How to start 13 week old on nap schedule?

[AshleyH6]

Hello, I am new to the forums and looking for help with my son's naps. I have just read about EASY, but I am unsure how to begin. Currently, we have no nap schedule and he would stay awake all day if he didn't fall asleep nursing sometimes, which means he naps on me. He sleeps great at night from about 7:45pm-7:00am with only 1 or 2 wakings to eat.

I use sush-pat to put him to bed every night. The problem begins there. He screams and arches his back as soon as he realizes he is being put to sleep (swaddling may set him off or just walking into the dark room). I have to pick him up and rock him to get him drowsy enough to where sush-pat will work, but he also arches his back and screams again in his bed when starting sush-pat no matter how drowsy he was. I don't want to fight with him every nap too, it's exhausting once per day. When putting him to sleep at night, I usually leave the room right after he falls asleep using shush-pat. He doesn't need me to stay there to help him enter sleep cycles.

When I have tried to put him in his bed for the first morning nap (within the recommended A time from morning wake up), he wakes up at random times (10, 20, 30, 45 minutes) then is even crankier than before. So that throws off the enitre day. That is the reason he hasn't been on a nap schedule. I would rather him be happier most of the day than cranky because he woke up early from a nap.
Does any one have any advice? Thank you in advance!

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Hello and welcome to the forums    Sorry you haven't had a reply to your post yet. 

I don't know if you've found our FAQS,  but there's one here with lots of info on starting EASY, which you might find useful - Starting EASY - all you need to know and more!

Have you done the Know Your Baby quiz? Do you know what type your LO is? And when you say you're putting him down within the recommended A times, are you following his cues to judge when to start? Following your babies cues and responding (with structure) is a key part of BW philosophy so getting to know your baby's cues for sleep, hunger etc. is a good place to start. There are some links from the topic linked above.

Another good way to start is by logging what your baby does for 3 days - from wake up time in the morning, to when he goes to sleep at night, with every feed and nap recorded in between, along with mood etc, if relevant. It's also useful to note night feed times too. If you could do that and post 3 days worth in the following format I can take a look at your routine and see if anything stands out :

Wake up : what time
E: what,  what time
A: how long from eyes open to eyes shut
S: what time and how long?  What time did you start wind down?
Etc...

Finally, would you say he is a fully independent sleeper at night? Where does he sleep for naps?

[AshleyH6]

Thanks for getting back to me! From the know your baby quiz, he looks to be Textbook/Grumpy.

I guess I don't understand his cues just yet, so I was going by time and that didn't seem to work at all. The past couple days I have tried waiting and looking for cues before swaddling and putting him down to see if that helps. It looks like it is paying off! I have never gotten him to take more than 2 naps in one day before! I don't think he was tired enough at 1 hour and 30 minutes of A time. Here's what has happened:

Day 1
Wake 6:30am
Nap 1 8:10-8:30am not tired enough?
Nap 2 9:55-11:45am
Nap 3 2:00-2:40pm, 2:50-3:00pm (shush-pat back to sleep)
Bedtime 7:35pm woke at 8:00pm, back to sleep 8:10 after small feeding, woke at 2:00, 4:30

Day 2
Wake 7:00am
Nap 1 9:00-9:20am
Nap 2 11:20-12:15pm
Nap 3 2:10-4:20pm
Nap 4 6:00-6:30 (in swing)
Bedtime 7:45pm woke at 1:30, 3:30, 4:30 (busted swaddle), 6:00am

Day 3 (today)
Wake 7:00am
Nap 1 9:00-10:30am
Nap 2 12:30-2:00pm

Sometimes Daddy makes too much noise getting ready for work and he wakes up a few times early morning. I EBF on demand. I'm not really planning on only feeding him every 3 hours. I have been feeding him once or twice during awake times though. I'd say he is an independent sleeper. At night, once I sush-pat to sleep for about 2-5 minutes, he's in the room alone until I go to sleep a few hours later. When he wakes up to eat, I feed him and lay him back in the bassinet and he goes right back to sleep.
I have been putting him in his crib in the nursery for naps. My bedroom is just too bright during the day, he never napped well in there. This morning's first nap, I only sush'ed, no patting needed!!! There was protest at the second nap, but not terrible. Wind down is usually 5-10 minutes for naps (swaddling, a lap around the house, then light rocking in the rocking chair until he is drowsy). Bedtime routine starts with feeding, bath, swaddle, reading a book, then walking around bedroom until drowsy. He usually gets very upset every time he is swaddled which is why I have to walk with him to calm down. I would like to wean him from the swaddle, but got a taste of it last night when he broke out and screamed bloody murder. I have tried putting one arm out, but he won't fall asleep like that. Maybe he just isn't ready yet.
Advice on anything/everything is welcome! Thank you!

[AshleyH6]

Quick follow-up...last night was awful! Here's yesterday's full break-down:

Wake 7:00am
Nap 1 9:00-10:30am
Nap 2 12:30-2:00pm
Nap 3 3:50- 5:05pm
Bedtime 7:35 woke at 10:30pm, 12:30am, 3:30am, 4:30am, 6:00am

What happened to his nights? He was only waking once per night last week! Is it because he is finally napping and getting too much sleep or a growth spurt? He was hungry at every single night waking ladt night.

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Firstly well done for reading his cues so well - it looks like he's napping really nicely now   It's a shame about last night though. It could be a growth spurt, yes. From what I remember there's one at 3 months. Tbh I can't see anything else obvious except that he might be adjusting to longer A times.  I'd give it a few more days to see if it's a one off or if he settled into the new routine...

[AshleyH6]

Nope, today's naps were awful, even though it started out good.

Wake 7:00am
Nap 1 9:00-11:00
Nap 2 12:50-1:20 couldn't go back to sleep in 3 tries
Nap 3 3:40-4:20 took a while to get him to sleep and now he screamed for a long time after waking, not possible to resettle

What did I do wrong after the first short nap?i though keeping him awake for around 2 hours would help.

[LovelyLilyandJack]

It could be he's getting a little OT after the A time push, or that he can sustain 2hrs A for a couple of days but not in the long term. My LO has always needed a long first A but then needed his second A to be a bit shorter, for example. 20 minutes is a classic OT nap length, so I would try bringing his A times back to 1hr 45 and see if that helps.  You might even need to bring that second one back to 1hr 30 to help him get over the OT and then gently push up to 1hr 45 again.

[AshleyH6]

Ok, I will give the slightly shorter A times a try today.
How do I recover from a short nap to get back on schedule when he won't resettle? Do I keep him up for another hour and 45 minutes, or put him down sooner? I don't think he gave any obvious sleepy cues after the short nap since he was so grumpy.

Also, is it too early to wean from the swaddle? Do you have any suggestions on how to get rid of it? I put him in the bassinet last night and sush-pat until he was content and let him try to put himself to sleep without the swaddle. He mantra cried off and on and fidgeted for about 30 minutes and went to sleep, but he woke up 30 minutes later and couldn't be settled again, so I had to swaddle and he went right to sleep.
Thank you again for the help!

[AshleyH6]

Well, first nap of the day was 1 hr 50 min after wake up, and no luck. He woke up after only 30 minutes and not able to resettle. I tried for 30 minutes and he just kept getting more agitated. I don't think he was tired enough and may need to keep 2 hrs for the 1st A time.

[LovelyLilyandJack]

Aah well, you tried! Maybe keep 2 hrs for that first A time then and reduce the second to 1hr 45 and see how that goes? 

How do I recover from a short nap to get back on schedule when he won't resettle? Do I keep him up for another hour and 45 minutes, or put him down sooner?

Generally, if a LO does a short nap then you put down around 20 minutes early for the next nap, though I found that only worked if my LO did a short nap cos he was OT.  If he short napped cos he was UT then he needed a full A time afterwards.  It's quite hard to recover from short naps tbh - it's almost like another little mini experiment when he does to find what he needs to get a good nap the next time.  They're still learning all this a well at 13 weeks - they're still so tiny and only just starting to organise day sleep, so sometimes it's just screwy no matter what you do. I'm pretty sure both my two were only doing one good nap a day at this age.

Re: the swaddle, I think I'd leave it longer if he still seems to need it to sleep.  Lots of LOs need it for a good few months as their startle reflex is still strong when they're teeny.  Many people only wean when their LO starts to roll, when it's not safe any more.  You could try starting with one arm out if you wanted to give it a go, and if he's OK with that, then move to two arms out over a few weeks.  We used a Woombie with my second LO which was brilliant cos it's easy to swaddle with arms in or out, and the transition to a sleeping bag after that is really smooth.  But, like I say, it may well be that he still needs the swaddle.  Was there a particular reason you wanted to wean it? 

[AshleyH6]

I was able to recover the third nap somewhat. I completely missed the second nap because he fell asleep while he was eating and it messed up his schedule. So, I put him in his swing until he started his "I'm exhausted" cry and put him straight to bed with some protest. He slept 1 hr 20 minutes... So I think he woke from hunger.

I'm not sure when to feed him because he can only go 2 and 1/2 hours between eating. To do EAEAS, I would have to feed him when he woke and shortly before the next nap, and he likes to fall asleep eating. I try patting, tickling, talking, etc...but he's hard to keep awake!

How can you tell if a short nap is from OT or UT?

Today:
Wake 6:40am
Nap 1 8:30-9:00, 10:00-10:30 (slept on me after BF)
Nap 2 12:15-- fought sleep, failed nap (fell asleep eating at 11:45)
Nap 3 1:30-2:50

As for the swaddling, he fights it so much and when he breaks it at night he ends up screaming and is very hard to put back to sleep. I just figured it would be easier without. I don't want him to depend on it longer than he needs to.

[AshleyH6]

Today isn't going so well either. This is why I stopped trying to make him take naps before a couple weeks ago. It puts too much stress on both of us.
I was going to wait for an A time of 2 hours before the first nap, but after he ate, he became grumpy, so I put him down because I thought that meant he was tired. All day I have tried to wait until he showed sleepy cues, but I don't think any are reliable. Now I don't know what to do because I'm back at square one. I give up for today. The only good news is that his night wakings have gone back down to 2.

Bedtime 8:10pm
Night wakings 2:45,5:00am
Wake 7:00am
E 7:00, 8:30
S 8:45-9:20 (35 min)
E 10:00
S 11:20-11:40 (20 min)
E 12:30
S 1:10-1:40 (30 min)

[LovelyLilyandJack]

((Hugs)) It's really hard to tell if a short nap is UT  or OT.  If it's not obvious from mood, then you kind of have to go by what came before the short naps and how long A times are etc. It's hard to say sometimes and then you just have to try  things and see if they help or not. 

I'm wondering if he's still a bit OT from pushing A times if he's acting tired and grumpy before his nap. What do you think about going back to 1.5hrs A for that first nap to see if that helps? Hold it for 3 days and see what happens?

I do think naps are really hard at this age though. I think one good nap in the cot is a good thing to aim for. Then you can work on the second nap, but it's important to get out and to just enjoy you time together too. Babies organise their night sleep between 0-3 months and their day sleep between 3-6 months, so he's only just starting one this process and the short naps might be part of him learning and not anything to do with the perfect A time.

With the feeding,  I think you'll find he becomes a lot more alert in a few weeks and it stops being so much of a problem, but until then, could you feed in the middle of his A time so he's doing AEAS? You might just need to distract him for a bit to achieve this, but then he should take a good feed which should last him the rest of his A and S time.  The only other way is what you're already doing,  but like I say, that should get easier soon too.

[AshleyH6]

After I posted yesterday, I let him fall asleep in my arms after nursing and he slept about 50 minutes then I moved him to the swing and he slept another hour and 10 minutes. He crashed out!

I know it is possible for him to nap great, as he has done it before, just never many days in a row. I guess that is what bothers me.

I'm not really sure about OT or UTfor the first nap because he sleeps so well at night, but I will try the shorter A times and AEAS.

Thanks again. I will let you know what happens.

[AshleyH6]

Yesterday went well with the shorter A times. We got 2 good naps!

Saturday:
Wake 6:10am
E 6:45
A 1 hr 30 min
S 7:40-9:30 (1 hr 50 min)
E 10:00
A 1 hr 50 min
S 11:20-11:45, 11:50-12:00 (25 min, 10 min)
E 12:45
A 1 hr 35 min
S 1:20-2:20 (1 hr)
E 3:00
A 1 hr 30 min
S 3:50-4:10 (30 minutes)
E 5:00, 6:25
Bedtime 7:45
Night wakings 12:30, 2:30, 5:00

Today I did the same thing and have already gotten a good first nap this morning. Hopefully the rest of the day will go well too. I'm not sure if I need to lengthen, shorten, or keep the same A time as the day goes on. Maybe he is still catching up on missed sleep and needs the shorter A times? It seems when he gets a lot of naptime during the day he wakes more at night. Will this level out if he falls into a good routine?