I wouldn't expect a 3yo to wake early from hunger. It's possible that once awake he may ask for food earlier if he is having a growth spurt though. Mine has done this several times through GSs, as soon as his morning lights are on he's asking for a banana rather than his regular routine of reading then milk then breakfast a little later. When he asks for banana it's in addition to his regular breakfast routine. This spurts pass pretty quickly so could look like they are a one off or linked to not eating enough the night before.
Where is there a balance?
To me the balance is more that you make sure all meals/snacks are healthy and that the overall diet is balanced over a day or even a week. I often make the 'best' meal in the evening for the family meal, so that's when I do a proper meal with veggies etc (rather than say a cheese sandwich with salad and fruit which he'd have at lunch) and I can understand that if a child doesn't take that evening meal you might feel they are missing out on a range of foods which are not available the rest of the day - in this case I'd cook an extra portion in the evening and set it aside in the fridge to give the following day at breakfast or lunch (even if it is served cold rather than warm).
I really don't think there is a balance between 'trust' and enforcing or bribing him to eat, you either trust him or don't. Children have a pretty good instinct to stay alive and eat, will eat when hungry and stop when full (and will eat until overfull if given something they really like but will likely balance this out over the coming days by eating less again so overall their intake is fine). Many children are distrusted by adults when it comes to food and so learn to distrust themselves, if they are forced, encouraged or bribed to eat when they are full they stop trusting their own body signals...which can lead to less instinctive eating later on.
I wouldn't make two different meals. This is not something a child forces an adult to do, it is something an adult can choose to do or not do. I do adapt a few meals for my DS in the same way I adapt our menus keeping in mind my mum's preferences, my DP's preferences and also my own, but I don't have any one individual dictate what we have or a separate meal (unless for allergy reasons). My level of adaptation for DS's prefernces goes as far as
- he doesn't like mash, never has, I lift out a few boiled potatoes for him before I mash the rest, it is very little bother
- some fish he does not like unless it is crumbed like a fish finger, I crumb his portion to make "fish bites" which I do not mind as this way he gets a wider variety of fish where as if I made frozen fish fingers it would always be cod. This way of serving fish has resulted in more varieties of fish which he will eat without the crumb because he is accustomed to the flavour and texture over time. He still gets the same meal as the family.
- if I serve cauliflower I make sure there are other vegetable options available, cauli is one of his true hates
- if I serve rice I give him bread, rice is one of his true hates and often results in vomit. The rest of the meal is the same though, he gets a naan bread, chapati or just a slice of bread instead, or just the main without the carbs side.
They are all relatively easy adaptations rather than two different meals. I'd never serve a meal totally made up of things he doesn't like but I wouldn't do that for DP either yk?
