that's when my daughter wakes but because it's taken so long the past few nights to get her to sleep I've let her catch up in the morning. For example she finally went to sleep at 9pm so should I wake her in the morning or leave her to sleep? The mornings are a whole other issue as she won't settle back in her crib after about 5/6am although she is still very tired. She falls asleep on us once we've picked her out.

I haven't really tried shh pat yet. Strangely enough after patting for 1.5hrs I put her in her crib while I went to the toilet and she just fell asleep on her own. She was obviously very drowsy when I put her down and her eyes pinged open when I lay her down but she was asleep when I came back with no crying or anything. How do I keep this going as it would be so good if she got into the habit of doing that!

Thanks so much for the reply. It helps to know someone is listening as my DH thinks I'm a bit obsessed with it all and I should just keep her downstairs with me (but the lights/tv seem to make her more OT and I would like a nice relaxing bedtime for her!)